If you're looking for a raw, no holds barred depiction of drugs, sex, and violence, then this may be the biography for you. However, if you're looking for anything heavier than that: introspection, self-awareness, and maturation, this may not be the place to look. I couldn't bear to keep reading after around 200 pages, not because of Todd's raw depiction of the street life, but rather because his chronicle feels thoroughly deficient in other, more important, respects.
First of all, Todd demonstrates little understanding of himself and often seems to be stroking his own ego. He goes on and on about what a big deal he was as a child/teen star, often seems like he's bragging when he discusses his exploits and promotions in the drug world, and constantly paints himself as an innocent victim, even going as far as to say that none of what he did was his fault other than taking drugs in the first place. How about his running two crack houses and intentionally getting several women hooked? How about all the crime and death he indirectly promoted through his drug dealing activities? At one particularly important point in the book, he finds himself wrongfully accused of murder and never connects the dots to realize that the murder was committed by his people in his crack house against his arch rival. No, Todd claims he never fired a gun, but many guns fired because of him. Todd sees himself here as an innocent victim of racial profiling and personal grudges in much the same way as he was when the police repeatedly pulled him over earlier in life and hassled him for being black. The two situations are far from the same. It's not that Todd needs to show more remorse over the things he did; it's that he doesn't show any because he doesn't see himself as deserving blame. Though he often talks about how far he fell and how ashamed of himself he'd become, it was never for anything other than being a drug user who no longer cared about his career. He'll spend entire pages talking about pioneering a way to make crack in the microwave or rising to become a small time drug lord in such a short amount of time, but these read like bragging rights, not confessions.
Secondly, there are several times in the book where Todd's accounts seem highly unreliable. Though there are times where he knows that what he's saying sounds hard to believe and says as much, there are other accounts that simply don't add up. At one point in the book, Todd is cheated out of his entire fortune and is left with nothing. Yet, in the next few chapters, he mentions his nice five bedroom home, his Ethan Allen dining room table, and his BMW (and he has another car too). Sure, he may have lost most of his fortune, but he's clearly still affluent and goes on to survive comfortably and support a heavy drug addiction without working or stealing for many years after. At another point in the book, Todd's drug lord mentor has four crack houses, but when Todd takes over his business a few pages later, there are two crack houses. In a third memorable instance, Todd's old rival gets revenge on Todd by knocking him down, running into his crack house, and locking him out. This makes absolutely no sense. Drug lords seeking revenge outside of a crack house at night fire guns and kill. They do not run into houses and lock people out. The fact that this is all part of Todd's alibi for how he had nothing to do with this man ending up in his crack house and being brutally murdered makes this account even more suspicious. There's also a time when Todd is on death row for killing "Henry," and the cops add an armed robbery charge to the mix. Todd tells them that Henry is the one who did it, and to go look for him. Why would he have said that if Henry's death is the whole reason Todd was on death row in the first place?
Finally, the general writing style is exceptionally poor and non-engaging. Todd often sounds like he's just rambling and heading toward a general direction in his narrative. There's also an excessive usage of commas in the middle of sentences and before the word "because" any time that it is used. I'm not sure what co-writer Sarah Tomlinson actually did for this book, but it feels completely unedited.
Please don't get me wrong. Todd Bridges has led a fascinating and incredibly painful life, he has been the victim of many unfortunate circumstances including abuse, sexual abuse, and blatant racism, he has pulled himself out of the abyss, and (in at least one instance) he has performed a heroic feat that saved someone's life. I have nothing against Todd Bridges as a person, but I could certainly do without Killing Willis.
