Customer Reviews

Kill Cruise

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Jurgen Prochnow, best known for playing the captain of a German submarine in the classic DAS BOAT, once more demonstrates his prowess in fulfilling the role of a sailor. This time, however, he portrays a washed-up sailor, and the dangers that lurk are far more insidious than the depth charges hurled at him in DAS BOAT.

This time around, he is an average-Joe who is hired by two gorgeous women to give them a ride on his schooner. It's quite a long ride - about a month or more. The 2 women are played by Elizabeth Hurley & Patsy Kensit.

So, you say, sounds like every man's fantasy, right? To be out to sea with two lovely women all to himself - seems like a pretty good deal. Only one catch: both of them turn out to be borderline crazy.

Ultimately, there is but one reason to see this movie, and that's to see Kensit & Hurley sport an assortment of bikinis, halter tops, evening gowns & other sexy summmer clothes. If you're disinterested in these things, you'll likely be disinterested in watching this film. [The storyline isn't very good, nor is it particularly intriguing]

The film would have been better had it been saturated with nudity, but sadly it's not. It appeared a few times that it was going in that direction, but the movie always seemed to pull back from the threshold at the last moment.

Hence, if the fantasy of 2 women on a boat without land in sight is enough to keep your attention for a few hours, this one might be worth a look. If not, you're better of staying on shore.

Wanna make a low-budget movie and make a decent gross for your efforts? If you are not Roman Polanski and you cannot top Knife in the Water for its psychological dynamics and "who gets the girl" tension of two men on a boat with only one woman, then the best strategy is to resort to two women and one man. The dynamics can be just as interesting, if you have an implicit lesbian relationship and one of the gals strays to bunk down the guy. Jealousy rears its bitchy little head for the odd-girl out and this leads to all sorts of plot possibilities as well as an unexpected denoument.<>
What makes the ending of Kill Cruise really unexpected is that the film has had all the interesting sex scenes cut ouf of it so that the homicidal finale comes as a totally unbelievable surprise. If anyone will release the uncut version, complete with a lesbian sex scene between Hurley and Kensit, then the ending will make a lot more sense. Fat chance. The biggest unwritten rule in Hollywood is that once some actress makes it big, anything that she did early in her career that involves nudity and sex, much less Sapphic sex, is supressed for release whenever possible. What you have left, then, with Kill Cruise, is a love-hate triangle with the dynamics so implicit as to be uninterpretable and a decent acting job by Jurgen Prochnow. Don't bother; rent Knife in the Water instead.

Despite the fact that my initial interest in this DVD was the opportunity to see Patsy Kensit, I actually found Jurgen Prochnow and Elizabeth Hurley to be far more entertaining as (respectfully) the skipper of a private yacht and a passenger desperately trying to reach the Bahama's.
Although her role is pivotal to the plot, Kensit plays her part as a whiney, insecure sidekick to Hurley's. Her character really only seems to serve as a catalyst to engender a bond between Prochnow's skipper and Hurley's flamboyant passenger in addition to adding some sense of reason to a twist at the end that has me still scratching my head.
This movie was marketed as another trip into "Deep Calm" waters but in actual fact the expected confrontation that the movie seems to be inevitably steering towards never occurs, this probably greatly contributed to the lackluster performance of the movie but for me the picture took more interesting turns into examining some really warped human behavior and building distrust between the three people stuck on a small boat together for four weeks.
Prochnow plays a washed out sailor who, after a tragic event at sea, has not had the courage to leave port for months. Following an intoxicated meeting with two female entertainers (Kensit and Hurley) he subsequently finds out that he has agreed to take the two carefree women on a four week sail to the Bahama's.
What follows is a roller coaster of human emotion, suspense, sex (nudity from Hurley) and confusion. The movie however never seems to find its niche though and its twist is underwhelming and unsatisfying. So much more should have been delivered, especially with such an attractive cast, but the screen time and talent seems wasted.
Perhaps this is the reason this movie has been marketed under so many titles. Its original German title was `Der Skipper', but its also been named `The Storm.'

This one doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's still somewhat fun. Hurley and Kensit, on a larth, go off on a boat with drunken sailor Prochnow. Prochnow has a sort of shady past so there is a little bit of tension as sexual tension begins to develop between he and Hurley. Kensit seems jealous, although whether it's for Prochnow or Hurley we're never really sure.

I don't mind not knowing what's going on, but I wish the filmmakers did. Twists seem to come out of nowhere with no rhyme or reason. At first, both women seem to view the skipper as a lesser being, a plaything for their amusement. Then Kensit acts like a spoiled brat for no adequately explained reason. The final twist comes out of left field. Sure, I was surprised, but if a big squid would have popped up in the last scene and ate the ship I would be surprised too. It doesn't mean it's a good ending. The mysterious coda is the only reason to recommend this other than T & A. Days later I found myself wondering exactly what did happen. I guess they deserve points for that.

The DVD is pretty rare and cheap (in presentation). If you like Dead Calm, but are sick of watching it, get this. You might be pleasantly surprised.

This was not a very good movie. I had to sheepishly explain to my wife why we had just wasted two hours of our valuable time. I had read some reviews that indicated that this movie was actually worth watching.

Nothing could be farther from the truth! This movie was dry and boring the entire way through. And the suprise twist? An alien encounter would have made more sense.

And the ending... If a story has to finish with a paragraph explaining or expounding the ending, then there is definitely something wrong. Unless a story is a true story or added for humor, beware of movies that end with a paragraph on the screen. It means that even the writer didn't like the screenplay.

The only redeeming factor in this movie is that you get to see Elizabeth Hurley's chest, albeit from the side only.

Anybody want to buy a slightly used copy?

Yes, I know this is a bad movie but for some reason it's got me hooked and I've watched it twice already. This may be because I'm trying to make sense of it, the plot really doesn't hang together even on long-distance inspection, but this is the closest Jurgen Prochnow has got to a boat since Das Boot and that alone gives it three stars in my book. Liz Hurley's accent wavers around from Essex girl to Sloan Ranger but she makes the most of the part, and Patsy Kensit does childish tantrums very well. It's a pity that's all she had to do because even done well they can get boring. Watching Prochnow handle the boat, and briefly Liz Hurley, is great fun but the twist at the end left me open-mouthed even the second time. I actually thought it must have been based on something that happened when the explanatory final paragraph came up, but now I'm back in the land of the sane I've got a feeling that isn't the case. Great fun though.

Jurgen Prochnow, Patsy Kensit, and Elizabeth Hurley are well-cast in this odd little movie about two good-looking bar girls looking for a way to get to the Bahamas from their current home in Gibraltar. Jurgen Prochnow is the quiet drunk who offers them a lift in his boat/yacht. At first I thought he was the luckiest guy in the world, to have two such beautiful women all to himself for a couple of weeks at sea, and in the beginning it seems to live up to its potential. Needless to say, things get worse. I liked a lot of things about this film --- like the musical number the girls perform together for the crowd at the club in Gibralter. They were HOT! Anyway, it's not a GREAT film, but I still liked it!

Okay, I won't kid you that this is a classic by any means, but it is one of a kind. Watch it only if you are a strict Liz Hurley Patsy Kensit fan, or a fan of watching otherwise good German actor Jurgen prochnow desperately trying to look convincing playing a German having fun.
Two English trollops convince sea captain Prochnow to take them on his boat to the West Indies, after a scene in a dance hall where they sing a song. It should be noted that one of the other customers in the bar bears a suspiciously striking resemblance to ex president Bill Clinton, so I guess it's that sort of bar.
Anyway, on board everyone goes stir crazy, there's twosome's, threesome's and onesome's (I assume that's what Captain prochnow is alluding to when he says that he is off to reset the sail).
There's sharks, Patsy covered in suntan oil, crossbows, needles and all sorts of intrigue, but for me the justify your existence as a filmaker scene is the lingering shot of the dog doing a big job on deck.The most painful scene is watching Jurgen pretending to be a party animal by dancing a little jig and singing "hula hoo,hula hoo".

There's a dopey surprise ending that doesn't make sense, but by then you really just want the film to end so you can rewind back to the scenes of Pats rubbing that suntan oil in.
Look, borrow this with a few mates who are into ironic viewing of dismal movies, otherwise give it a wide "berth".

The only reason why I think this "movie" continues to actually exist is the fact that the luscious & amazingly gorgeous Elizabeth Hurley does topless nudity in the film.

Other than that asset, this film is absolutely abysmal.

Atrocious acting, hackneyed script, ham fisted direction and terrible lighting.

It's not even good in a so-bad-it's-good type of way.

Avoid at all costs and just download the Elizabeth Hurley nudity off of the internet.

The thing that strikes one about this film, when you first watch it, is whom is in it. Elizibeth Hurley, and patsy Kensit, are 2 dancers in a small sea-side town. They meet a sailor (jurgen) who offers to take them away, on his sailing vessel. One odd thing is that Jurgen is a Diabetic (something which is made a large deal of later, when Patsy gets upset), and that the film is intentionally misleading. I'll not give away to much, but suffice it to say, there's a suprise ending; and the film is over all, very creepy, mostly for it's seeming realism at times. All told, not a bad flick.