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Kick the Balls: A Bruising Season in the Life of a Suburban Soccer Coach [Bargain Price] [Paperback]

Alan Black
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)


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Book Description

May 26, 2009
A "hilarious and utterly irreverent tale" (Irvine Welsh) of a year in the life of an abrasive pee-wee soccer coach

Growing up in Scotland, Alan Black learned that soccer was no mere game; it was a matter of life or death. In this harshly hilarious tale, Black, a Glasglow transplant living in suburban California, coaches the Dragons, a peewee team that proves an embarrassment to his beloved sport. They're pampered. They're soft. They've been told by their overprotective parents that (gasp!) "winning isn't everything." Using drills and bombast, Black attempts to whip the team into shape.

Kick the Balls is a sidesplitting memoir of grass stains and free kicks, a no-holds-barred account of one man's bafflement by an alien culture, and a stinging satire of American parenthood. Alan Black's voice-howling from the sidelines-is that rare thing: a fresh, original, winning comic talent.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Black's sardonic view of suburban America and his propensity for saying the wrong thing to the wrong people may remind some of a Scottish Larry David, but this San Francisco writer and pub manager possesses a distinct voice and an aggressive passion for soccer: "Earth wasn't pigskin shaped, all the skeptics had to do was look at the heavens and see what God's game was... the perfect immaculate conception of our fertile earth was the soccer ball, soft and hard at the same time, delightfully floated, spinning with atmosphere and promise." Black ties in memories of childhood fandom in Glasgow with tales of coaching the eight-year-old Dragons, his son among them, managing bar and watching late night TV with his ice cream, Ben and Jerry ("I grabbed Ben and Jerry and marched them to the sofa"). Merrily skewering every target in sight (especially soccer moms: "The field was a big womb and their babies were in there kicking"), Black includes lots of fantasy, funny nicknames and fake articles from an imaginary newsletter, "The Sporting Green." Any suburbanite with kids in organized sports will find Black a riot, provided they aren't easily offended; readers may actually learn some new swear words.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Savagely hilarious."
-Po Bronson, author of What Should I Do with My Life?

"Any suburbanite with kids in organized sports will find Black a riot."
-Publishers Weekly

Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Plume; Reprint edition (May 26, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0452295394
  • ASIN: B0046HALP2
  • Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 4.7 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,286,840 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Alan Black's is the author of Kick the Balls (Plume/Penguin) and The Glorious World Cup (with David Henry Sterry - NAL/Penguin). He grew up in Glasgow, Scotland, and now lives in California. Check out his website at www.alanblack.info and thegloriousworldcup.com for his latest title.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Sounds of the Suburbs June 28, 2008
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
When I was a kid in the 1970s, they said in the future soccer would become massively popular in America and we would all use the metric system. Didn't happen. The metric system is pretty much only used to refer to illicit drugs, but almost every American kid in the suburbs plays in a soccer league at least once.

Alan Black's "Kick The Balls" is about his adventures coaching a kids' soccer league, yes. But it is much more. It's about Alan trying to assimilate into the American suburbs. And this is the super funny stuff. No one is safe from Black's barbs: TV preachers, kids, Dockers pants, parents, multiculturalism, the cult of the suburban lawn. Oh and it's not just a snarky hit piece on the easy target of suburban life, Black reserves his sharpest wit to mock himself: a cynical, uncomfortable, Scottish transplant to California. Recommended to anyone in need of a hearty jaundiced laugh at the world and themselves. Extra bonus funny (and insightful) if you are in the position of trying to cope with maintaining your identity and making new friends in a suburban, middle class, vanilla wasteland (i.e., if you're like this reviewer).
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic June 18, 2008
Format:Hardcover
I saw this book at my local bookstore earlier today, and read the dustjacket description. I was delighted to see one of Bill Shankly's famous quotes, and started flipping through it. I read the first three chapters standing in the sports aisle, then bought it, took it home, and read it straight through. I enjoyed it immensely; the author's misanthropic tale of youth soccer is as hilarious (and, as the cover states, offensive) as it is heartwarming, as he tries to bring some level of discipline and success to a motley group of youngsters. As a huge fan of the game, it was very interesting to see an outsider's perspective on the little league culture in the United States, and a little bit validating to see the level of ridiculousness of it all exposed.

I highly recommend this book to fans of the beautiful game, as well as fans of a good laugh at the author's (and America's) expense.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Drool all over self humor September 3, 2008
Format:Hardcover
and a takedown of all that is suburban flatlining. Late night laughs that kept my girl up and she ended up protesting everytime I picked it up.
I passed a copy off to a Scottish bartender, here in LA, so that she would be able to use the comeback to, "Glasgow" "oh.what part of England is that..." "the scottish part"
Great job Senor Black...E.E.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Decent Book....
It's a quick read for sure. It wasn't particularly compelling but some parts were pretty funny. The funny parts are more of a smile and chuckle than a roll on the floor laughing... Read more
Published on May 23, 2010 by Chuck H.
2.0 out of 5 stars Almost a complete waste of time and money
You'll note many positive customer reviews here are from San Francisco (the author's adopted hometown), and I can't help but feel they're from Alan's buddies trying to help him... Read more
Published on February 1, 2010 by T. Motley
2.0 out of 5 stars Just not very funny
My kids play competitive (club)soccer and I've been heavily involved with the sport as a coach and a referee. I was really looking forward to reading the book. Read more
Published on May 20, 2009 by CAPoiDog
3.0 out of 5 stars Pleasant but at times "offensive" indeed
Scottish-born (but now US naturalized citizen) author Alan Black grew up on soccer in his early life before moving to the US (pretty much similar as myself), and decided to take up... Read more
Published on October 14, 2008 by Paul Allaer
3.0 out of 5 stars A one note tune
This book starts out with great promise. There are points in it that literally had me laugh out loud. There are great annecdotes from Mr. Black's life growing up in Scotland. Read more
Published on October 14, 2008 by Todd Serpico
4.0 out of 5 stars Bleeding Brilliant
An hilarious look at the hard-boiled world of Scottish youth football of twenty+ years ago, contrasted with today's enabled and pampered state of American youth soccer.
Published on September 15, 2008 by Balz Wit
5.0 out of 5 stars great memoir
Alan Black is a force of nature. A Scottish force of nature to be exact. This is a hysterical, thought-provoking, funny, tragic memoir about the world's biggest and most popular... Read more
Published on August 21, 2008 by David Henry Sterry
5.0 out of 5 stars Ridiculously funny
I don't watch soccer. I don't care about soccer. But this book made me laugh so hard I got eyeballed on the bus as perhaps a bit 'special'. Read more
Published on July 30, 2008 by J. Sey
5.0 out of 5 stars What happened to my review??? Sounds of the Suburbs
I wrote a review for this book on June 28 and now it's gone. In fact, there were a few reviews up here. Read more
Published on July 22, 2008 by Kurt Biddle
5.0 out of 5 stars The Funniest Book Ever Written
The view from Alan Black's head, as he surveys Northern California suburbia, is scary the way riding a Hunter S Thompson novel is scary and philosophical in the Vonnegut Breakfast... Read more
Published on July 10, 2008 by Ransom Stephens
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