Customer Reviews

The It's Just Lunch Guide to Dating in Cleveland

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Here's why I am highly recommending this book. A typical Cleveland dating situation:

Bunnie Bilgewater, recently divorced and in her late thirties, wants to avoid her angry ex-husband. The stupid loser likes to stand on the front lawn of her apartment building and yell embarrassing things up to her on the third floor, and the neighbors are getting pissed. Nothing left to do but find a way out.

One day, Bunnie decides to take action. She goes to Target and buys a miracle bra and a low cut sweater two sizes too small. "Time to stake out a man-claim," she laughingly tells one of the women at work the next day. At five o'clock, she promptly leaves her job in downtown Cleveland, hops on the rapid, and heads to the Eleven-Seven Lounge, one of the many "shot and a beer" joints close to where she lives, in one of the city's older neighborhoods.

One or two heads turn in the Eleven-Seven as Bunnie makes her way to the bar, orders a Jack and Coke and daintily plops her rear end on one of the barstools. About three hours ands several drinks later, a guy who looks like a failed version of Larry Fine challenges her to a game on the bowling machine. He smells like aqua velva and beer and has roofing tar all over his hands.

"Get lost," she tells the would-be Romeo. "Can'tcha see I'm busy?"
"Well, you ain't exactly no Paris Hilton, either. Ya want some popcorn?"
"Okay. You ain't George Clooney either, but you wear pants."

Several variations of this scene are repeated every night for the next two weeks. After that, Larry Fine moves in with Bunnie. At first, the two get along, but after about a week, Larry Fine stays out all night with one of his old girlfriends.

When he shows up at Bunnie's apartment the next day, she promptly punches him in the nose, causing his beak to bleed. He leaves the apartment a few minutes later with toilet paper stuffed in his nostrils.

Bunnie feels weird about getting so angry. Later the next day, the two make up and Larry Fine moves back in with Bunnie.

Three weeks later, Bunnie's landlord tells her that Larry Fine will no longer be allowed in the apartment building because he's responsible for setting fire to a couch in the lobby - the result of being in a drunken stupor. Bunnie objects, but the landlord says that he has the incident on videotape to prove it.

Bunnie returns to her apartment and confronts Larry Fine. After she punches him in the nose, she tells him to get lost, this time for good. Larry Fine packs up his belongings and bids his former love good-bye. He is last seen walking west along Lorain Avenue, leaving Bunnie and the old neighborhood, never to be seen again.

The next day, Bunnie returns to her place on the barstool at the Eleven-Seven to stake out another man-claim.

"I'm getting to be a tired old babe," she says while confiding her situation to Heather, another female customer at the Eleven-Seven. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Get used to it kid," says Heather. "I just saw a guy wearing a dress the other night and I'm going to stay the hell out of Lakewood."

People, dating doesn't need to be this way! Buy this book, read it, and take heed!