Customer Reviews

Kinky Kong

5 star:		(0)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I'm currently off sick after straining my back leaping out of bed with cramp. Some of the kids programmes I've been watching are infinitely better than this tripe (though presumably because I've been watching children's programmes, the cross eyed dinosaur (special effects Brett Piper)did make me chuckle!) At the beginning John Fedele is amusingly on form but wears pretty thin by the end. Somebody called Andrew Shearer has written the linear notes for this DVD. And boy is he easily pleased, spewing sycophantic claptrap about the evolution of John Bacchus's parodies of major films, making out that we have reached a crescendo with this film and that this is John's Opus. Far from it. Since the take off of Blair Witch he has in the main spiralled downwards.

So if the humour of this film is abysmal what about the girls? Well if Seduction Cinema are reading this please note that this is one frequent buyer of all your products (Shock-A-Rama, Retro Seduction, Film Factory, Wave et all) that is going to stop buying your restricted versions because other than some mild topless shots.....that's it! I feel cheated that a unrated version is available free but not to residents of the UK. So please release both versions so that I can buy the unrated version or stop offering them free and release them in both versions in one package as with Spiderbabe.

It would be nice if this company started releasing even more of the earlier exploitation films esp early Misty and Ruby and Debbie and Tina etc on DVD format as Amazon don't stock DVD0-R discs and really they are the only company in America I trust to deliver my goods.

A Seduction Cinema film that is carried by its two male leads is something of a rarity, but that's just what we have here. I have to say that John Fedele and Duane Polcou are both very funny in their roles. Fedele plays a sex film director with a slightly rude name; a man whose million-miles-per-hour spiel is straight out of a 1930s screwball comedy. Meanwhile, Polcou is the sexually confused seaman, Jack Friskell. It's love at first sight when he sees Kinky Kong, a giant gorilla who's packing plenty beneath his diaper.

Comedy aside, what you'll be wanting to know about are the naughty bits. Well, you should be aware that this is an R rated film. Where, in a Seduction Cinema film you would usually see some girl-girl softcore, what you get here are striptease routines presented in a similar manner to the ones in The Sexy 6th Sense. The actresses (Darian Caine, AJ Khan, Sabrina Faire, Molly Heartbreaker, Alexia Moore and Jackie Stevens) all perform these scenes admirably, but, if you're a fan of Seduction's output, you may feel a little shortchanged. These scenes are riddled with (possibly deliberate) continuity errors. An article of clothing is removed, but seconds later, it's reappeared only to have the performer remove it again. There is no below the waist nudity and the actresses do not indulge in any sexy shenanigans with each other. "These are conservative times," says Seduction Cinema head honcho, Michael Raso, on the accompanying audio commentary. He explains that at the time of recording his comments (2006), stores were declining to stock unrated films. The problem here, in my opinion, is that for all the good comedy material that Seduction's productions contain, the films are nothing without the sex scenes. Fans don't buy them because they know that John Fedele is in them; they buy them for Darian Caine, AJ Khan and all the other gorgeous ladies that appear in them. Lowbrow humor, although an important feature in these films, is not enough. For an example of a sex comedy without the sex, you may want to check out Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots, a parody of films such as those produced by Seduction.

The good news is that with the R rated DVD comes a postcard invitation to obtain a free copy of the unrated version. I'd advise you to take this offer up if you are a fan of Darian Caine, Molly Heartbreaker or Jackie Stevens because all these actresses appear in additional material. All the striptease scenes from the R rated version are removed and replaced by stronger, girl-girl softcore. There's a deleted scene on this disc featuring Jackie Stevens and an entertaining audio commentary with Michael Raso and actor John Fedele. The R rated DVD has a disappointingly brief behind the scenes featurette.

One last note: how could they have Lora Renee in this film and not have her involved in any of the sex scenes in either version? Appalling cruelty on the viewer, that's what it is.

As a nightshift person, I see a lot of late night cable TV and some incredibly bad movies (no matter what time of day they're aired). And the worst of the worst appear to be the astoundingly-bad "adult" films pinched out on HBO's Zone channel. I thought GHOST IN A TEENY BIKINI was wretched. Now that I've seen KINKY KONG, I'm prepared to vote to put GHOST IN A TEENY BIKINI in the National Registry.

I could pull people off a city bus and get better performances. The jokes are so bad that I'm sure there was no script at any point during this project. It literally looks like they made everything up as they went along.

I realize the point of these movies is to show copious amounts of female flesh--but is it too much to ask to find some actresses who don't treat their skin like an inner-city brick wall? Some of these chicks have so many tattooes on them that I thought they'd been tagged by several street gangs. Or maybe just selling body space like a Nascar vehicle. And what was the chick thinking who tattooed fire outlines on her breasts?

If you're interested in seeing seriously skanky chicks and computer-generated flatulence, this might be your movie. I can't imagine anyone else taking credit for it.

"Kinky Kong" from 2006 is a softcore porn version of the great ape story that was reinvented in high tech a year earlier. This is the story of a 50-foot ape that runs around New York in a diaper with an, ahem, protruberance in front of his bottom.

He witnesses numerous sexual tete-a-tetes and chases a lot of mainly nude women in the street before finishing the story with a voyeurisitc romp outside a high rise that results in a milk shower on an admirer.

In the final scene, as the credits rolls, Kinky Kong identiifies his object of desire -- Lady Liberty -- and sets out across New York's harbor to embrace his newfound beloved. The great ape wades as the film closes.

This is exactly what you'd expect although I found it somewhat more well-made than the average pump up softcore porn film. It has a low level of high technology that helps make the goings on appear real.

There is no acting, to speak of, and the story is moronic, but it's worth a peek if this sort of thing appeals to you. I've seen a lot of high budget Hollywood flicks more boring and equally as inane as this.

Totally absurd 3rd rate trash film of a wise-cracking movie director Seymour *sse looking to make a movie with 'the preverted version' of the almighty King Kong - Kinky Kong, a stupid-looking (obvious) person in an ape costume that wears a huge diaper. Even the soft porn girl-on-girl action here is pretty much routine. I'll be fair here and there are a few semi-humorous moments but 'Kinky Kong' would be considered to be a complete waste of time to about 99 % of the surface population. Worth watching once, and I do mean once ONLY.

This starts with a producer (Seymour) filming a girl stripping in a bar, but the close-ups again. Semore thinks its all wrong, but the editor likes it. Then there are four girls in
his projector.

When this is finished they cut to a boat where they are talking about the secret location for the next photo shoot, but Seymour will not tell them where it is. He is after a special girl, and he has this very special talent which he uses a few time.

He finds the special girl and uses his talent on her, takes her back to his studio and this is where a dury striptease takes place and a waste of 6 1/2 minutes of film on close-ups.

Cut to the boat again and a crew of five girls and one man. One girl is annoying the potato peeler (girl) and ends up getting her butt spanked more than once. Then it cut back to the bar again to two girls doing a strip, another waste of film.

They are on their way to the secret location, but Seymour's talent is causing everyone stress, so he has to go on deck. Semore is a crazy idiot who tries to be funny while he takes photos of one of the girls, but it doesn't work for me.

Arriving at the secret location (Bone Island), they are confronted by two giant gates attached to an equally giant fence that leads to anyone's guess. They hear a loud noise which is the local tribe who can't dance or sing in harmony, and who can speak english. The top-notch local girl hits it off with Fanny immediately. They go to her log-cabin which looks like any normal house inside. There are electrical equipment and all the modern day toys. Where do they get their electricity from? A generator, I don't think so. If I didn't know better I would think they were on a studio lot in the middle of a film studio.

The local girl does a strip and is another waste of 5 minutes. On the way back they meet Kinky Kong and he picks Fanny up and plucks her top off somehow with his gigantic fingers. She then puts it back on while Kong watches. The local girl is jealous and wants to be picked up also, so Kong accominates her. The other two crew girls see Kong rubbing his groin and runs off in discuss.

Seymour's crew start shooting at the natives with their cap-guns, they run off and one girl is hit in the foot with a spear, and says "That's going to hurt".

Kong looks like a papier-mache dummy wearing a dipper with a giant bulge in front. He is holding two dolls (not the two girls) when he puts them into his dipper.

Cut to Semore's crew (what is left) trying to hold the giant gates shut and the male sailor declaring his love for Kong because of his GIANT .....

Seymour's boat is drifting out to sea while he trys to contact the other girl crew member on board, but she is too busy doing a striptease. Another 5 minutes wasted.

Kong decides to let the girls go, but instead of escaping they decide to stay and do some horizontal hokky-pooky while Kong and a very funny dinosaur (what it is is anyone's guess, a
T-Rex I think) have a fight. Kong ends up showing it what he can do with that bulge in his
dipper, killing it. Jack saves the girls and tries to get Kong intrested in him, but I guess
Kong isn't that way inclined. Poor Jack, he will never know what it would feel like.

Kong smashes down the giant gates and threatens everybody, but Seymour to the rescue. He
uses his talent (passing foul wind, and lots of it) to knock Kong out. While he is lying unconscious Seymour doesn't know what the huge bulge in Kong's dipper is, while it is moving up and down all the time. Semore wants to wrap Kong up and take him back with him on his small boat, about the size of Kong (I will not comment).

Cut to New York and a theater. As the show starts Kong is in chains while three girls do a strip dance. Not much going on here until Kong's dipper gets too large for his chains and he breaks free. He starts his own show, throwing off the chains, and going on a rampage like a horny ape that he is. The few in the audience go crazy and run off with Kong after them.

Kong is crouching on a train track when a train hits him in the rear, giving him some of his own medicine that he gave the poor dinosaur.

Seeing a girl dancing Kong starts to hump the building. Jack runs after him (not one for rejections) trying to convince Kong of his love for him when Kong has an accident, poor Jack
is all covered in white googy stuff.

There is a radio report that Kong is headed for the Empire State Building. Jack and Seymour head off at a save distance and watches as Kong climbs the Empire State Building and starts to hump the Statue of Liberty. The End.

I hope there is a sequel as I want to know what happened to KINKY Kong and poor Jack. I want to know if he ever finds true love with his ape mate.

I watched this dvd twice. The second time I forgot all the mistakes, just enjoyed the film and I found it quite funny, entertaining and a pleasure to watch. If anyone can do just
that, I recommend this dvd to be added to their collection. I give this dvd 6 stars because
it was better the second time around, and in time I will watch it again.