The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant [Hardcover]

Dan Savage (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 1999

Dan Savage--America's most irreverent, taboo-busting, flat-out funny sex-advice columnist--shares his revelatory misadventures in adopting a baby

Welcome to Dan Savage's world: He's gay, dispenses sex advice to "breeders"(straight people), and at age thirty-two, finds himself in a long-term relationship. He decides he wants a baby in the house, his boyfriend agrees, and so they set out to make a family. Unfortunately, this also makes him a target of oppressive rhetoric among certain conservative groups, and a sellout to his gay friends. But all he can think about are the joys of parenthood--if only the birth mother weren't homeless and admitting to drinking and drugging during the pregnancy; if only people would stop asking "Why do you want a kid?"; and if only Dan could stop offending all the infertile straight couples at the adoption agency. The Kid is a no-holds-barred attack on conservative "values," and also a celebration of family and the lengths some people--gay and straight--will go to in order to create one of their own.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Best known for his syndicated sexual advice column, "Savage Love," Dan Savage shares his own story in The Kid, a hilarious account of his efforts--along with his partner--to adopt a child. (Whoops, make that his boyfriend; Savage can't stand the "genderless" P-word: "Straight people and press organs that want to acknowledge gay relationships while at the same time pushing the two-penises stuff as far out of their minds as possible love 'partner.' I hated it.") Savage doesn't give an inch on the sexuality issue; it's hard to imagine that a homophobic reader would even pick up The Kid, but if it happened, Savage's unapologetic presentation of his life would quickly scare that reader off. Which isn't to say that he paints a rosy picture of homosexual cohabitation: the very first scene finds Dan's boyfriend, Terry, locking himself in the bathroom after a fight over the music on the car stereo. The misadventures continue through each step of the open-adoption process, in which Dan and Terry get to know their baby's birth mother, and the first few weeks of parenthood. The Kid is a wonderful, charming account of real "family values" that proves love knows no limits.

From Publishers Weekly

Known for his nationally syndicated sex advice columns (collected in Savage Love) and as a regular contributor to NPR's This American Life, Savage recounts what he and his boyfriend of two years went through to adopt a child. After investigating the possibility of becoming biological parents with lesbian friends, Savage and his partner, Terry, pursued an open adoption through an agency. They met Melissa, a homeless "gutter punk," whom they liked, although they worried that she drank and took drugs recreationally at the beginning of her pregnancy. In the end, though, everything worked out for everyone involved. Savage is best when detailing the emotional ups and downs that came with revealing that he was even considering gay parenting, including his anxiety about the possible disapproval of both gay and straight friends, about the ways his sex life would change and about buying the right "baby things." Employing the blunt tone of his columns, Savage humorously and honestly discusses his sexual practices (including bondage and fantasies involving actor Matt Damon), his ambivalence about being a parent and his rage at his homophobic grandmother. His forthrightness is brave and daring in the face of social opposition to gay parenting. However, though Savage's chatty, mercilessly satiric style is effective in his columns and may be intended here to balance the optimistic underpinnings of his journey into parenthood, in this sustained narrative it wears a bit thin. (Sept.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 246 pages
• Publisher: Dutton Adult (September 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0525945253
• ISBN-13: 978-0525945253
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (136 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #857,045 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

81 of 82 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Defense of the Book, November 15, 2005

By 

downwithjoy (Australia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant (Paperback)

I felt I had to respond after one person failed miserably in reading comprehension. First, in the beginning of the book Savage made the point and he and Terry had discussed infidelity and were committed enough to their relationship that that would not be enough to break them up. As to the claims about the birthmother being mentally ill, they took care to show that she wasn't. She was able to care for herself, make logical decisions and was sane enough to know that her chosen lifestyle made it impossible to be a good mother to her son, hence choosing adoption. And they didn't relocate to get away from her. They lived in Seattle and used an agency there. She was currently living in Portland, but since she regularly moved from city to city, it wasn't an issue. In fact, those who bother to read the whole thing will discover a chapter in which they flew to L.A. to meet with her after the birth and to allow the birthfather to see the baby. (And according to the legal agreement they signed, they can't keep her from seeing the kid a certain number of times a year, and Savage himself deplored the fact that some adoptive parents don't follow the signed agreements.) A lot of the other complaints seem based on the fact that the reviewer could not tell sarcastic humor from genuine sentiment. Savage is not a hearts&roses style writer. He's a hardcore cynic and likes making shocking jokes, like his fake birthmother letter in which he jests about having drug addicted friends babysit. For every time he made a joke about a baby as an expensive hobby, he also mentioned looking forward to being able to teach him to walk and talk and later watching his Little League games. Plenty of other writers have made similar jokes about their children - Erma Bombeck said she wanted to trade hers in for dogs, Bill Cosby has written about wanting to send his to jail for being annoying. It has nothing to do with how they actually parent - they're just trying for a laugh. Plus, if he really thought it was just a lark, would he and his boyfriend have gone through so much to adopt?

This book has left me much more optomistic about gay adoption, but pessimistic as to the literacy of people on the internet.

42 of 44 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Mr Savage, an excellent job af sharing., November 19, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant (Hardcover)

I bought this book with some trepidation, but that is why I wanted the book. I wanted to know what it was like to fight for a child against the odds and especially, why a pair of queer men would want to raise a child- and you have shared that with me. Thank you. As a married 24 year old mom I take for granted the privilege of fertility. The emotions invoked in me were rather unexpected, as most parenting/adoption books use extreme sappiness and sentimentality. Instead of making me cry and think, they make me puke and zone out. (How many "This is what God wanted"'s can YOU endure...) but your straightfoward and damn honest writing captivated me, and I cried several times. Especially the wonderful explanation of the choices forced upon infertile couples as opposed to the fertile couples. I sincerly hope you write a followup novel. I think we are all hoping you will, to get a glimpse of living as a queer parent, not to mention the complexity of an open adoption. Kudos to you and Terry. Make sure that in preschool, the teacher has him plant two bean seeds in that little styrofoam cup for Father's day.

27 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars As Heartfelt and As Funny as It Gets....., July 31, 2000

By 

Greg (New York City) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant (Paperback)

Having heard Dan Savage's reading on NPR on how having a kid enables him now to be able to cruise straight men, I was at first irked at Savage for using a baby as a writing prop. Or, maybe I was just irked because I didn't do it first. Anyway, amidst shopping in Provincetown for baby clothes for my partner's and my own impending adoption, I picked up this book, however begrudgingly. Dan, all is forgiven. "THE KID" is so laugh-out-loud funny, poignant and heartfelt that my only regret is that I didn't read it sooner. If you're gay or straight and even considering adopting, this book should be required reading as Savage bravely sets up to the plate with extreme candor about all of the things over which adopting parents fret endlessly. Not to mention all of the things that fastlane big city boys and circuit queens fret (or should be fretting) over endlessly -- aging, one's purpose in the universe, and what the heck do we do now with our lives other than stand around listening to trance music. My boyfriend thought I was insane while reading the book, one minute laughing hysterically and the next minute weeping uncontrollably. Now that he's reading it, he's doing the same. Even if you're not adopting, buy this book as Savage is the new homo heir to Shirley Jackson's wonderfully funny "Life Among the Savages". Highest recommendation.