UNDERWOOD: You know, in Gaffneh, South Carolahhna, where I’m from, we have a sayin’: A ton of peaches and a dead mule may not feel the same, but if you’ahh deaf, blind, cannot smell, and had never encountered eithah of those objects—well, you wouldn’t know the difference, now would you?
STAMPER: Sir, who are you talking to?
Frank Underwood Will Not Tolerate Insubordination in this Olive Garden
(click to zoom)
At least 87 percent of casual, small-talk conversations last too long. The problem here is twofold:
• People are afraid to end the conversation and; • “It’s time to end this talk” hints are ignored.
A solution to the first problem after the jump …
This is something lots of people struggle with, so don’t feel bad.First, do not fear the conversational reaper. All things begin and all things end, including this conversation you are engaged in.
Essentially, instead of sexting that random person (who might not appreciate it OR might share it with the world) send them to a close friend, who will tell you you look hot. Only send PG or PG-13 rated pics, obviously.
Frexting etiquette includes replying with positive emojis, including but not limited to the little fire, a cat with hearts for eyes and clapping.
This is a surprisingly fun and empowering thing to do.
Hello! I’m so glad you like the blog.
So first off, and I know this is hard, but please don’t think of your body as terrible. Oh, this is so much easier said than done! But bodies aren’t terrible no matter what they look like. They are lovely and wonderful things that carry us from place to place and keep us alive. They are super neat and have dozens of organs diligently doing their jobs and are the only thing in this entire world that’s ever really ours.
You can’t j
(Photo by David Kasnic)
Your tree has a long and complicated backstory, one that includes daredevil helicopter pilots, giant snow-cone machines housed inside truck stops, 18-hour days battling Oregon sleet and, of course, the fickle hibernation habits of squirrels.
Here is how (and where) an American Christmas tree comes to life.
Did y'all know that when I’m not writing this blog, I’m a long-form features writer?
If your tip is coming in a non-traditional way (cash, or you’ve split the bill down the middle but one person is going to pay the entire tip) it’s a very, very sweet thing to write “see other” or “cash” on the tip line.
People a) know you’ve tipped them and b) don’t get in trouble if they work in one of those nightmare restaurants where the boss checks the receipts to see what kind of tips they’re generating.
I’m speaking at the Society of Grownups on how to get your money under control, thrift shop like a champion, make ugly furniture pretty, my most shameful instances of debit card declines and more. Hope to see you all there!
It is real tough to realize you live in a country where frat boys who gang rape someone have a campus hearing and a Black teenager who may have shoplifted $5 worth of stuff from a convenience store gets shot.
I’m not going to lie: hosting houseguests is a beast. Well, that’s not entirely fair, but it is a big undertaking. It’s also an incredibly kind thing to do for someone you love, and you will feel like an amazing, capable grown-up if you take just a few steps ahead of time to make it run smoothly.
Before they arrive:
• Food — any houseguest worth their salt will not expect you to provide them with meals morning, noon and night, but it is a really sweet thing to ask ahead o
I wish there was a game show called the Ex Files where you could square off against whoever broke your heart, and then if you could prove that your life is better than theirs, they’d have to sincerely apologize for dumping you and agree to never date anyone more attractive or funny than you are.
This is from Ina Garten, whom I think we can all agree is the best. If you’re having people over for dinner, figure out what time you want to serve dinner, then count backward from there, taking into account how long each component will take.
Then, type it out into a schedule, and voila! No more wondering when you should put the potatoes in. It’s on the ding-dang schedule!
For the record, I’m typing this WHILE watching 30 Rock.
How conversations should go:
Person 1: Can I get you a drink? Person 2: Sure! Ginger ale would be great. Person 1: [goes and gets a ginger ale]
Here are some things Person 1 should not say: “You want some whiskey in that?” “Are you pregnant?” “Why aren’t you drinking?”, etc.
Generally, what other people are putting (or not) in their bodies isn’t super great to delve into. There could be allergies, or an illness, or pregnancy, or sobriety, or
Is your friend …
• Unemployed and searching for a job? • Wanting to find the right someone but hasn’t? • Trying to get pregnant and having a hard time with it? • Waiting to hear back from that dream grad school program?
When the thing they have desperately been waiting for happens, they will tell you. Peppering them with questions and/or unsolicited advice on how they can better achieve this life goal is probably not what they’re looking for.
This is a thoughtful thing to do for people who might be expecting bad or serious news. My family got in the habit when Grannybarb was really sick, and every time my phone rang I was terrified that it was a Serious Call.
So when we just wanted to chat, my mom and sisters and would text the other person ahead of time, so we knew that it wasn’t serious and we didn’t have to drop everything to take it/steel ourselves emotionally/get to a place where we could flip out if need be.