Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone [Hardcover]

Mark Goulston M.D. (Author), Keith Ferrazzi (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 15, 2009

The first make-or-break step in persuading anyone to do any thing is getting them to hear you out. Whether the person is a harried colleague, a stressed-out client, or an insecure spouse, things will go from bad to worse if you can't break through emotional barricades. Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and coach, and backed by the latest scientific research, author Mark Goulston shares simple but power ful techniques readers can use to really get through to people--whether they're coworkers, friends, strangers, or enemies. Getting through is a fine art but a critical one. With the help of this groundbreaking book readers will be able to turn the "impossible" and "unreachable" people in their lives into allies, devoted customers, loyal colleagues, and lifetime friends.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Goulston (Get Out of Your Own Way at Work) returns with a primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every scenario—defiant executives, angry employees, families in turmoil, warring couples—through use of well-honed psychological techniques. Negotiating intractable situations is like driving up a steep hill, he posits, but most of us make the mistake of creating more resistance by shifting up; downshift, and you get control, he writes. His Persuasion Cycle filters illustrative snippets from counseling sessions during which he digs into an impressive bag of tricks—Magic Paradox, Impossibility Question, Empathy Jolt—techniques like martial arts moves: potent on their own, but even more powerful when you combine them. His successful persuasion case studies include negotiating a police standoff and assisting a married couple's conflict resolution. Chapter summaries feature action steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

[starred review] “Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and FBI hostage-negotiation trainer, Goulston provides brilliant yet doable techniques for getting through to others... This book transcends the self-help category by promoting real communication.” --Library Journal

“an impressive bag of tricks… a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful” --Publishers Weekly

"The most useful (five-star) book on communicating... Everyone can be a better communicator with the right knowledge, and this book makes learning interesting and easy." --Lindsey Novak, nationally syndicated "At Work" columnist

"It's a measure of how contentious work relationships can get that the author, a psychiatrist, draws on hostage-negotiation techniques to instruct readers on how to deal with 'defiant executives, angry employees or self-destructing management teams'.... Mission accomplished." --Time Magazine

"useful and applicable techniques and strategies for everything from getting teams to work together, to handling narcissistic clients (or is that a redundancy?), and getting your message across to even the most impenetrable people" --Accounting Today

"Just Listen is a banquet of approaches and ideas that's easy to devour the first time around, and a flavorful feast whenever you use portions as a reference book. It's certainly one of the best how-to books of the year." --Inland Empire Business Journal

"A primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every scenario -- definat executives, angry employees, families in turmoil, warring couples -- through use of well-honed psychological techniques. Illustrative snippets from counseling session reveal martial-arts like techniques: potent on their own, but even more powerful when you combine them. Chapter summaries feature action steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful." --CareerBuilder.com

"Just Listen is not only helpful for any kind of business, it teaches a skill that will aid you outside of the office too." --Niche Magazine

"Just Listen is an excellent guide for learning how to break down barriers." --Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: AMACOM; 1 edition (September 15, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0814414036
• ISBN-13: 978-0814414033
• Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 1 x 9.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (212 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,933 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #52 in Books > Business & Investing > Skills > Communications

More About the Author

Over his career as an organizational consultant, relationship counselor, and hostage-negotiation trainer, Mark Goulston has found what works, consistently, to reach all kinds of people in any type of situation. What it comes down to is "Daring to Care" which is the mission of the global community Heartfelt Leadership that he co-founded.

In his latest book, REAL INFLUENCE, Dr. Goulston along with co-author Dr. John Ullmen have interviewed more than 100 influential people and distilled a 4 step model that they have in common. As he explains, "We are in a 'post-selling/post-pushing' world where most people can't stand to either of these done to them and don't enjoy when they have to do it to others." He says, "There is a way to persuade without pushing and that is by positively influencing people, because influence can last a lifetime, whereas persuasion sometimes doesn't even last until the end of a conversation."

In REAL INFLUENCE you'll discover the first step in Dr. Goulston's and Dr. Ullmen's model which is to "go for great outcomes." That is far beyond where people want to go and be, to where and who they could be. It's about helping people see past a goal to possibility that is often game and life changer.

Mark Goulston is a psychiatrist, business consultant, executive coach, and a hostage-negotiation trainer for the FBI. A bestselling author whose books include "Get Out of Your Own Way" and "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work" and his last #1 international and #1 kindle best selling book, "Just Listen" Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. He blogs or contributes to Harvard Business, Fast Company, Business Insider and writes the "Closing Bell" for C-Suite Quarterly Magazing and the Tribune syndicated column, "Solve Anything with Dr. Mark." Frequently called upon to share his expertise with the media, he has been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, and Reuters; has offered commentary on NPR, CNN, and Fox News; and has appeared on the Oprah and Today shows. He lives in Los Angeles, California.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

113 of 114 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Your Consultative Sales Playbook December 16, 2009

By Jennifer E. Sertl

Format:Hardcover

Everywhere I turn I am being advised to leverage social media. There is even the new concept of " 33 million people in the room." With so many channels and methods to communicate to higher levels of influence and greater numbers in an audience, it is refreshing to know that the playing field is still relatively flat. Just because you have access to people, doesn't mean you are making IMPACT. Mark Goulston's, "Just Listen" is filled with realistic scenarios, assessment tests, and a real candid mirror.
If you aren't getting the results you want in your personal or professional life, there is probably a reason within your control--you probably aren't an effective communicator.
In pure Gouldston style--you are hit right between the eyes. In Section II Goulston shares his "nine core rules:"
1. Move yourself from "oh F#@& to OK"
2. Rewire yourself to listen
3. Make the other person feel "felt"
4. Be more interested than interesting
5. Make people feel valuable
6. Help people to exhale emotionally and mentally
7. Check your dissonance at the door
8. When all seems lost bare your neck
9. Steer clear of toxic people
You might read over this list and "yeah, yeah, yeah I do those things already." Do you? Do you really? What makes "Just Listen" so powerful is that Goulston shares several examples where he was out of alignment with these nine core rules. His transparency forces the reader to be more reflective and take personal responsibility.
Creating dissonance is the barrier I most need to resolve. I could see myself in several of the practical scenarios outlined. Having raised awareness I was sure this week would be different. The hardest part about being human is . . . well, being human.... We think we are smart, using our prefrontal cortex--where long term decision making, cause-effect thinking take place-and then we make a choice just a little wiser than a reptile. Bottom line is--just because we are aware of something that needs to change; that awareness doesn't guarantee change. Being effective truly requires introspection, practice and patience. "Just Listen" is not a quick read. It is a workbook, a playbook, and flight plan. For the wisdom here to truly support sustainable progress, you might be keeping it as accessible as your blackberry.
Sales managers, marriage counselors, teachers, and spouses "Just Listen" is the greatest gift you could give yourself to enhance your own awareness and ability to reach those who are most important to you. Just read! Read more ›

129 of 143 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Just Listen to this! September 7, 2009

By Peter B. Patch

Format:Hardcover

Just Listen:

It's Labor Day, and I can't stop reading my new favorite book!

The book is `Just Listen,' by Mark Goulston.

As I read it, I find that each of his messages `hit's home' in three ways at once: it is simple to understand, easy to remember, and directly actionable. I find myself wanting to have my next big client interview right away - so I can try out these `easy to remember - easy to apply' techniques of communication.

What do I remember from the book? A series of `burning insights':

First, that my `reptile brain' (or amygdala) kicks in when I am `reactive' or `ballistic' (as I am on occasion), but if I can put a label on my feeling at that point - `I am upset' or `I am angry,' I can begin to get control over my response.

Mark carries this forward to the point where I can begin to have a `rational' conversation with myself, using my `human brain' - and, for example, with my wife(!) - but I'll leave that to him as he describes it in the book.

Key note: The point here is to `Listen to myself' and my own internal reactions. As Mark puts it, `if you want to open the lines of communication, open your own mind first.'

A second `burning insight': Make the other person `feel felt.' This one requires a kind of emotional intelligence - the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. When you learn to do it, you will find the `barriers' to communication begin to come down, and the window (or door) to building a new possibility of relationship begin to open.

A third `burning insight': How to increase the `PEP' in your business - or your family. `PEP' stands for passion, enthusiasm, and pride. I'll give you a hint - only try this one if you've got a thick skin....

A fourth `burning insight': `How to make the impossible possible.'

I know - this one sounds like a `stretch.' It is - but that is exactly the point: It stretches our minds. This one looks at what could make something seemingly impossible into something that - while challenging - could suddenly begin to seem possible.

Once again, by changing the mental frame from which we look at a situation, new possibilities begin to emerge. That, of course, is a central message of the whole book.

But by capturing those situations in which I (we) find ourselves - or our responses - or our conversations - or our relationships (seemingly) blocked, or unworkable - Mark keeps showing ways to `untie' the Gordian knot, and make forward progress.

If you find any Gordian knots in yourself, or your communications, or your relationships - I heartily recommend this book.

It just may be the simplest, easiest - and most powerful - book I ever read.

So - try it yourself. On yourself. On your relationships. I think you'll find new possibilities, and newly achievable outcomes showing up in your life. Actually, I would bet on it.

Peter Patch (Stanford MBA, Harvard Doctoral Program in Business & Economics) Read more ›

85 of 94 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, Practical, Useful and a Great Read August 27, 2009

By Peter Winick

Format:Hardcover

This book is a must read for anyone that would like to decrease the frustration levels in their life and become more effective by focusing on the "other side" of communicating, listening. Written in a style that is easy to read, engaging and entertaining Dr Goulston doesn't bog you down with the typical shrink babble; instead throughout the book there are stories and examples that everyone can relate to. More importantly the tips and solutions on how to easily implement a solution are logical, practical and more importantly doable-- and they work!

70 of 77 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Usable Insight, Indeed September 7, 2009

By Tami Conner

Format:Hardcover

OK, I'll admit it. I am a Dr. Goulston fan - I read his blog "Usable Insight" regularly. Which is why I hopped on the chance to preview a copy of his latest book, "Just Listen" ... And wow! am I glad I did.

This book exceeded my expectations. "Just Listen" is engaging, enthralling, and practical. Dr. Goulston lays out a system for improving your communication style that you can live with - no "fancy-smancy-gotta-change-your-sacred-self-or-else" stuff here. Instead, Dr. Goulston provides practical, usable insight that is applicable for in both your professional and personal lives.

Who hasn't needed to give themselves a "jeckectomy" every once in a while, or move themselves mentally and emotionally from "Oh F#@& to OK"? Even before I finished reading (and re-reading) "Just Listen", I was already trying out some of the techniques from "The Nine Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone." The "Power Thank You?" I gave my mom one, and she cried. That one simple, powerful "thank you Mom" was a breakthrough in our relationship.

And if you're looking for real-life, day-to-day business scenarios in which to apply the techniques, look no further than the section titled, "Putting It All Together: Fast Fixes for Seven Challenging Situations." These scenarios would make team-building case studies and exercises!

No matter what you pay for this book, the insights inside are PRICELESS!