Customer Reviews

Just Tell the Truth: Questions Families Ask When Gay Married Men Come Out

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In this honest and deeply personal portrayal, Dr. Norman organizes his book around the questions and answers that family members and friends might have in trying to understand men in their lives who come out after being married. Dr. Norman brings to the table his years of experience and training as a minister, theologian, and practicing psychologist.

Having gone through this exact same struggle over the past five years, it was very helpful for me to see that another man had had such similar thoughts and feelings as he struggled to love and accept himself in order to live. He explains the process many men go through and adds his own personal experience both as a gay man who came out after years of hiding in a straight marriage, as well as his years of counseling experience in listening to the stories of others.

Anyone interested in hearing what these men think and feel, should read this book. I will recommend it to my friends and family so that they might understand just how hard the past few years have been and so that they might learn that my coming out was literally a choice of life over death.

I think it's easy to dismiss this title because the subject matter is difficult/distasteful for many people. However, for those of us who grew up in church, for those of us who want to make it through the dark passages of our secret lives, for those of us who see no possible way to manage the incongruencies of marriage and homosexual orientation, Terry Norman offers his story.

No one in my world wanted to have a candid discussion with me. No one was equipped to compassionately answer my desperate questions. No one, that is, except Terry Norman. I needed this book and found it at the right time. I hope others will find it too.

I probably read 50 different books about coming out and reconciling my spiritual life with new gay life. This book was a tremendous help and comfort to me. The author is so sincere and revealing. He really gives you a glimpse into his inner most heart. I have bought about 6 of these books and given them to friends who were struggling with coming out and dealing with the "Christian" upbringing. They do NOT have to conflict. God is a God of love and healing and this book really helped me so much. Thank you!

Got this for a friend based on a recommendation--it does what it claims to by helping walk through [married in particular] men from the closet to living an open life.

It is written from a religious perspective, meant to help those who are gay believers. That, plus the fact it was written in 1997, means it isn't necessarily the best tool for those coming out, but with that context in mind--he does a good job with most advice still relevant today.

One day I walked into a bookstore and picked up this book on a whim. After reading the back cover, I purchased this book, took it home and read it. Since that time I have picked up additional copies as distributed them to friends and men who are questioning their state of marriage.
I am a gay man and had been out twenty years when I picked up this book. Like Dr. Katherine Kubla Ross' (sp, I know)stages of death and dying, Dr. Norman's observations of the stages a man goes through coming out to himself, his family and friends, and ultimately the world are right on. Although I have never been married, I, too, went through the stages Dr. Norman details in his book.
When I met the man who is currently my partner, he was in Stage One. He read "Just Tell The Truth", and it helped him understand his own emotional tumult; knowing that one is not alone in an experience can be quite reassuring, as it was with my partner.
I have encountered other men who feel that they are gay and heterosexually married. This book has been a balm to them in understanding their suddenly occuring new and intense emotions. I think it also provides insight to the non-gay as to what a gay man goes through.

Dr. Norman's clear opinion is that all married men who feel same-sex yearnings are, in fact, homosexuals who are doing themselves terrible spiritual damage by not being "authentic". Claiming that God himself came to the author in his college years and urged him to embrace his true, gay self, Dr. Norman dismisses notions of bisexuality as a mere stage on the way to true self-discovery. He says that the only correct thing for such men to do is leave their marriages and families in order to achieve mature "orientational authenticity". In this self-published book, the he insists that all men with sexual identity conflicts should follow the author's own chosen path. He leaves no room for individual differences or alternative choices.

The author himself left his wife of twenty years, his three children, and his church in order to pursue his own "authentic orientation". Ten years later, he is devoting his life and his counselling practice to helping others do exactly what he did.

By the way, his boyfriend also left him.

I'm glad he's happy. I just don't think his answer is necessarily right for everyone.