Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide [Paperback]

Ph.D. Harville Hendrix (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 1, 1993

Your dream of finding a partner is a natural and normal human instinct and your dream is perfectly achievable. Whatever your history, whatever your heartbreak, as a single person you are in an ideal position to learn what you need to know what what you can do to greatly improve your chances for finding, and keeping, love.

With Keeping the Love You Find, renowned relationship therapist and bestselling author Harville Hendrix will help you to:

• IDENTIFY your Imago -- the fantasy partner that your unconscious mind, which has a hidden agenda of its own, has chosen for you
• BREAK FREE from those patterns in your parents' marriage that you have unknowingly accepted as your relationship model
• CREATE hope in place of despair, companionship instead of loneliness
• DEVELOP communication skills to turn conflict into contact -- and togetherness
• TRANSFORM every past relationship into a source of positive growth
• DISCOVER the rewards of real love -- and the little things that make it last

...and more. Filled with wisdom and compassion, Keeping the Love You Find will help get your next relationship off to the best start and keep your love strong for a lifetime.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., a clinical pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, has more than thirty-five years' experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples' therapist.

Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Atria Books; 15th printing edition (February 1, 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0671734202
• ISBN-13: 978-0671734206
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (41 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #10,186 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #59 in Books > Religion & Spirituality > New Age > New Thought

More About the Author

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., a clinical pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, has more than thirty-five years' experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples' therapist.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

138 of 165 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Really good, but needs to clarify his definition of "Marriag, May 2, 2002

By 

Elmer Craven (Union City, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide (Paperback)

This is an exceptional book of its kind -- I usually loathe so called "Self-Help" books, but I find the author's "Imago" theory -- based on the belief that we subconciously seek out partners that resemble our parents because they trigger childhood wounds and/or parts of ourselves we have disowned, and the reason for this is that our subconcious has a deep yearning for those wounds to be healed, and for us to reclaim our shadow parts and become whole again. Is that long-winded enough ??? There's no magic answers here, but reading this book you may begin to understand why you repeat the same destructive behaviors in relationships, and begin to realize that far from being something that's beyond your control, it is in fact patterns that your subconcious is deliberately recreating, and will in fact continue to do so until you conciously decide to heal.

However, I find his assertion that complete healing is only possible within the context of a committed marriage to be a complete fallacy, and I base this assertion on experience, on individuals I know who have made incredible healing breakthroughs as single people. Yes, the guarantee of a committed lifelong partner and a commitment to each other's healing creates a stable and permanent environment for healing and growth to happen, but such healing and growth is possible outside the context of a marriage. It may involve more work and more commitment on the part of the individual, but believe me, its possible.

115 of 140 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Best Self-Help Book I've Ever Read, February 9, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide (Paperback)

Over the past five years, I have reread KTLYF and redone all the exercises several times (I'm midway through the fourth now). Each time, I learn more about myself and my relationships. Each time, I am enlightened by some new insight or gratified to see my hypotheses validated. KTLYF applies real, complex psychology principles in a way that lay people can understand. It's not easy. You are asked to do exercises to uncover yourself. If you don't do the exercises, the book will be of little value. The fastest I've ever been through the process has been a month of working on it several hours a day. But every minute is worth the time and the effort. I can see why I've made the choices I've made; I can see that they actually make sense; I don't need to beat myself up for making them. I am aware. And that awareness is a giant step toward healing and finding the type of love I seek. This is the best self-help book I've ever read.

64 of 77 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Challenging Experience, January 10, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide (Paperback)

This book is not handing out easy answers. The books main focus is helping you dig up your personal info. Such things as Upbringing, Dating History, Sexual History, Self-Opinion, Personality, Dreams, etc. When you understand more about yourself, you understand what you need.

A bit of warning though, Dr. Hendrix's book could leave you depressed at times. The exercises are very personal in nature and can reopen old wounds, traumas, etc. In the middle I asked myself "Is there any hope for me?" Hendrix answers with a firm, undeniable yes. And its true.

I would recommend it to anyone at any age who is willing to do some soul searching, emotional understanding, and self awareness.