Amazon.com Review
In this competitive age, where children are busier than their parents and parents are obsessed with their child's achievements, psychiatrist Ian Tofler and writer Theresa Foy DiGeronimo have asked an urgent question: where do parents draw the line between encouraging and pushing too hard? Their book,
Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them from Behind is a compelling and practical blueprint for preventing kids from being overscheduled, overworked, and overly pressured.
To map the differences between encouragement and exploitation, the authors describe relationships between parents and children throughout history. They underline the squirmy similarity between the 17th century child working long hours in English coal mines and the 21st century child expected to practice piano for four hours after school, play football when injured, or attend summer SAT boot camp. "We believe the line is drawn at the point that separates the parent's needs and goals from those of the child," say Tofler and DiGeronimo.
Vivid examples drawn from both celebrity children (actress Natalie Portman and 7-year-old pilot Jessica Dubroff ) and talented kids from across the country suggest both guidelines and red flag warnings for parents who want to support the development of talent while protecting their children. One chapter grabs narcissistic, needy parents by the lapels and gives their behavior the bad label it deserves: "Achievement by Proxy Disorder"--a syndrome where the parents need for fame, wealth, and recognition (as gained through a child's accomplishments) takes priority over the child's needs and goals. Other insightful chapters focus on a seven-step plan that avoids APD and helps parents to evaluate and encourage their talented children. Tofler and DiGeronimo urge parents to settle for nothing less than putting the fun back into being a child. This wise and necessary book suggests a wholehearted golden rule for nurturing talent: love children for what they are; not for what they do. --Barbara Mackoff
Review
"This book provides the third voice that parents of gifted chidlren really need to help make the difficult everyday decisions. How much study or practice is too much versus too little? How much pressure or competition is an incentive for a child's mastery, and how much is too stressful for a young talented person?" (Bonnie and Fred Waitzkin, Bonnie Waitzkin, director of chess program for gifted elementary school children, Fred Waitzkin, author, Searching for Bobby Fischer and The Last Marlin.)
"An excellent book for all parents to read! It fills a void especially for parents with kids in sports." (Joan Ryan, author, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes)
"A concise yet richly developed book on a critical topic for this century, by a well-respected psychiatrist." (Ron Kamm, M.D., vice president, International Society for Sport Psychiatry and fellow of the American Psychiatric Association)
"Tofler and DiGeronimo's pre-eminent book develops reasoned approaches to the development of healthy, successful, and talented children, while avoiding the potentially damaging, even deadly demands placed upon their young shoulders. . . . [they] have provided marvelous examples, suggestions, guidelines, and conclusions. They will show you how to define the distinctions between healthy nurturing and harmful exploitation as you bring your talented, highly talented or even genius children in a family setting." (Larry Stone, M.D., past president, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio)
