Customer Reviews

Kink: The Shocking Hidden Sex Lives of Americans

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From the causal look at the back cover one already has to ask one self how open minded and a professional the research has been , when you read this:

""Internationally renowned sex author Susan Crain Bakos has traveled far into the American psyche and has returned with a provocative survey of sexual adventures. From fetishists to bondage fans, from piercers to disciplinarians, she reveals the kinky secrets of seemingly "normal" people....."

I've tried to disregard that and read it first, than make my conclusions. Now, they are absolutely clear. If you want to know something about BDSM and kink, than skip reading this book, it is a waste of money and your time. There are many books on the market, which can help you more in your research and personal education.

If you want a low-level gossip reading, than you are in for some entertainment.

Susan Crain Bakos's comments are purely annoying, because she appears to be well informed about the lifestyle and doesn't really seem to have grasped even the edges of any educated clue.
The author constantly returns attention to her own close-minded self and her very limited sexual fantasies. She is not able to keep the interviewing parties in a front of the happenings.
If she wanted to write autobiography that would be fine, but in this case it is very distracting from a reader.

I would LOVE to interview that author and find out how much she researched before writing that book. It seems she did not spend any quality time to even TRY to understand the BDSM lifestyle.
Her own interpretations are not based on quality research and forgive me for saying; they are laughable to anyone who is familiar with BDSM and different kinks. I have a feeling that she wrote the book not to enlighten the readers about the lifestyle, but to look for reasons to disqualify it as a meaningful kind of relationship/connection.

I believe that some people said things that she is quoting, but with her comments, they sound immature. If she claims to be a "neutral journalist", than she should have kept her own opinion off the book for herself and let readers make their own conclusions.

I, as a reader, was not interested to read about author's fantasies or her own sexual history. After reading this book, I am certainly going to avoid all gossip-writing done by Susan Crain Bakos.

It is very telling how the author not only dismisses sexual styles different from her own as either out-of-place or near-sick; she also seems to find considerable delight in casting an air of ridicule over her interview partners if they fail to meet her expectations.

A typical example is her description of a certain female's looks: Bakos considers the woman's exterior worth five lines, three of which are dedicated to the notion that the poor bunny is blonde and uses too much hair setting lotion. Needless to say, the woman's mate is also a dumb nobody, and both form a painfully mediocre couple that seems an insult to Ms. Bakos' mundane moods.

Bakos is not an ambitious researcher, but a gossipy society socialite, and that shows throughout the book. Real-Life reports on exotic sexual preferences are flooding into the market by the dozens these days. It should be easy to get better information for your money.

When I first got this book, I flipped through and scanned random bits. Upon reading it straight through, I realized that I'd managed to read all the decent content in the random scans.

The author does present valid warnings about the dangers of having intimate and trusting relationships without full communication and without knowing and accepting all of one's own wants and needs. I do not, however, think she did that intentionally. By concentrating her venom on the unnaturalness of the acts and her own personal opinions of them, she clearly highlights that it is communication, respect, and trust that make up healthy relationships and healthy people. Knowing or not, she methodicly illustrates the dangers of practicing socially unacceptable acts while ignorant of the dangers and responsiblities involved.

So, take my word for it, you need to be educated and self-aware before entering into any meaningfull relationship. Skip this book and interview real people yourself, and don't spend the entire interview writing down what they're wearing, listen to what they're saying, and try to understand that someone might be different than you and not crazy.

According to the author, any alternative sexual activity beyond what she terms 'tie and tease' is, in her educated (?) opinion, sick and disturbing and she makes no bones about it. As the self proclaimed 'superlady of sex' and sex advice columnist for Penthouse Forum, Ms. Bakos's views confirm that she is not the least bit knowledgeable about alternative sexuality, nor is she interested in learning the truth about it. While she may be good at answering letters regarding 'normal' sex, she is completely unqualified to write about the alternative community and its unique forms of sexual expression.

While interviewing members of the alternative lifestyle community, Bakos ridicules their comments and seems not to be listening as they explain, in detail, the joys, rules, and safety involved in alternative 'lovemaking.' She specializes in making casual, snide, and demeaning judgements about her subjects.

Also, during her interviews, as the important questions are being asked and we are starting to get into the psyches of 'kinky' individuals, she interlaces the interviews with her own private thoughts. I AM interested in hearing how John Doe discovered his S/m proclivities...I AM NOT interested in Bakos's comment, while staring at John Doe's hands, that "I can imagine them caressing my breasts, parting my thighs."

The author is annoyingly obsessed with her subject's hair, dress, and number of sexual partners...but not their insight into their own sexuality.

The only person's sexuality we learn about in this book is Crain Bakos's...who cannot stop talking about her past conquests, her own sexual appetite, and what she would like her interview subjects to do to her.

If you are interested in the psychological aspects of alternative sexuality, skip this book.

Three words:

Worst.

Book.

Ever.

How about fetishes from the viewpoint of a kink-phobic, vanilla sex "therapist" who thinks that everyone who does anything more than a little slap and tickle is proof of a serious mental imbalance? Or that heavy kink always replaces "real" sex (ie, intercourse)? Or that nobody involved in kink is a well-developed individual? Or that TS women are okay to sit and do makeup and chatter with, "but I wouldn't sleep with one" (her words, not mine!)

And objectivity just flew out the door.

I couldn't even read this piece of tripe all the way through. It's that bad. And I usually try and at least finish books before I review them. Needless to say, this book is one to avoid like the plague.

From the causal look at the back cover one already has to ask one self how open minded and a professional the research has been , when you read this:

""Internationally renowned sex author Susan Crain Bakos has traveled far into the American psyche and has returned with a provocative survey of sexual adventures. From fetishists to bondage fans, from piercers to disciplinarians, she reveals the kinky secrets of seemingly "normal" people....."

I've tried to disregard that and read it first, than make my conclusions. Now, they are absolutely clear. If you want to know something about BDSM and kink, than skip reading this book, it is a waste of money and your time. There are many books on the market, which can help you more in your research and personal education.

If you want a low-level gossip reading, than you are in for some entertainment.

Susan Crain Bakos's comments are purely annoying, because she appears to be well informed about the lifestyle and doesn't really seem to have grasped even the edges of any educated clue.
The author constantly returns attention to her own close-minded self and her very limited sexual fantasies. She is not able to keep the interviewing parties in a front of the happenings.
If she wanted to write autobiography that would be fine, but in this case it is very distracting from a reader.

I would love to interview that author and find out how much she researched before writing that book. It seems she did not spend any quality time to even TRY to understand the BDSM lifestyle.
Her own interpretations are not based on quality research and forgive me for saying; they are laughable to anyone who is familiar with BDSM and different kinks. I have a feeling that she wrote the book not to enlighten the readers about the lifestyle, but to look for reasons to disqualify it as a meaningful kind of relationship/connection.

I believe that some people said things that she is quoting, but with her comments, they sound immature. If she claims to be a "neutral journalist", than she should have kept her own opinion off the book for herself and let readers make their own conclusions.

I, as a reader, was not interested to read about author's fantasies or her own sexual history. After reading this book, I am certainly going to avoid all gossip-writing done by Susan Crain Bakos.

It sounds like an interesting idea: have a "respected" writer on sex go out, find people in the lesser-seen sexual communities, and interview them to find out what it's like on the other side of the fence. Well, it may be a nice idea, but Ms Bakos' execution of it leaves a lot to be desired. Her style of research (interviewing) would be good, if it weren't for her oft-stated conviction that the people she interviews are worrying deviants. This is perhaps not the best of tones to take - the book, far from being the open-minded description of alternate sexualities which it purports to be, ends up as a prejudiced slather on what the author considers deviant sexualities. My partner pointed out that this book is a great example of "I am erotic, you are kinky, they are perverts" - anything the author is into (anal sex, mild b&d) is wonderful and liberated sexual activity which no adult should be ashamed of, but anything the author doesn't like (basically everything else - heavy b&d, head trips, s&m, fetishism, piercing and the like) is disgusting and the only people who indulge in it are vicious perverts and losers. I was particularly impressed by the last section, "The Therapeutic Option", where she talks to counsellors and therapists about the behaviours she discusses in the book. She talks about how it was very hard to find a counsellor who was willing to take a stand about alternative sexualities being "bad", or "sick" - but that she eventually found one, whom she then quotes in detail. This is research?

No, this isn't research. This book is nothing more than an anecdotal survey of the range of alternative sexualities in the US today, written by a woman who firmly believes that people who aren't into what she is in bed are either fuddy-duddies or deviants. Far from informing and enlightening, this book is likely more to confirm mistaken stereotypes for the majorities of its readers.

Avoid at all costs. There are other, better books on S&M out there, many of which Amazon carries. Save your money and get something better.

Just what we needed--another book that tells us how sick and twisted BDSMers are. And this from a supposedly sex-positive writer! The author's basic premise is "whatever I like is sexy; if I'm not into it, it's just gross." Luckily, not everyone is as close-minded as this woman. Feh.

I got 15 or so pages into this and was bored to tears... do people really think that this stuff isnt going on... lame

No, this book certainly does not espouse the alternative sexual lifestyle. Nor is it a pleasant read. Basically, Bakos describes the "alternative" sex scene from the "vanilla sex" perspective. Although she does not sugarcoat her observations, I did not find her writing biased. I stumbled upon this book at a time when I found myself in a new relationship where things were happening I did not quite understand. I credit this book, and am eternally grateful to Bakos, for pulling me from the brink of a potentially dangerous D/S relationship. Particularly, the section about psychological traits (distance/coldness) at the end of the book strongly resonated with my own experience. While there may be perfectly healthy, sane and rational people practicing BDSM, there are also many dysfunctional and sick people drawn to SM and its variations. Among the recent slew of publications embracing alternative sexuality and attempting to educate the public, Bakos raises a lone and much needed critical voice.