3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
I come from the land up over, December 4, 2000
This review is from: Josh Kirby:Planet of the Dino-Knights [VHS] (VHS Tape)
This is a must have for any serious video collector. Josh Kirby, a sprightly young lad of 13, wishes to do nothing more than race his bike at eXtreme speeds toward curbs, but when a vulgar artifact known as the nullifier component appears in his dog's crib JK's life is forever changed. It turns out that a slow walking-robotic suit infesting character know as Dr. Zoetrope is out to gather all these pieces and destroy the world. Fortunately for the universe JK meets up with the good-minded Dr. 1138 who is working to save the universe. Unfortunately Dr. Zoetrope is SO clever he may be able to destroy the world with just one piece. After the terribly choreographed slow motion fight scene between 1138 and Zoetrope, the aforementioned Zoetrope chaotically leaps into a rip in space-time, which cause Josh's universe to be flooded with lava. With nowhere to return, Josh stows away on 1138's time travel machine (which looks strikingly like a shuttle from Star Trek). Due to poor design the ship crashes on an Earth in a different dimension. This is when JK and 1138 meet up with Azabeth, a Xena Warrior Princess character. These three eventually end up fighting together and Josh, after knowing Azabeth for less than an hour, decides he loves her. The three amigos are then captured by a technically inferior, half wit people and chained to a pole for sacrifice to a "dragon." (How 1138 earned the title Doctor, we'll never know, but in just a short amount of time JK uses common knowledge to out argue him thrice, so suffice it to say 1138 ain't no Einstein!) It turns out that the dragon is no more than a claymation T-rex with the black knight from the Holy Grail on his mount. The amigos break free and fight the dino and defeat him with a large wooden pole. The dino gaily gallops away with Azabeth, who had been kicked by the beast and was laying on the ground. JK and the crew head to the village of their captors, not to fight, but to forgive. All is well in the village and the whole sacrifice incident seems to have been forgotten. The leader of the village relays a story to JK of how the king had been ousted by the guy on the dino, and that this man had made it his mission to severely oppress the 20 people in this village, while pretty much running the rest of the kingdom flawlessly. JK and his motley band decide that the new ruler is evil and must be stopped. In the meantime, Josh has been weaving a web of lies, telling the villagers that the time machine is a refrigerator for god-knows-what reason, as the villagers have heard of neither device and pose no threat to the ship. He also insist that his buddies not refer to the dinos and dinosaurs, but as dragons, furthering the ignorance of the villagers. This is about the point where I figured out that JK and 1138 are the real villains, not Zoetrope. We cut to the castle of the black knight who keeps hitting on the only mildly attractive Azabeth in front of his wife. Azabeth rebukes his advances and retires to her quarters. She is then forced to undress and take a bath, all while the knights wife watches from behind a rug. As Azabeth gets dressed the wife assaults her, leading to a semi-lesbian scene and providing laughs for all. We then go back to the village where Josh's simple-minded wisdom once again saves the day.
Josh: "If the black knight has a dinosa...I mean DRAGON, why don't we get our own dino...DRAGON?" 1138 and the Vilagers: "Brilliant thinking Joshua!"
So it is decided that the village should acquire their own dino. After stumbling about in the woods JK finds a poorly animated triceratops. He lures the obviously sickly beast around aimlessly for a while, and then puts a saddle on it. Josh decides this harmless, docile, vegetarian creature is the one destined to beat the T-Rex in a deadly battle. He then parades into the village, which has sprung walls and steps out of nowhere, and does a little dance. This is where the movie ends. Will Josh save Azabeth? Will his non-majestic triceratops triumph in battle, find out in the next episode!
-Matt Gifford
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3 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Why does JK rock so hard?, January 4, 2000
This review is from: Josh Kirby:Planet of the Dino-Knights [VHS] (VHS Tape)
Me and my friends were wasted one day and wanted to laugh at somthing, so we rented this garbage. Needless to say, I was blown away! Not only were the Dino-Knight claymation scenes pitifully hilarious, but the acting was off the wall stupendous! It even has a semi lesbian scene! Smoke some dank and watch this gem!
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