Customer Reviews

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness

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Those of us who were adopted in the 60s or before may well never have had our experiences validated. We waste energy we could put into healing wondering, "What's wrong with me?" because we were taught adoption makes no difference, and that asking questions about our origins would be disloyal. Adoptive parents of the same era may well be wondering where they went wrong in raising their adopted children; I know mine have. They didn't do anything wrong, they just weren't given the tools they needed to raise a child they did not give birth to.

For people adopted in the era after books like The Adoption Triangle and The Primal Wound were published, this Journey may seem like wallowing or old hat, but this book was invaluable to me. Reading it and dealing with the feelings it provoked was step one on my journey to healing. This book gave me the courage to find my birth mother. When I was a teenager, the birthmother search was unthinkable, open adoptions didn't exist, and the epithet b*stard was anything but a badge of pride.

If you read this and feel it doesn't apply to you because being adopted doesn't matter, please leave a little space in your head and heart to consider that it just might matter a little bit. Try reading it again in a year or two. If it still doesn't apply to you, count yourself lucky, and have compassion for those of us who feel we were traumatized by adoption.

The Quest For Wholeness is one we all must undertake. Best of luck to you on yours.

Journey of the Adopted Self is truly an inspiring book that spoke not only to me the adult, but also me the child. I am an adoptee who didn't think that adoption affected my overall self until I began to read about *me* between the pages of this book. Identifying with and understanding the psyche of a baby separated from its mother early, I realized that I had always wanted to be cradled when things were difficult in life, that I always wanted to meet someone who could take care of me but was afraid of rejection, and my "natural" instinct to distance my adoptive mother from me may have been my reaction to being separated at birth from my natural mother. This book also described my adoptive brother who seems "stuck" in his evolving into an adult. As I have begun a reunion with my birthmother, my adoptive mother and I have become closer, and with the help of this book, I've been able to be exposed to other points of view objectively instead of just reacting to situations. I truly feel that this is a book that will help adoptees not only cope with the issues of being adopted, but will help heal the invisible scars on our hearts

I find it hard to describe the impact that Ms. Lifton's book has had on me. I spent many nights crying and furiously scribbling in my journal because of the emotional tidal waves that would consume me as I read Journey of the Adopted Self. I read this book seven years after my reunion with my birthparents, and I only wish I had known about it back then. I would very much recommend this book to anyone who has been adopted, as it will help to fit together the jagged pieces of your heart and mind. I can only say "thank you" to Ms. Lifton for writing her insightful and compassionate books; Journey of the Adopted Self is one of the reasons that I am a functional human being today.

This book by Betty Jean Lifton is an eye opening experiance for all that may read it. Things became clear to me after reading this book. I have read many books on the subject of adoption and this is the only one that has been the most apealing and helpful to me as an adoptee. Yet my adoptive mother has also read it and thought it was an exceptional book. I could not really explian how I felt or why till I read "Journy of the Adoptive Self." People don't think a book could have so much impact on a sixteen year old. But, this book was my life saver when I hit rock bottom. So, I highly recomend this book to adoptees, adoptive parents and birth parents of all ages. Give it a chance you will see what I am talking about.

This book is a must have for adoptees and can be useful for birth and adoptive parents. It gave me insights into myself as an adoptee. It clarified emotions and frustrations that I had felt all of my life. It brings to the forefront the true emotional drama that exists in adoption. It doesn't sugarcoat the realities, and it bares the raw and powerful emotions that follow the adopted child all of his/her life. If you want validation, this is the book for you.

Betty Jean Lifton has written a graceful and useful narrative of what it feels like to be an adopted adult under the sealed records system that has prevailed in the US for the past 60 or so years.This book has helped countless adoptees understand themsleves a little better, and it has also enlightened adoptive parents, and birthmothers like myself.

Everything Betty Jean Lifton writes on this subject is worth reading, and discussing, and in many cases, taking to heart. She is a masterful writer of prose, and her psychological insights often ring true.

This is THE basic adoption reform book--along with BJ's earlier "Lost And Found". All the rest take off from here. I would especially recomend BJ's books to birthmothers in search or in reunion seeking for insight into the mind and soul of the adoptee.

Some may argue that there is nothing "unwhole" about adoptees. Then again, some people are wildly outraged by adoptees searching - those people usually threatened themselves by the notion for some personal reason. As an adoptee who had a positive adoptive experience I nonetheless felt the need to search. My parents helped me and the experience ultimately did make me feel more "whole", although it was not entirely positive. Lifton writes beautifully and incorporates poetry, folklore and psychology into her tale of the adoptee experience. I don't agree with the emphasis on in-utero and birthing experiences as forming later attitudes, and I also don't think open adoption is for everyone, but I do think this is a wonderful, worthwhile book all people touched by adoption should read.

As an adoptive mother, this book was very helpful as I tried to help my daughter in her search for self. It gave words to feelings that were very difficult for all of us to understand. I feel very fortunate to have some idea, at least, of what she is dealing with and trying to work through. It feels good to be a part of the process in whatever way I can to support her, and this book has enabled us to once again talk about what is important.

I have read MANY books on adoption and the impact it has on the triad. Some were good, some were bad, some were REALLY bad. From the moment I picked up this book, I could not put it down. Finally, a book that describes me and the way I feel! It is no longer a mystery as to why I am the way I am! This book is a MUST READ for all members of the adoption triad. I had many "light bulb moments" while reading this book and it has helped me immensely to know that I am not the only adoptee out there thinking and feeling this way. It has also helped me better understand my birth mother and how her experience has affected her. Thank you Betty Jean Lifton for writing this book. It has changed my way of thinking and changed my life for the better!

As an adopted person myself, reading Betty Jean Lifton's Journey of the Adopted Self became a sudden & mesmerizing voyage of discovery. It is filled with moving life stories of adopted men & women, just like myself. It examines how separation & secrecy affect adoptees' sense of identity & our relationships to our adoptive parents. I had my arms full of books at our local library & I'd set them down to go through my choices once more before checking out when my eyes were caught by the book laying there on the counter. My hands reached out for it & all the others in my pile paled. This book changed my life, gave me names for malaises that have plagued me all my life. Wonderful stuff!