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Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime Paperback – February 20, 2001
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-- Stella Chess, M.D., professor of child psychiatry, New York University Medical School, author of Goodness of Fit
"Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has written another excellent book for parents, this one about the seemingly inevitable power struggles between parents and their children. She provides wise, practical, and clear suggestions on how to avoid these conflicts and manage them better, chiefly by understanding the emotions that are fueling them. If only we all had this book a generation ago!" -- William B. Carey, M.D., director of behavioral pediatrics, The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, author of Understandng Your Child's Temperament --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Top Customer Reviews
I first reviewed this book nine years ago. I said at the time that I was addicted to parenting books. After this book, my addiction ended. I think it was because I felt like I had the tools I needed. I haven't read a parenting book in years.
So my son is a teenager now. He's not an adult, so I can't really say that I'm done raising him--who knows what the next few years might bring? But as I look around me at the other teenagers we know and at their relationships with their parents and their behaviors, and then look at my son, I am beyond grateful for Ms. Kurcinka and what she taught me about being a parent.
My teenager is--a teenager. He has his moments when the hormones take control and he's rude or hostile. But then he apologizes.Read more ›
My favorite sections are the tips about temperaments (especially teaching children and parents how to say or do things differently to avoid upsetting others) and helping children change their "bulldozing statements" (often button-pushing ones for parents, such as "You're not my boss!" or "Shut up!") into statements that persuade others to listen ("I'd like a choice" or "I didn't like what you said").
Have you read a lot of books and wonder if you'll really learn something new in this one? Absolutely. With two spirited children of my own, I've enjoyed the following (plus many others), but now recommend "Kids, Parents, & Power Struggles" instead: Parenting with Love & Logic; Raising your Spirited Child (an excellent supplement); How to Behave so Your Children Will Too; Magic 1-2-3; Setting Limits; How to talk so kids will listen... (and others in their series- great supplements, though); Children are from Heaven; Children the Challenge; plus others from Dr. Sears, Leach, & Brazelton.
Carefully, patiently, she leads us through the basics: empathy, self calming, recongnizing feelings, listening, recognizing different temperaments and personality styles. Then she gives us the tools for coaching our children to become more effective in handling their feelings: to recognize them, name them, express them and seek a satisfactory resolution without being destructive to others.
Nothing here is so revolutionary, but the approach of thinking about your child's difficult behavior as a cry for help in dealing with underlying emotions is incredibly helpful. Once you have tuned into this idea, it short-circuits your tendency to react to such behavior with knee-jerk, authoritarian stuff you are reading these books to avoid. You end up working with your child, not against him, and isn't that the point?
Different parenting books work for different people. This might be the one for you. One caveat: the paper on this not inexpensive hardcover edition is cheap, cheap, and the type small and gray. You'd expect more from HarperCollins.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
About half way through the book. Recommended by my psychologist. I wish I had all this knowledge about 8 years ago. Eye-opening information.Published 8 months ago by Tamara Koczara
Great book! Recommended to me by a preschool teacher. I bought one for myself and one for my grandson's parents.Published 9 months ago by Doris Fulton
great great book. really helped my wife and I understand our 15 month old better. Also well written and included scenario and personal examples for context. Read morePublished 10 months ago by fuzzbuster
Parents need to keep their authority over their kids instead of being just like another friend. Everything is not always good when parenting.Published 15 months ago by Johhny
An excellent resource for any family. The tips are clear and adaptable to any situation. Using the ideas in this book has certainly helped our family connect and has helped our kid... Read morePublished 18 months ago by Jennifer Cornish