Customer Reviews

Jonah Hex

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(25)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(23)
1 star:		(32)

 

 

I like steampunk. I like Weird West. I like comic book adaptations. I like movies that bust out of the usual genre cliches.

But it's not an unconditional love -- the loathing I have for "Jonah Hex" proves it. This movie is a bit like the evil love child of "Wild Wild West" and "Van Helsing," with all the bloodcurdling stupidity of the former and the flashy steampunky trappings of the latter. Josh Brolin does his best to salvage this messy undercooked stew of cliches, but honestly... there's no saving this movie.

Jonah Hex (Brolin) was a Confederate soldier who turned against his commander Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich), and Turnbull got his revenge by killing Hex's family, scarring his face and leaving him for dead on a cross. Of course he doesn't die, but becomes a bounty hunter who can communicate with the dead just by touching them. All this is crammed in the first three minutes.

Then the president recruits him to hunt down Turnbull, who is building "the weapon" that could destroy the entire United States. So he meanders off and brawls with some people, gets some crossbow-guns (what?), and rushes to rescue his favorite hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold (is there any other kind in movies?).

I wish I could give a better summary of the plot in "Jonah Hex," but that's kind of like examining the acting talent displayed by Megan Fox -- it's so minimal that you'll just sprain your brain if you try to actually talk about it. Jonah is traumatized, he shoots people, he gets drafted, he shoots people, he goes searching for Turnbull, he shoots people, and so on and so forth.

Basically there's not much plot here, so the writers pad it with as many fiery explosions, gunfights and hallucinatory flashbacks as they possibly can. The dialogue is leaden ("Ain't mah country. Git lost or git dead"), and all the dramatic twists are painfully predictable. As for "the weapon," it is quite possibly the silliest superweapon I have EVER seen in a movie, short of a giant slingshot. THIS is supposed to be able to bring down a budding superpower?

I'll give Brolin credit, he does what he can, and he slurs and grinds around his fake facial deformity with convincing grittiness. The problem is, his character's backstory is so hastily slapped together that it's hard to care -- I mean, it's sad that his family died, but we barely even SAW them and don't see much of how he felt. Megan Fox is all flat drawling and vacuous stares, but fortunately she only has a few scenes. During the more dramatic moments you can almost see smoke coming out of her ears.

"Jonah Hex" is all wasted potential -- it has pretty much no plot, not much decent acting, and an ending worthy of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." Give it a pass.

I knew before sitting down in the theater today that this movie is getting nothing but trashed all over the place by critics, but I always go in with an open mind and usually end up disagreeing with them. Well, that's not the case here. First off, the movie is only 72 minutes long if you take away the end credits. They spent no time developing any of the characters, so I never really cared about any of them. Maybe a director's cut will be released on DVD, because this movie really needed another 30 minutes.

Josh Brolin is a fine actor and he is the best thing about the movie, but even he seems a little bored with the whole thing at times. He does get some good one-liners along the way. John Malkovich is just here for a paycheck. Talk about a villain that will put you to sleep. His whole evil plan has been done a million times before. We all know Megan Fox looks great, but can she act? The answer is still no. She's not too bad here, especially when compared with her previous work, but her character is really unnecessary. It also seemed like they enhanced her face with some CGI touch up in certain scenes, as if to make her best asset even more flawless.

The CGI is okay, the music is way too in your face, and the story leaves a lot to be desired, but Jonah Hex doesn't fall into the abysmal territory of The Wild Wild West. It at least has some relatively fun sequences. It's just too silly, even though it takes itself way too seriously. Does that make sense? Probably about as much sense as strapping two gatling guns to the sides of your horse, only to never see them again after they worked so well in the opening shootout. I guess the horse tired of lugging them around. Oh, and how stupid were those dynamite crossbows?

Don't go into this movie expecting to find well developed characters and a deep/thought provoking storyline. Because, well, it doesn't have either. You know what though? That is just fine.

Sometimes all I really want is some mindless fun. A movie where I don't need to spend too much time analyzing it. Jonah Hex is definitely that kind of movie. It's like a roller coaster, it's fun while it lasts but it won't leave any real lasting effect on you.

Brolin pulls off the haunted/mysterious/bad-ass cowboy perfectly. Malkovich is what he is best at, a creepy villain. And Fox, well, she also does well what she normally does, acts sexy and keeps her dialogue to a minimum. The action sequences are well done, the gun fights are engaging, and the ending is satisfying. So yea, you could say I enjoyed this film.

A lot of people are complaining about the length of it. I am honestly glad it didn't drag itself out too long though. When there isn't much of a storyline, it's pointless to try and stretch it out to make a 2 hour film. Often times what happens is there is a lot of added fluff which just drags the film down. So even though the movie is only 80 minutes long, it's a tight 80 minutes which gets right to the point with everything, storyline, character development, and action sequences.

I would really recommend giving this movie a shot. It's fun. Just pure mindless fun.

I think half the movies Hollywood and Critics rate highly are about 70% crap and the rest good. Also on that note i think half of the movies critics rate as being horrible turn out being great, its all in personal preference. I for one really liked this film, mainly because of Josh Brolin who is great in films like No Country For Old Men, and W. He makes a go of this comic book western and i think he does a good job, for what he's given to work with. Honestly i'm not a Meagan Foxx fan at all, is she pretty, yeah she's decent, can she act, no not really. John Malkovich as a bad guy is a good idea, and he at least fits his "small" but evil role as the sinister bad man. I don't wanna give spoilers but this movie is really easy to follow anyways.

Its just all about Jonah Hex getting revenge for his wife and kids after there death. He basically rides around looking for the men who did so, but there are some very interesting twist on how he does this. He has the power to raise the dead and ask questions, and the way this is executed is very cool, to me. I guess people were just really wanting another X-men, Sin City type comic deal but you don't get that here, not from a story perspective anyways. Josh Brolin to me could definitely be the next Eastwood, he just does the silent, low tone, southern i'm going to gun you down type voice, with the attitude like he just doesnt give a #%#t. So this is just simple film, and actually pretty damn violent for PG-13, just without all the blood. So its a simple comic book western with some good acting, and over the top effects, nothing more, nothing less. And i like it more, than most, i see.:)

It seems that Hollywood has fallen in love with comic book characters once again. Of course Hollywood tends to do so when a genre makes money. The success of BATMAN BEGINS and IRON MAN as well as their sequels has Hollywood realizing fans are willing to pay top dollar when their heroes are done right. But on occasion those in Hollywood still think they can do the original better and anger fans, as was the case with the release of JONAH HEX. But when looked at on its own instead of through fans eyes, this movie isn't all that bad.

Josh Brolin stars as the title character; a Confederate soldier who decided there'd been enough bloodshed, killed his best friend/commander and turned in his fellow soldiers so he could get on with his life. Unfortunately his friends father was a maniacal leader named Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) who didn't take kindly to his son's death of Hex' becoming a traitor. So he burns Hex' wife and child alive while forcing him to watch and brands his face with the letters QT.

Hex survives the ordeal, is rescued by Crow Indians and finds himself with a power to communicate with the dead, apparently due to his near death experience. Revenge escapes him though with Turnbull dies in a fire. Hex, scarred for life inside and out, takes on the role of bloody avenger and becomes the deadliest bounty hunter around, taking out those who would prey on the innocent in the most brutal ways possible. And you learn all this within the first 5-10 minutes of the film!

But this is a movie that last 81 minutes so we need a story. It turns out that Turnbull never really died. Instead, he's been leading a group of mercenary soldiers who still think there's a chance for the south to rise again. So much so that they've discovered a secret weapon the Union had and never put together and are now gathering the pieces to do so. Once built, cities will be set aflame and their cause will bring about a new order in America.

Knowing of his past relationship with Turnbull, President Grant orders Hex be turned lose on his trail and bring Turnbull to justice. In return, Hex will receive a full pardon for any crimes he may have committed as a bounty hunter (like the killing the dirty Sheriff early in the film). Knowing who he's after means Hex cares less about the bounty and more about the man he's pursuing.

Just before being "recruited" to set out after Turnbull we get the chance to meet Hex' girlfriend for lack of a better term. Suffice to say that Lilah (Megan Fox) uses her womanly ways to earn a living in the Wild West. Get it? Good. But she has a soft spot for Hex who passes on the chance to be with Lilah forever because anyone who gets close to Hex has a tendency to end up dead.

As Hex follows leads to find Turnbull, we get to see his abilities come in handy. He questions a recently deceased member of Turnbull's army and later digs up his old friend, Turnbull's son, to get more information that will bring him closer to the living Turnbull. A final confrontation is sure to follow and it does. To find out if Turnbull is successful in bringing down the USA, you'll have to rent or buy the movie.

The movie is beautifully shot and looks great in scene after scene be it the desert, a town out west or an abandoned fort taken over by the bad guys. The special effects, especially when Hex talks to the dead, are top of the line and believable as far as raising the dead goes. And the make up, most notably that used on Hex which involves a sort of hole in the cheek burnt face look, is done to perfection.

Brolin does a solid job as Hex, a man tormented by his past, afraid of his present and uncaring of his future. One risen corpse tells him that they're waiting for him down below but it doesn't seem to faze him. He knows he'll get there eventually but he has work to do on Earth first.

Fox does little more than look good but for the most part I think her fans expect little more than that. Does she have acting ability? Sure, but when your roles all call for you to be scantily clad or topless (not here) then your acting isn't what most people are looking for. I think she has the talent, let's just hope we see more of that instead of skin next time around.

Malkovich does a great job of being the over the top bad guy. Heck, he does a good over the top good guy too (see his performance in RED for that). Here he has little to work with but makes what he has work for him. He's mean as can be and that makes you root more for Hex.

On the whole the movie offers an enjoyable night's entertainment, delivering plenty of action and story to boot. While it may not be the movie die hard comic book fans expected, everyone else will have a good time with it. Give it a rent and afterwards you might even consider adding this one to your collection of westerns.

One last note. In watching this I was expecting something that was one of the most terrible films ever made. The online world has portrayed this film as deserving of a Golden Turkey award. Viewing it from that perspective made the film far more enjoyable and less a struggle than perhaps a fan of the comic series might have with it. Viewed on its own merits as a piece of fluff entertainment, it does a great job.

"Jonah Hex" was directed by Jimmy Hayward who was a director and actor for "Horton Hears a Who!" and clearly was the right choice for the job (*insert sarcasm here*). Josh Brolin stars as Jonah Hex, a branded ex-Confederate Soldier turned bounty hunter on a path for vengeance against Quentin Turnbull played by John Malkovich, the man who murdered his wife and child.

Unfamiliar with the comic book, I thought I was going to be getting more of a lone gunslinger wild west tale, but instead got a warped CGI explosion heavy, shoddy hand-to-hand combat action flick in South Carolina. Were there ever deserts in South Carolina?

My first instinct was that this film was pretty inconsistent/uneven, but that would have to imply that parts were good and parts were bad and for the life of me, I can't think of any parts that were good.

When the tagline reads "Revenge is Ugly", they weren't kidding. Brolin's face is so ugly along with his personality that it is almost impossible to cheer for him. He's gruff and maybe it is the challenge of working with the side of his mouth clenched from the deformity, but his half-hearted quips never pay off. You never get the impression that he actually likes or cares about Megan Fox or her character and all of their scenes have the chilly chemistry of "Let's get this over with."

Megan Fox as Lilah right from the start is pretty unlikable. Her character is a hypocrite chasing off some John who wants her to run away with him to the big city only to suggest to Jonah Hex that he do the same with her. Megan Fox's body looks good in a dress and we all know she is a striking young lady even in the all-natural look she was sporting cosmetics-wise, but someone came up with the horrible idea to give her a blurry Barbara Walters filter in EVERY shot to ease off some of that high definition detail that might expose a reality where she has pores *gasp*. It is super distracting and suggests her character ought to have angel wings or something when her attitude and morals couldn't be farther away. Her accent is painful and remember while watching this that in the movie world, you have multiple takes to choose from when you make the final cut so the line delivery you hear here is the best the director got out of her. Wow. Bad choice all around to cast her because looks-wise you'd think it would work, but instead of making her real and gritty and consistent with the rest of the film, they went with the weird filter choice and everything else about her character and acting is a disaster. By the time she tries to do some fighting of her own at the end, it's too late, we already hate her. "Jennifer's Body" = YES, "Jonah Hex" = NO.

Michael Fassbender whom I loved in "Fish Tank" and "Inglourious Basterds" is thrown into a funky henchman with a neck tattoo whom from his accent I can only guess is...Irish?? Accents are all over the place in this film, but this one and this character takes the cake for weirdness. He seems to be a jaunty assassin that enjoys his task of finishing Jonah Hex so much that he keeps getting distracted and letting the man get away. His final fight scene ends very anticlimactically with a result that seems VERY PG13 for what was supposed to have happened to him. Maybe they should have gone big or gone home with an R rating to boost up the violence to a level that would more properly express the grittiness of tone throughout.

John Malkovich uses flat proper annunciation to be a villain once more as is his trademark. Turnbull is seeking out weapons of mass destruction to use against a centennial celebration not for any specific revenge, but just to blow stuff up apparently. Faking his own death got Hex off the trail, but once Turnbull is out and about causing a ruckus again, the U.S. Military comes crawling back to Jonah Hex, the only man they believe can stop him with promises of a blanket pardon if he succeeds. Being flat and emotionless usually works in rival to a passionate hero, but when both protagonist and antagonist come off as one-note, the whole vengeance plot feels bland and pointless.

Probably the coolest moments of the movie are when Jonah Hex reanimates dead people, but that is mostly on the CGI end and not the acting at all.

"Jonah Hex" is a little painful and ugly from start to finish. A little jumpy, filled with flashbacks and a recurring vengeance dream that seems nonsensical and like it should have been cut altogether. Better to steer clear of this one, you'd be better off with an action-comedy like "The A-Team" or "Knight and Day" shockingly.

Movies these days are like the books we have access to; in numbers and genre we have never had such great access or choices before. There is literally something out there for everyone. When it comes to books and movies I always think of the old saying "One man's garbage is another man's treasure."

Now I did not purchase or rent this movie. No, no, no... I am too cheap. I watched this one late at night on one of the various movies channels I have access to. Actually, truth be told, I watched it twice. I will state right now that I am rather glad I did not go to a theater to see this one...the popcorn there is outrageously priced and I am not allowed to have soft drinks or candy (my wife and doctor's doing).

Anyway, I personally rather liked this movie and like so many movies of this sort, it fit my specific needs at the time I watched it perfectly. There are a couple of things to consider though before you watch it. First, if you are a comic geek like I am (I am a sort of closet comic geek and dearly love my collection of vintage Black Hawk comics), then you quite well may find this movie a disappointment if you are a follower of Jonah. As so often happens, Hollywood has taken a very nice comic series and messed around with it a bit. Secondly, when you watch this thing you have to remember that it is pure fantasy. I personally am not all that hung up on the comic book featuring this character and do not follow it; although I must say that is the issues I have seen are quite well done and I can fully appreciate their attraction.

Briefly we have sort of a cross between many of the early Clint Eastwood movies and The Wild, Wild West. Throw in some mystic powers, such as the ability of Jonah to talk to the dead and a seemingly inability to be killed on Jonah's part, and you pretty well have the overall feeling of what you are dealing with.

Simply stated, Jonah Hex is a former Confederate soldier who betrayed his unit, shot his best friend, had his family (Jonah's) burned alive in front of him by an evil Confederate Office, was left for dead, was found by the Crow Indians, brought back to life and then goes out into the world to seek revenge. We find that the Confederate Officer who burned his family is truly an evil guy and now has access to a "super weapon" and plans to blow up Washington D.C. along with the rest of the country. Hex is sent of a mission my President Grant to stop the evil deeds from happening.

What I liked about the movie was that it was truly "gritty," and it was dark! You came away feeling and smelling the sweat and dust and the blood and the pain. Also, Jonah is truly rather ugly with half his face burned away after being branded. Secondly, there is a very satisfactory body count. I sort of lost track of it after about 20 minutes...but trust me...there were plenty of various neat killings. Third, the movie is filled with many, many very satisfactory explosions, fire and mayhem. Fourth, the young lady who plays Hex's girl friend, a prostitute, is quite stunning and extremely pleasing to the eye. I think the current term of "hot," would apply to her. I also rather like Jonah's dog and horse. Fifth, I love a good revenge movie and the revenge here is absolute.

The use of the various gadgets Hex uses in reminiscent of The Wild, Wild West but stretch your credibility to the extreme. But of course as I said, this is pure fantasy so I did not quibble about that aspect. As to Hex's mystic powers...hey folks, this is a movie...it is not suppose to be real...just enjoy it.

Bottom line: If you are a fan of the Hex comics, you might be disappointed. If you are looking for a deep and meaningful plot line...you will be devastated. The plot line is truly a mess. If you like a fantasy story with lots of dead people, a high body count, lots of things being blown up...well, like me, you will probably enjoy this one.

I might tell you though...watch the first 15 or 20 minutes of this one. If you like what you see, the press on...you get more of the same throughout the film. If you do not like it...well shut it down cause it don't get no any better than what you have already seen.

Don Blankenship
The Ozarks

Rented and watched. I thought it was well done and enjoyed it very much. Should get a higher rating

"Jonah Hex", though not a great movie, certainly doesn't deserve the invective heaped it's way. If I could nutshell Hex he's a cross between Josey Wales and Bruce Wayne. Some may call the film unremittingly depressing but I found it uncompromisingly true to it's dark vision. Director Jimmy Hayward displays a real sense of style and the film shows real visual artistry. My only real gripe is that the film ends abruptly and it seems somewhat underdeveloped ergo it's economical 82 minute running time which includes credits. Released in the Summer Warners probably thought they had a franchise a la "Ironman". Instead they received a grim revenge tale revolving around a morose disfigured bounty hunter. They probably took the film out of their neophyte director's hands and whittled it down to something they thought was marketable. I would love to see an extended version of the film or see what was left on the cutting room floor. The ad campaign for the film was even confusing. For those with an open mind I would recommend "Jonah Hex" as a rental but not for purchase.

Despite what seems to be an almost universal panning, I liked this movie. I found Jonah Hex to be a decent hero and his ability to talk to the dead is a nice twist. I liked John Malkovich's bad guy and he plays it to the hilt. Though Megan Fox is still seems to be used for mostly eye candy, she has at least a bit of substance in this movie as Johan's girlfriend.

Compared to some of the comic book adapted movies I've seen, I put this one a notch above, not because it follows the spirit or intent of the comic book, (which I've never read), but because it kept me interested all the way through. Sure, there are probably lots of holes in the plot, veered from the intent of the comic book, whatever, but none of that bothered me. It was worth the DVD rental. Recommended.