Best Books of the Month Shop Costumes Learn more nav_sap_SWP_6M_fly_beacon Janet Jackson All-New Fire TV Stick with Voice Remote Grocery Introducing Handmade New Kitchen Scale from AmazonBasics Amazon Gift Card Offer redoaks redoaks redoaks  Amazon Echo Starting at $49.99 Kindle Voyage Nintendo Digital Games Shop Now Kids Halloween
Kill Me, Elmo: The Holiday Depression Fun Book and over one million other books are available for Amazon Kindle. Learn more

Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.

  • Apple
  • Android
  • Windows Phone
  • Android

To get the free app, enter your email address or mobile phone number.

Buy New
  • List Price: $11.95
  • Save: $1.25 (10%)
FREE Shipping on orders over $35.
In Stock.
Ships from and sold by Gift-wrap available.
Kill Me, Elmo has been added to your Cart
Have one to sell? Sell on Amazon
Flip to back Flip to front
Listen Playing... Paused   You're listening to a sample of the Audible audio edition.
Learn more
See all 3 images

Kill Me, Elmo Paperback – September 28, 2012

6 customer reviews

See all 2 formats and editions Hide other formats and editions
Amazon Price
New from Used from
"Please retry"
"Please retry"
$8.58 $5.11

Best Books of the Month
See the Best Books of the Month
Want to know our Editors' picks for the best books of the month? Browse Best Books of the Month, featuring our favorite new books in more than a dozen categories.
$10.70 FREE Shipping on orders over $35. In Stock. Ships from and sold by Gift-wrap available.

Frequently Bought Together

  • Kill Me, Elmo
  • +
  • Baby's First Tattoo
Total price: $20.91
Buy the selected items together

Editorial Reviews


In this book, he lights into everything that makes the holidays awful. Such as endless shopping among hordes of people who mistake Black Friday spirit for Christmas spirit. Then there are those family visits, which can require driving 15 hours or struggling through a dysfunctional airport for the following reward: " still got in a tiff with your brother over something that happened fifteen years ago, your sister is pregnant again by a new boyfriend who just hit on your wife, and Dad won't come out of the basement."

Kathryn Smith 
The Independent Mail
November 25, 2012

If you buy a new print edition of this book (or purchased one in the past), you can buy the Kindle Edition for FREE. Print edition purchase must be sold by Amazon. Learn more.

Best Books of the Month
Best Books of the Month
Want to know our Editors' picks for the best books of the month? Browse Best Books of the Month, featuring our favorite new books in more than a dozen categories.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 132 pages
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (September 28, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1479263257
  • ISBN-13: 978-1479263257
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.3 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 0.3 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #740,940 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

My first newspaper column was in the weekly "Village Voice" in the mid-80s. It was called "I believe" and each week it had ten lines that went like this: "I believe that if you really think about it, men should be the ones who ride side-saddle." "I believe that somewhere there's a place for us, but it's $3600 a month plus utilities." "I believe that if you wake up and smell the roses, you've probably been buried alive."

That got me a job as a writer for Jim Kerr, the morning dj at WPLJ-FM at the time. Eventually I ended up producing his show for a few years, while also working at different magazines as a writer and editor. I would get up a 4am, go do drive-time radio until 9, then go to a bar and have a few drinks with Jim before jumping into a cab to whatever magazine had their hooks into me at the time. Trust me, if you're not drinking at 9am, you're doing it wrong.

I created a column called "The Hot Sheet" (try and say that fast, three times in a row) that was published in three or four "downtown" magazines before it ended up in "Entertainment Weekly" in 1991. It was a list of people and events that were in the news that week, ranked from 1 to 20, with a snarky comment attached to each. I called it "kicking people while they were up." EW over-paid me for thirteen years before they showed me the door, which was fine, I had absolutely nothing new to say about Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and the Sopranos.

My wife Sue (we just celebrated our 39th anniversary by staying up past 9pm) was working on Seventh Avenue in Times Square and for some reason she wanted a place where we could get away from the city on the weekends. She bought a little farm house outside a tiny little town without a stop light in the Catskills, three hours away from the cocktail parties, the free-movie screenings, the gift-filled swag bags and expense account lunches that I was gorging on in Manhattan. What was she thinking? We had lived in Greenwich Village for twenty years. We didn't have a car, I didn't have a driver's license, we didn't have a lawn mower or a grill. It took years, but I gradually came around to her way of thinking, a story I tell in "It Takes a Village Idiot" which is a thinly fictionalized version of the real story. I, of course, am the idiot in the title.

"Baby's First Tattoo" is a spoof of those memory books they give parents so they can write down the day the baby got his first tooth, the day she said her first word. My mother had eight of them and never got past the second page on any of them. "First Tattoo" is the memory book for real children, it has places for baby's first Ritalin prescription and baby's first lawyer. I wrote most of "Baby's First Tattoo" on the back of napkins on a plane ride from Omaha to Albany after spending a long, long weekend with small, noisy, sugar-fueled nieces and nephews. Inspired isn't the right word for that, tortured is. If you think I'm kidding, those same nieces and nephews are out of college right now, none of them married, none of them have kids. Because they know what they were like.

"My First Wedding" was a spoof of a wedding planning book, a follow-up to "First Tattoo." The premise was this: everyone knows that they're probably going to get married more than once, so why not make a deal with the caterer? If he does a good job on your first wedding, you promise to use him on the next one. It was a huge bomb. We could have dropped in on Iraq and ended the war ten years ago. Apparently brides-to-be don't find wedding planning as funny as I did.

After "The Village Idiot" came out, I thought a good way to promote it would be to get a newspaper column, write about fun stuff, and at the very bottom there'd be a line that said, "Jim Mullen's new book is "It Takes a Village Idiot." I've been writing that syndicated column every week for 10 years for United Media (which merged with Universal Uclick this past June). If you run a newspaper and would like to shower me with money go to and sign up for my column. If your newspaper doesn't run my column, ask them why. Sometimes if you Google "Jim Mullen newspaper" you can find the column on line. I don't know why it's so hard to get on line, but I'm guessing it has something to do with money.

I put 43 of the columns together as a book called "Now in Paperback!" and it's companion volume with another 43 columns will come out in soon (around the first of the year, 2012) called "How to Lose Money In Your Spare Time -- At Home!" Don't ask me why, I like the exclamation points at this point in my life. I also have two novels in the works, one of which should come out in 2013.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Irene A. on December 3, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
I'm so sorry to say I had not heard of Jim Mullen before, but after reading this book, Mr. Mullen will certainly be on my list of favorite authors. I found Kill Me, Elmo to be humorous, but at the same time teaching a lesson on life and what memories will truly be remembered by our children. As a single mom of an only child who is now an adult and father himself, I fell into all the guilt trips that the media and society puts on parents. Jim speaks of consumerism and how we as parents (grandparents included) get caught up on spend, spend, spend.

My favorite chapter was "The Early Bird Gets the Worm". Jim speaks of how retailers push the holiday seasons earlier every year. Its not just the Christmas season, but all holidays. Jim speaks of Halloween being a huge money maker for retail with the overpriced decorations and parents buying " haute-couture" quality costumes. Mr Mullen focuses on when he was growing up. Halloween was a fun time but, without all the hoopla that has become part of our childrens lives. I have to wonder myself, if we as a society have taken the true enjoyment out of holidays. We get caught up with the bigger and better mentality that we no longer use our imaginations to create enjoyment.

To anyone who is getting burned out on the holidays and is looking for a comical yet inspiring book, you must read Kill Me, Elmo.
It is a quick read with only 132 pages. I enjoyed myself reading this wonderful book on a recent cold and snowy weekend
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Kolef88 on October 10, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition
Mullen may be the funniest curmudgeon writing today. He skewers contemporary culture without mercy or favoritism, but always finds the humor lurking within.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Kristen on September 28, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I was laughing at so many things that I related to in this book. The family holidays, the boring conversations, and the realization that holidays can drive a person nuts. What we do for our family, friends and kids is amazing. I agree with the easiest present to give. After many hours spent fighting shoppers, I am convinced that 'nothing' is the best. For a great laugh and enjoyment, I recommend this to all parents.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse

Set up an Amazon Giveaway

Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers. Learn more
Kill Me, Elmo
This item: Kill Me, Elmo
Price: $10.70
Ships from and sold by