Customer Reviews

The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child: With No Pills, No Therapy, No Contest of Wills

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This book has changed the lives of me and my children permanently. I only wish Alan Kazdin hadn't taken so long to write it! He was very busy doing good work, though, and obviously taking good notes so that he could pass it on to all of us.

We have been using Kazdin's Method for 2 weeks now and I am amazed by the results. Our morning routine of getting ready for school and out the door needed a serious overhaul. We hit rockbottom one morning that ended in a lot of yelling and I knew I needed to do something drastically different. My 2 boys(6 and 9) are now out of bed right when their alarm goes off at 6:30 am, dressed and downstairs for breakfast even before I can get it ready. They then get up promptly from the table, brush teeth and hair and have their backpacks ready to go for the carpool a full 15 mins. before they need to be. My 6-yr. old came down one morning and said, "You know Mommy, now we have so much extra time that I think we should make our beds before we go too." I was nearly too stunned to talk! They do all of this so that they can get points and bonus points to go to the library, stay up an extra 15 mins., get a small gift certificate ($5) for a store, etc. Kazdin makes sure you get the all important details right, however, before you implement such a program. You have to get it all right or it won't work! But it isn't hard and I really enjoy using the program and helping the kids cash in their rewards.

This book can help with some serious defiance/behavior issues, but I wish that it was aimed more at just general parenting too. I think all parents can use ideas when the going gets tough. I know that's when I'm at my worst. Now I feel prepared. It is important to note that Kazdin mentions what to do in situations where the behavior is severe but doesn't happen very often (low-rate behavior). I have tried his method for that also with absolute success. I'm so impressed and wish that he could find a way to implement this in a school setting for "problem kids" with behaviors that need to change.

I can't say enough good things about this book and Alan Kazdin. He will change the way children are raised and disciplined and all with very positive results.

My first child is an "easy" child, but my second child MORE than makes up for it. I have struggled for years to try to "tame" her somehow. I've read dozens of parenting books and even tried the "supernanny" methods, and NOTHING has worked on my child. Timeouts, losing priveleges, even taking everything out of her room, yelling, spanking, you name it we've tried it, nothing has had any effect on her behavior at all. I am so relieved to finally find a parenting book that explains why none of those methods, and why punishment in general do not work to change behavior (except temporarily). This book explains what does work, and he lays it all out in excruciating detail so you basically can't go wrong. When I got this book in the mail, I sat down and read it in one evening - it is a very easy read and has lots of good example stories. I had to go back to some sections when I actually began to implement the method to look up certain details, but the book is very well organized so it was easy to find what I was looking for. The main thing about his method is positive reinforcement - yes everybody knows that - but this book explains how to do positive reinforcement correctly so that it actually works! I wish I had read this book years ago because it has made me and my family so much happier. I highly, highly recommend this book.

Alan Kazdin is one of a half-dozen psychologists who have devoted their lives to research and treatment of problem children. This book has been a godsend to dozens of parents I see in my clinical practice. In fact, I buy it in quantity, stock it in my office, and sell it to them AT COST so they can refer to it at home. I have gotten very good feedback.

Who WOULD benefit from this book? The answer is in the title: parents of DEFIANT children. These are children who are cognitively normal, not involved in crime or criminal threat groups, and not addicted to drugs, yet are defiant, argumentative, disobedient, and generally tiresome around the house. For the millions of parents who have ended up with children they just don't like, this book contains the best parenting advice available.

Some children have special problems, such as autistic-spectrum disorders, ADHD, sensory integration disorder, and the like. The bottom line is, any child who does not respond positively to the program in this book (fully implemented, not attempted halfway or half-heartedly) should be taken for a psychological evaluation to determine what factors play into the discipline problems other than parenting practices. For example, ADHD can't be parented away, but if it is PROPERLY medicated, then the remaining behavior problems can be parented away using the principles in this book or similar books.

For children with attention problems I recommend and use Russell Barkley's books on the defiant child and defiant teen, as Barkley has specialized in working with this population. For children with conduct disorder, there's almost no hope of success unless the parents work with a psychologist who is trained in the behavior protocols designed specifically for conduct-disordered children -- and even these may be insufficient. A parent with a complex problem such as this should never just buy a book and try to treat the problem at home, any more than they would buy a home surgical guide and take out their own child's appendix.

Bottom line: if your child is driving you nuts, but has no obvious really serious problems (no probation record, can pay attention in class, and such), this book is an excellent resource. Buy it, read it, and apply it. If it doesn't work, find a psychologist who specializes in behavior problems in children, who knows Barkley's and Kazdin's work, and who is familiar with diagnosis and treatment of a variety of childhood disorders -- NOT a psychologist who will do play therapy or just talk to the kid, but one who follows specific treatment protocols for serious behavior problems. If you can't find one, either go through the website for the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy, or the American Board for Clinical and Child Psychology, www.clinicalchildpsychology.com. They will help you find someone who specializes in this challenging domain.

And good luck with your children.

Just before writing this interview, I read that drug company Eli Lilly was facing some challenges with the drug Strattera, possibly because of the backlash to reaching for prescription pads every time a child hits a bump in the behavioral road. This book ties in with that news because it is touted as being an alternative to pills.

Don't get me wrong. I had at least one child (now an adult) who had what I truly believe is ADD....but we didn't rush to judgment on that diagnosis and it took a long round of observations, trial and error and other changes before we turned to medications. So I'm not ANTI-medication. I am ANTI "jumping to conclusions". We waited a good year or longer before we came to any conclusions.

One thing that struck me, even before reading the book was a fact found on the author's website, information about how the children he sees at his clinic are "younger than before" and are being asked to function in ways not necessarily appropriate for small children (or, as the author puts it, "asked to function well...in daycare" in ways they might not have to behave at home, in ways no small child can behave all day. Children are children and they get tired and whiny and have tantrums and don't often behave well in structured settings.

Now to the book - I loved it. There is a focus on being mindful about how to discipline children and to move away from techniques that don't work and often escalate to shouting matches, threats and harsh punishments. Instead, Mr. Kazdin focuses on proven (emphasis on PROVEN) techniques to handle the type of common - and not so common - challenges that parents face. I haven't read anything like this and I've read quite a few parenting books. I'm suggesting it to young mothers I know and who seem open to such suggestions. I might even leave a copy in a local daycare center or school. The information might keep some child from being put on drugs for simply going through a normal developmental milestone.

Again, I believe that ADD is real. I also believe that over-medication is real. Read this book and figure out if this is the answer for your defiant or otherwise difficult child or if you need something more. The extra information won't hurt.

I bought the book after seeing it profiled in Newsweek, more out of curiosity than out of some deep seated problems with my kids. I have a 5 yr. old, and she's pretty easy going, the 2yr. old is also mellow. However, I had the usual battles over showers, bedtime, brushing teeth etc. that make parenting so frustrating and that suck the joy out of every day family dynamics. I started implementing the ideas as I read them, and I have to say that applying the method just once a week has worked amazingly well. The rules set for one day a week spill over to the rest of the week, and it has really made parenting a lot more enjoyable. Before, I thought that my interactions with my children were limited to hammering them about things they needed to do, and now, it's almost as if there's more time to do fun things because their responsibilities are accomplished without struggles. In a nutshell, my daughter has become aware that the better she behaves, the more rewards she gets, in little material rewards, and more importantly, positive attention. I'm a believer. I enthusiastically recommend it.

This book provides easy to follow guidance for parents to use to help their children be successful, socialized, and contributing members of the family team. The scientific support discussed helps the reader understand what does and doesn't work well. I recommend it for all parents, whether they deem their children defiant or not.

There are three things that parents need to know about this book.

1) the methods described here have been extensively researched for several decades by one of the world's very best and most dedicated scientists. When Kazdin talks about the value of punishment versus rewards, for example, or how to make punishment more effective, there is deep knowledge and science behind his suggestions.

2) the book is for parents - not teachers, therapists, or academics - it is directly relevant for everyday parenting.

3) it works. Use the methods and techniques in this book and your child's behavior will improve ... and just as important, your relationship with him or her will improve.

And finally, the book is quite comprehensive. It covers the typical situations such as refusing to do homework, the the less common ones of how to deal with joint custody. Or how to deal with pre-adolescents differently from adolescents, etc. Or how to enlist teachers, babysitters and others so that you are all giving your child the same message.

Buy this book, but more importantly ... use it. It will make a real difference.

This new parenting resource, by the current president of the American Psychological Association and director of the Yale Parenting Center and Conduct Clinic, is THE MOST PHENOMENAL PARENTING BOOK I'VE EVERY READ! As a pediatric nurse and parent of an anxious 9-year-old and occasionally defiant 11-year-old, I was searching for ways to decrease conflict and stress in our family. I checked out this book from the library and thought I'd read a chapter or two that evening, but I ended up staying up until 2 am to finish the book because I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN! The next morning, I purchased copies of the book for myself, my brother-in-law, and my mom (who's a child therapist). Very easy to read and refreshingly down-to-earth (even funny at times), Kazdin's book is ABSOLUTELY REVOLUTIONARY in his approach to help parents understand WHY certain discipline methods are ineffective and WHAT parents can do to really change children's behavior WITHOUT THE USUAL POWER STRUGGLES, YELLING, OR HARSH PUNISHMENTS. Also, my kids are very excited about the positive changes in our family! "WOW!" is all I can say! I will HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to family, friends, coworkers, and parents of my patients at work. THANK YOU, DR. KAZDIN!

This book has turned around our three and four year old children. I wake up now to happy kids who want to get up and get ready for the day and go places. We have gone from feeling like we are on a parental battleground for tasks just to get out the door to having mutually rewarding relationships and conversations with our kids. Mom and Dad are happier and feel more in control of our lives. The book teaches PROVEN research how to get the behaviors we need and want in our kids. It works. If only the court systems, social services, lawyers, and judges would read it and recommend it!

This book would be excellent for teachers as well as parents who want to help children develop the habit of good behavior. The method spells out how exactly to institute a positive-reinforcement rewards program to turn around a child's behavior. Kazdin gives specific scenarios, graphics to show how to make a chart, and even gives you a kind of script of what to say (which is really great for those of us who are not naturals). He says the research shows that it really only takes a few weeks of intensive work to create a good behavior habit.

parts of his method (like a rewards chart) will sound familiar to anyone who's worked with kids, but he says the key is in following the method to the tee. It's based on years of behavioral research. How can you knock it?

I really wish he'd published this book a few years ago when I was teaching very badly behaved and underprivileged kids in a bad neighborhood. I think it could make a big difference in such schools if teachers had this tool.

(Hey, Dr. Kazdin! How about giving your book to all teachers in schools that are failing the No Child Left Behind standards? It'd be a godsend.)