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Kids Say The Cutest Things When They're Drunk [Kindle Edition]

Dan McQuinn
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $12.95
Kindle Price: $3.99
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  • Length: 220 pages
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Book Description

Kids Say the Cutest Things When They're Drunk, the first book from humor writer, Dan McQuinn, is a sharply written collection of comic letters, monologues and playlets that provides sure-fire laughs drunk or sober. The 50+ comic essays draw their humor from every phase of life as imagined by McQuinn from the moment his parents meet for the first time to his bizarre final wishes.

Product Details

  • File Size: 860 KB
  • Print Length: 220 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Fauldhoue Publishing (November 24, 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0059W2GOC
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #974,182 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

3.9 out of 5 stars
3.9 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Ridiculous Title, Hilarious Stories May 16, 2012
By Peggy A
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I almost passed this one up because of the unfortunate choice for the title. But the subtitle and description said it was a satire, and satires are usually a lot of fun, so I thought I'd give it a chance.

The essays were fantastic, and they didn't have anything to do with drunken children. You'll have to read the story to understand the reference; I'm not going to give it away! ;) This is warped humor with adult themes. If it were a movie, it would be rated "R."

There are several categories listed in the contents: Family, Education, Biology, Christmas, Enterprise, Order, Celebrity, God, and Death. Each essay is listed in the table of contents, and the author's approach to each subject is unique. They are hyperlinked to the text, which is very convenient. And be sure to read the preface, footnotes, etc., which are also hyper-linked. They are funny, too.

Highly recommended.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It's like having your own stand-up comedian! July 2, 2011
By Illyria
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
From the very first page, Dan McQuinn is funny - not funny-for-a-regular-guy funny, but really and truly FUNNY - and this collection of short pieces showcases his talents admirably. McQuinn writes well, which may be an odd thing to say about a humor book, but is actually one of the reasons it's so hilarious. Another reason, and what really makes the book stand out, is what in a stand-up comedian would be his timing: McQuinn knows just how long to milk a gag to take it from a chuckle to a belly laugh, then gets out before he belabors the joke. From imagined conversations (like the one between his auto mechanic and his son's orthodontist) to what people wrote in Jesus' yearbook, from crib notes for first dates to obituaries written as if they were personal ads, McQuinn is a truly original humorist. My favorite piece is "From the Notebook of Matt Damon," but there's not a thing in this book that won't make you laugh. Even the preface and the epilogue are funny, and when was the last time you said THAT about a book? Here's hoping for many more from Mr. McQuinn!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Clever Funny - A Sort of Throwback to Droll Humor January 19, 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book reminded me a lot of "My Brother Was an Only Child", which was written by Jack Douglas in 1959. Douglas was the head writer for Jack Paar, (predecessor of Johnny Carson). Douglas specialized in dry, deadpan essays about women, drinking, Hollywood, and middle age. It was very anti-authority and pretty groundbreaking for the 1950's.

Well, McQuinn's book isn't groundbreaking in any pushing-the-envelope sense, but it is informed by the same dry, sly, deadpan sensibility. (Example: There is a transcript of a conversation between a mom and dad and their son, where the parents explain that they are getting a divorce, and they are getting a divorce because of what a disappointment the son is. If you like that skewed take on society, then you'll like this book.)

The other thing is that this is not self-deprecating humor, where all the laughs are based on what a lame, sappy, spineless, fumbler the author is. I don't get those at all, but there are a bunch of them out there. This isn't one of them.

So, while not the most hilarious thing ever written, this book has a nice vibe, some sly lines, a few honest chuckles, and an overall engaging appeal. Worth a try, or at least a look.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Laughed So Hard! October 16, 2012
By PMSteve
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This is a collection of humorous stories and essays... well to say they're humorous is to say the Titanic was a row boat.

The author has a twisted mind and has a great way of putting the reader front-row-center with a wonderful view of how it works.

Read this book! You won't be sorry. If you're easily offended by satirical social commentary, read it anyway! You'll love it!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Laugh Out Loud June 21, 2012
By Jen12
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I downloaded it mostly because it was free, so I was not expecting it to be as funny as it was. It takes alot to make me laugh out loud when I read something funny, but I was chuckling a few times. The writing was so very creative. One of my favorites was Instructions For Voting, brought great humor on our voting process, expecially when he mentions why we still use paper to vote in the 21st century.

Looking forward on hearing more from Dan McQuinn. I would even pay for his next book!
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2.0 out of 5 stars Humor that doesn't quite make the grade... July 16, 2012
The title to this book may be an immediate turn-off for some readers. I thought it not possible for someone to go so far as to actually write about such an outrageous topic. Thankfully, the title is not indicative of the books contents, at least not to that extent. As the cover indicates, it is "a book of pointless satire and vulgar humor." This is McQuinn's first published work, and he does indeed hit that mark with perfect accuracy.
McQuinn covers a myriad of topics in a variety of ways. Subjects such as Christmas, parenting, and celebrities, are touched upon through letters, conversations, daily schedules and short paragraphs among others. The consistent item throughout is, of course, the low-brow, sophomoric humor.
With that, I suppose those who enjoy this type of thing may find it amusing.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Rapid fire funny January 7, 2014
Dan McQuinn's "Kids Say the Cutuest Things When They're Drunk" is a relentless, delightful exercise in funny. He creatively develops his biting wit and commentary through a fun, unpredictable structure that makes the book feel like a wild ride through a sketch comedy theme park. The humor is the main attraction - rapid fire in a "30 Rock" sense. A prude may consider it crude, but "Kids" is honest comedy at its best for the rest of us. Buy it and enjoy the ride.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars GOOD
Published 6 months ago by alex
5.0 out of 5 stars good book to read
This is a good book for fantasy readers. It kept me interested and I will search out books by this author. Definitely worth the price
Published 20 months ago by Amazon Customer
1.0 out of 5 stars No, no they don't
You can skip this one. It's not funny, not insightful, not interesting, no redeeming value of any kind. Don't waste your money.
Published on February 24, 2013 by rabidreader
4.0 out of 5 stars Sardonically funny
If you're grumpy with life (temporarily), this quick read will pull you right out of it. It will make you laugh at things a happy person would scoff at. Awesome little read.
Published on January 30, 2013 by B. Daniel
2.0 out of 5 stars Started out funny
Went down hill fast. Glad it was free or I would be upset. I now know why it was free
Published on December 27, 2012 by Amazon Customer
1.0 out of 5 stars Not my sense of humor
I should have looked closer or read a sample. This is def not my kind of humor. I feel bad giving it a poor rating since i do hold myself responsible for downloading it.
Published on November 14, 2012 by 5blueeyed*w*mama
1.0 out of 5 stars Boring, boring, boring
In my opinion, this was so boring that I couldn't get past a couple of pages. I was hoping to find a good comedy book to read, but this wasn't it. Read more
Published on August 1, 2012 by Gipper
5.0 out of 5 stars funniest book ever!!
this is the funniest book i'v ever seen! im so glad to have found this book! this book is wonderful! every time i read it i laugh.
Published on July 13, 2012 by peggieyhomas
3.0 out of 5 stars Not bad
Some bits are laugh-out-loud funny but too many are trying way too hard. Overall fairly enjoyable and definitely better than I could do!
Published on July 9, 2012 by Paintmagnet
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More About the Author

An alumnus of Second City's writing program, Dan has contributed to the writing of several comic plays and many unfinished crossword puzzles. Dan lives in the western suburbs of Chicago with his trophy wife, two children and a dog that barks at drywall.


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