Customer Reviews

Keys to the Kingdom

5 star:		(34)
4 star:		(14)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

The fictional storyline was only moderately interesting, but it served very well to demonstrate the wisdom of the book. Telling stories is an age-old way of teaching, and it happens twice with this book: Once for the character Karen Trevini who learns through the stories and lessons from the lovable "grandmother figure" Claudia Lambert, and once again for the reader by simply reading this book.

Written entirely from a woman's perspective, this book uses a model describing the phases that every man naturally goes through in his life, and also describes the motivation for these phases. By "not" taking a perfectly good Prince and turning him into a Frog, it helps women to understand men better, as the perhaps strange but ultimately loving creatures they are based on each life phase a man must pass through. It also gives the male reader a way to understand more about himself and the phase of life he is currently in.

But it does not stop there. It also explains by example of the storyline how men tend to think differently than women about things. For women, it is invaluable to know as a tool to understanding relations with men, and for men it is a positive affirmation for the tendencies that come so naturally.

Let me tell you about my favorite example in the book. To me as a man, it was perfectly clear and obvious. It made me wonder why anyone would need to learn it, until I realized some basic differences between men and women. For example, when you ask a man a question, there may be pauses and silences before the true answer comes out. This is only because he is not finished processing the answer to completion. From several books I've read, women's brains are "generally" more efficient in emotional and linguistic processing than men's brains are. It actually takes longer for a man to process such things. So rather than interrupting and changing his course of thought because you want the answers "now, now, now" (which incidentally could make a man think you aren't really interested in his answer), simply remain silent for a while and listen to all he has to say. Your patience -- and silence -- is usually well rewarded with a complete answer that for once, tells you what a man could be thinking. He only needed the time to figure it out for himself.

I do indeed recommend this book. As a man, I have been able to correlate the concepts presented in the book with actual areas of my life's progress. The author Alison A. Armstrong is clearly knowledgeable and wonderfully talented; and for once, a book has been written for both men and women alike, such that no one is offended and everyone learns something valuable.

Often, when a movement develops and takes hold in a society--to correct a social malady-that movement has a tendency to swing too far in the other direction. In my opinion, such is the case with feminism. Developed to prioritize the unmet needs of women at large, its principles and its programs served to meet those needs. This was (and is) a praiseworthy goal. However, something happened on the way to that goal: the needs of men at large often went unheeded or even denigrated. Just as in the case of the opposite, both parties were unsatisfied.

Alison Armstrong's "Keys to the Kingdom" is part of a new movement: a laudable attempt to swing the pendulum back the other way, toward a happy middle ground.

How does the twenty-first century American woman live in peace with her husband? By accepting three things that many of our foremothers realized almost instinctively: 1) men and women develop in ways that are fundamentally different from each other, 2) stemming from those differences, men and women have different expectations from each other, and 3) neither is happy living life with each other unless those expectations are met to a reasonable degree.

In her novel, Armstrong ably demonstrates these facts of life. Her protagonist, Karen, has been married to Mike for several years but is becoming distressed by the lack of ability to communicate between the two. An older woman, Claudia, comes into her life and helps her to understand the "secrets" about men; those that have been handed down matrilineally in Claudia's family. Claudia teaches Karen that her husband's needs are just as important as her own, that they change as a man ages.

The most enlightening part of the novel (for me) had Claudia explaining to Karen of the stages of develop for men. After reading these parts, I began to apply the characteristics of the stages to the men in my own life and found that they fit nearly to a tee. Behavior that I had previously found inexplicably--viewed through my female sensibilities--began to make sense.

Armstrong is to be commended. She has done a great service for both men and women: increased their chances of being happy.

A few weeks ago, my wife told me that she thought I was "thoughtless." I was really surprised at that statement as I feel I go out of my way to try and make her happy and to make her life easier. I found this book and could not believe how accurate it was about how men think. And while there were times during the reading that i was thinking that it feels like it was all about "men," in fact, the suggestions will greatly help women.

I fully recommend this book to anybody tring to understand how most men think.

Maybe I'm just different than most women, but I found the pseudo-"novel" format Armstrong used to be annoying. There's good information in here, to be sure, but in order to extract that good information, I had to read through way too much sentimental fluff. What's more, the fictional part of the novel simply isn't very well-written. The prose is syrupy and predictable, and at times literally had me wincing.

I would have much preferred that she simply present the information she's compiled in a straightforward, non-fiction format. As it is, if I'm going to really make use of the message she's trying to convey, I'll need to go back through the book and create my own outline, or highlight the actual "meat" of the text.

My other problem with the book is that because her viewpoint is purely secular, she neglects the spiritual aspect of men's life stages. It seems to me that it would have been possible to address this without having to go into sectarian particulars. By not addressing it at all, she's left a large hole in the work.

You do have to work for it, but there's good content in here that certainly fits what I've observed about men I know. If women are open-minded enough to hear Armstrong's message, I think it can help us relate better to the men in our lives.

This book is for those women who wish to have great relationships with their sons, brothers, fathers, boyfriends, spouses, friends, and coworkers. This book opened my eyes to understanding what we can do to save our marriages. I truly believe if all women applied the advice in this book to their relationships with men we would see a tremendous decrease in unhappy marriages.I read this book in 2 days and shared some of the highlights with my boyfriend, who isn't much into reading books. To my surprise, he said he wants to read it now. I've already had a coworker pay me to order him a book and I ordered 2 extra copies because I want to pass this on to anyone I can convince to read it.

I was fortunate enough to hear just a snippet of a radio interview with the author and it prompted me to find out more about Alison Armstrong. I found "Keys to the Kingdom" and I was delighted by it. It's a fast, easy, and enjoyable read, but more importantly it clarified some of the most important and engaging differences between men and women. I couldn't believe she wasn't talking specifically about ME and MY journey through manhood. It made me realize how my "natural" tendencies could easily drive my wife crazy and result in her natural response that would, in turn, drive ME crazy. It's not about faults or failures, it's about acceptance, understanding, and reaching a level of compatibility that all relationships seek. I have two married children and one who has been "frog-farming" all her life. I won't wait for a special gift occasion, all three are getting their own copy of "Keys to the Kingdom!"

The "Keys to the Kingdom" is an easy read, yet thought-provoking. The book is based on Armstrong's work over the last few decades. She has explored the world of men -- what makes them different and how to improve our lives with them. She builds a case for understanding and respecting men just as they are and how they change over the course of their lives. And it many cases it makes sense. There has been too much "men-bashing" over the past decades.

The most profound piece is that of listening. I think it can be applied to every human being, not just men. The greatest gift you can give to someone is to truly listen to them and to wait until their answers are complete before jumping in with your own thoughts and opinions. It's not something that we can do all the time, but it's something we can do more often.

And yet I do have an issue with this book -- more of a troubling feeling. Feminism came about for a reason. I'm not the only woman who was giving to a man, starting with my father, for whom living the female life came with too high a price. There appeared to be an underlying message in this book that creating a warm home for a man was a higher priority than that of building a career. The emphasis on women feeling "important" vs. feeling "priceless" harked back to castles and lack of choices. It makes me nervous.

There is wisdom in this book, and I encourage the read. Men are wonderful creatures and need a lot more respect and loving than we, as women tend to give them. This book provides a way to look at men differently and allows us to accept them, as who they are, more readily.

I enjoyed reading this book very much. What I enjoyed most was knowing that this information is going out to 1,000s of women and is going to have a great and very positive impact on how women relate to men. Life just got a little easier. So much of what Alison writes about men is right on. I am 38 years old, so I also got a glimpse of what is on the horizon for me as a man going through his own development. Having this book read by women will make it easier for us men to love, appreciate and be heros to women. As a man, it taught me what women are going through as they 'try' to relate to us (men) and what is their current thought process that prevents it from happening effortlessly. This book gave me an insight into how I can now relate to women that will make things easier for me.

This book will stay in my collection of books forever and I will read it again and again. I have taken the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop and will take the graduate courses shortly. I am one of the women who "woke up in a different world" after participating in the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop. While reading Keys to the Kingdom, I laughed and cried and felt so connected to the characters. I cannot put into words (as I'm limited to the amount of words I can use here) what the information that I have received from reading this book and hearing the information from Alison has done for me and the relationships with the important men in my life. It has also transformed how I see myself and given me even more (and I already had a lot) self confidence.

A must read for all women who want to transform their relationships with the men in their lives and transform their relationship with themselves.

First, I am a man and this book touched me very deeply. I cried and cried tears of joy as I read the book. It is one of the wisest books I have ever read.