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77 of 82 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy the Audio CD Version
About a month ago, I heard Gene Wilder being interviewed about this book on NPR from a theater in Berkeley, and was fascinated. He had a pleasant way of speaking, said intelligent things, and much to my delight, every time the audience would titter politely in the wrong places to show how hip they were, would ask in a perplexed voice, "What's funny about that?" (Are you...
Published on June 11, 2005 by Diego Banducci

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64 of 77 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars I read these reviews---makes me feel like I can't trust reviews in the future!
I read Gilda Radner's book, "It's Always Something" which she completed only weeks before she died. And so when I was recently taking a flight, I picked up Gene Wilder's book to read on the plane. Sadly, I DID need another book on the way back. This one won't take you cross country.

There are two camps in these reviews. People who blindly give this book 5...
Published on July 8, 2007 by Book Lover Extraordinaire


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77 of 82 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy the Audio CD Version, June 11, 2005
By 
Diego Banducci (San Francisco, CA United States) - See all my reviews
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About a month ago, I heard Gene Wilder being interviewed about this book on NPR from a theater in Berkeley, and was fascinated. He had a pleasant way of speaking, said intelligent things, and much to my delight, every time the audience would titter politely in the wrong places to show how hip they were, would ask in a perplexed voice, "What's funny about that?" (Are you listening Garrison Keillor?)

I remembered Wilder from "Young Frankenstein," but other than that, knew little about him, including his marriage to Gilda Radner. This was an advantage, since I approached the book without preconceived expectations.

Having enjoyed the interview, I bought the audio CD version, and listened to it in the evening over several weeks while nursing a bad back. Audio books read by the author are usually a good buy, because the author adds meaning through pronunciation, timing, and inflection. Moreover, Wilder as an actor knows how to deliver his lines.

He has spent his life as an intelligent misfit, and most of the book is taken up with his efforts to adjust to an outside world that proved both friendly and hostile. Thus his use of the psychiatrist Margie as a foil. One reader review suggests that Margie is merely a "hackneyed and lame device." I disagree; it's clear to me that Wilder has undergone psychoanalysis throughout his adult life, and because he prefers women to men, I suspect that the model for Margie actually exists.

The best parts of the book are his descriptions of various movies he worked in and people he has known. He makes a good case for at least some of the people in that world being decent, while excoriating others. I found his descriptions of dealing with racial issues to be particularly thoughtful and moving.

As for other readers' criticisms:

1. The book is not sufficiently serious: Wilder's previous literary experience was writing screenplays, which tend to focus on visual and auditory images, and be lean on intellectual content. So it is with this book, which is why I recommend buying the audio CD version. Anyone who has read novels by Terry Southern (also a screen writer) will recognize this phenomenon.

2. He does not sugarcoat his relationship with Gilda Radner: Sorry folks, but successful actors make their livings pretending to be someone other than the person they really are, and so it appears to have been with Gilda.

Henry James once observed that the only test for a novel is whether the author achieves what he set out to do. Applying that test to this book, I think Wilder meets it. Perhaps most importantly, he at least tried to be honest, and to a large extent, succeeds.
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24 of 26 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars An Autobiography...but only just., March 12, 2005
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If someone asked me to sum - up this book in one word, I'd say 'succinct'.

If a friend had given it to me as their autobiography and asked me for an opinion I'd tell them that it needed 'fleshing out'.

That's not to say it's a bad book - it really, really isn't! It's warm, funny, sad and an enjoyable read...but there are gaps: if you weren't a Gene Wilder fan, you'd have thought he'd made no films after 'Hear No Evil' as it's the last movie he mentions. Okay, as GW says, this isn't so much a biog as events in his life which have made an impact on his life (Serendipity?), but a better sense of 'history' would have been appreciated.

Now maybe I'm being a bit picky as I've been a fan of GW's since Young Frankenstein and would have preferred reading a 'proper' sutobiography with all his movies and recent TV work chronicled. I also have no sense of his family during this time: yes, we know how his marriage is failing, his adopted daughter angry...but they almost appear to be 'bit players' in the overall scheme of things. What did they think of his fame? How did they cope with that? What were THEY doing whilst GW made movies, etc.?

This work really ends with him getting over cancer and enjoying life with his current wife, Karen (nice Review Karen, BTW) and that's nice and warm and fuzzy...but it almost comes across as if his life has stopped somehow. And that's not true; even if you didn't know he'd recently worked in Theatre, you'd have seen Gene in Will & Grace, or his TV Movies, all of which garnered praise.

The writing style is easy to read and bounces along nicely, but there seems to me an underlying anger which was never really expressed in the words on the page, and oddly enough that sums up a lot of GW's life.

I only wish he'd told us more...
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64 of 77 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars I read these reviews---makes me feel like I can't trust reviews in the future!, July 8, 2007
I read Gilda Radner's book, "It's Always Something" which she completed only weeks before she died. And so when I was recently taking a flight, I picked up Gene Wilder's book to read on the plane. Sadly, I DID need another book on the way back. This one won't take you cross country.

There are two camps in these reviews. People who blindly give this book 5 stars and say they love Gene Wilder. But they never actually tell us what they thought was so great about this book. WHY do they give it five stars?

The other group, generously giving this book 2 stars, comments on his narcissism, his unwillingness to feel needed by anyone in his life, his current wife's greatest asset being that she hangs poetry on her refrigerator reminding her she is on her own.

Here's the thing. Gilda Radner loved Gene Wilder unconditionally, even to the day she died. She loved every thing about him, even his insistence on pushing her away. She loved the way he smelled, his looks, his humor, his mind, his character. She loved him totally. Gene Wilder on the other hand, doesn't seem to have loved her at all. He seems at best to have tolerated her---and that not very well or consistently. In one chapter he describes not having had sex with Gilda for about 6 months, (because she had had a grapefruit sized tumor removed from her body, was undergoing chemotherapy and radiation!) and perhaps as a tribute to what he sees as his own nobility, comments that he didn't ask her to "relieve" him in other ways. He then goes on to describe how, as a result of his deprivation he was of course immediately attracted to the woman who became his fourth wife, when he saw her skirts swishing about her legs.

Gilda was sick in bed having chemotherapy, and he is having dinner in a new woman's apartent. And then, when Gilda dies, he discusses with his therapist whether it's too soon for him to get married again, because the tabloids might make him look like a selfish jerk (Because he IS one!).

Look, I am all in favor of celebrity memoirs. Their artistic and celebrated lives create narratives of experience that we don't normally have access to. I like to read the kinds of books that give insight into famous people and in the circles in which they work and live, and I especially enjoy one person's reactions to them. Shelley Winters' three part autobiography revealed so much about the theatre scene of New York in the 50's, so much about her roommate, Marilyn Monroe, and so much about "the method". I felt as though I learned something in reading those books.

Here I learned that a Gilda Radner was sadly mistaken in whom she chose to love, and maybe the best book to read would have been one from HER therapist. I'd like to understand how someone so consumed with love could have chosen someone so consumed with avoiding it. It's pretty easy to understand why Gene Wilder, one of the greatest narcissists ever, would have chosen Gildan Radner---America's sweetheart who adored HIM above all others. When I put this book down, I felt disgust.
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13 of 16 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not what I'd hoped, January 5, 2009
By 
A. VanAltena (Chicago, Illinois USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
I had high hopes for this book. I really like Gene Wilder, and was hoping for a more in-depth reflection on his life. Instead, I read a lot of prattle about acting techniques, his insecurities about women, and very brief chapters that stop just when I felt like it was about to get really interesting, particularly his younger years. It's a fact that people tend to lessen their own responsibility for unpleasant situations, but it really felt like a much younger person who hasn't gained the kind of wisdom we look for in a man Wilder's age. It was self-aggrandizing and overall not worth the short amount of time it took to read.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars An Oddity, Just Like Its Author, May 16, 2013
This review is from: Kiss Me Like A Stranger: My Search for Love and Art (Paperback)
This odd book is part career autobiography, part family medical history, and the sum of the parts is less than satisfying. Gene Wilder has made a number of notable films but he doesn't talk much about them here. If you want to know anything about Willie Wonka you'll have to look elsewhere because he quite vocally and intentionally snubs it here with merely a few paragraphs. The same with many of his other well-known works, some that just get a single-sentence mention! Young Frankenstein gets a bit more space than others, but that is because Wilder is the creator of that movie's script (and not Mel Brooks as most of us believe).

The book mostly focuses on Wilder's mental sanity in looking for women. He uses a structure in which he mentions his therapist throughout the book, which seems like a crutch for him not actually reveal too much of himself. His upbringing in Milwaukee, his U of Iowa years, his military service and his early acting on Broadway all make for somewhat interesting reading but by the time he become famous he is revealing very little of himself.

He does talk a lot about women and his gentle lust for them. He had four wives, the most famous being Gilda Radner. Surprisingly he is probably the least nice in discussing Radner and he certainly makes her sound like a terrible person to have to live with. One of his marriages was to a woman with a daughter and in the book he goes from being her father figure to no longer having contact with her. He never really explains his range of feelings or actions, but states them in an unemotional way that makes the reader wonder what he's hiding. The last fourth of the book lapses into a lot of dull medical issues with Radner's cancer and his own health problems.

The title of the book makes no sense except on the final page, where he says Radner gave him a nonsense title to use for a project some day. After reading the book it does somewhat fit because Wilder remains a likeable stranger.
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14 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wait a secomd, you guys..........., July 2, 2005
I fully respect the opinions of those who do not have positive reviews of this book - everyone has the right to their opinion and evryone has different perspectives on things but I would like to make some comments on the book and to respond to some of the reviews I've read on here.

First, the fact that Mr. Wilder has chosen to reveal the misatkes he has made to the public and to his fans who are reading this book is something I respect a lot. How many stories about celebraties do we see in which most of what is told about them is how wonderful, kind, heroic, and good they are? More than we can count. Most of the ones we hear reveal very little of the mistakes the person has made - the big mistakes, that is. In response to the review on here that says that Mr. Wilder doesn't care whether or not we will find out how self - absorbed he is and that he seems to WANT us to find out......I say, Yes, I think he does want us to find out that he's not the perfect angel that we would like to see him as. I think he wants to be honest about the fact that, like the rest of us, he can be self - absorbed and make bad choices. I think some - not all - celebraties get sick of being portrayed as this wonderful person that can do no wrong. I, being human, was disappointed when I listened to the book on cd and found that he is not the saint that he is portrayed as....but then I had to think, "Wait a minute, neither am I the nice person that I am expected to be by those around me." And, like what has happned to me when those who had these expectations of me found out that I am not all nice and sweet, people are judging him and saying, "Boy, were we wrong about this guy". None of us are what we seem to others: judging Mr. Wilder for being honest about the bad choices he has made and not chosing to hide them (which is what many people would do) is like saying that we don't have any bad choices to admit to.

Something I noticed in the book is that when talking about his adopted daughter not having any communication with him, he said "my nephew let me know how serious MY problem with Katie was": he didn't say "My nephew let me know how serious KATIE'S problem was". He acknowledges that he has something to do with his adopted daughter not communicating with him. He calls it HIS problem with Katie: he doesn't call it HER problem, which would sound like she just has some kind of issue or that something is wrong with her. In his book, Mr. Wilder has absolutely nothing negative to say about his adopted daughter or her mother (his ex - wife) and he calles his ex - wife "a womderful woman" in his book.

Mr. Wilder's love for Gilda Radner was so evident to me in that while he was honest about the rocky parts of their relationship, he had so many good things to say about her (he said that she was generious, kind, that he loved being around her) and he expressed insight into why she could be difficult sometimes (he saw that she was afraid of her own flaws being seen by others). He was the one who was married to her: I think he has a right to tell his story from his persprctive (the truth about the way he experienced it) whether people like it or not/agree with it or not. He didn't bash Gilda: he told about both the positive and negative things he saw in her. He said, "We didn't get along and that's a fact. But we loved each other and that's a fact". We all have people we love dearly although they can be difficult and get on our nerves: why does Mr. Wilder have to be any different than the rest of us? I agree with the reviewer on here who said that actors spend their lives pretending to be someone else and that they sometiems need to be who they are and tell it like it is.

I don't think Gene Wilder is any more self - absorbed than the rest of us are. Listening to the cd gives a better picture of who he is than reading the book because you hear his tone of voice behind the words and the true meaning of his words. He seems to me to be very genuine, honest, and REAL. I think people could learn a lot from reading/listening to him talk about the successes as weel as the mistakes he has made and the struggles he has had to go through and overcome throughout his life. I know I have.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Not all you could hope for but still worth reading, December 1, 2005
This book is not presented as an autobiography but as a book of selected memories. It reads easy & fast. Quite moving at times. Plenty of happy tears. Funny, too. He likes to look back on his life and see how he couldn't have had the ice cream moments without having had the poop ones. He seems to imply that he was always at the right place at the right time even if it seemed wrong at the time.

His voice is clear & present. The paragraphs read as though they are being redd aloud by him. It's definitely his voice. No ghostwriter here.

The man is a gentleman and therefore shows great restraint overall with regards to the dirt he COULD'VE dished, and yet he still provides an acceptable amount of candid confessions and observations about himself and others. It was quite brave of him to reveal what a handful his wife Gilda Radner turned out to be. It was also somewhat brassy of him to tell us about the time he was homosexually assaulted as an adolescent. And then there's a love affair with Teri Garr, and a concise example of Richard Pryor's "sullen" demeanor & behavior...

In general I liked the book alot but will only give it four stars due to the conspicuous lack of showbiz/movie making anecdotes. There are SOME, thank goodness, but you know in your guts that they amount to a few grains of sand compared to the mountain of anecdotes he must have in his head. And, if truth be told, I only picked up the book with the hope that there would be lots of stuff about Gene's interactions with Mel Brooks, Marty Feldman, and Richard Pryor, but no such luck. And that's okay. I still enjoyed the book. Any openhearted person would.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Generally Good, June 15, 2005
I bought this book in anticipation of a signing Mr. Wilder was going to do. It's a quick read, and I managed to finish it in two days. I wouldn't say it is by any means perfect, but it offers good insights into an interesting persona. Don't expect much "this is what it was like to work on Willy Wonka" type passages, for they are sparse and only used to make other points. Wilder's intention is not to give an overview of his career, but to use that career to discuss some of the lessons he's learned along the way. The title means what it says: expect a good deal of exploration into what "love and art" mean to him.

I would have been happier with the book had he provided a bit more of the "art" aspect--ie, he's considered a great actor, so it would have been nice had he given some insights into technique. But, again, perhaps that was not the point. For those reviewers who seem to think that Wilder is an oversexed chauvinist--that does not show in any way throughout. From what I read in the book, and from what I saw when I finally met him (albeit briefly) at the signing, he's a nice, genuine person. Pick it up!
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8 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Autobiography from a Different Perspective, June 30, 2005
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I like biographies but I always struggle through the first few chapters of the obligatory growing up, here's what I did till I was famous. And while that is in this book, Wilder's flippant writing presented this part in an interesting manner before quickly moving the book to his career in New York. After reading this book, you'll realize he is not exactly who you thought he was.

Being 52 I just assumed this older actor was a comedian by training. I couldn't have been further from the truth as he was trained as an actor from the beginning and really only fell into the comedic roles after studying with Lee Strasberg at the Actor's Studio. It's interesting to hear him describe his early connection with Mel Brooks through Anne Bancroft that eventually led to great fame in Blazing Saddles and other hilarious movies. Wilder used a unique strategy at the end of many chapters concerning his career successes. In a sentence he states the contact that led to the contact that led to the person hiring him that got him the famous role. I've always felt life is a series of forks in the road where you never know what is on the other fork and deal with what you have chosen. He gives credit for his successful forks by showing how this contact was reached. One of them was through his very short unhappy marriage to his first wife so even though the marriage was a complete flop, relationships were made through acting together that eventually led to Mel Brooks.

Wilder does a great job of exhibiting his warts. He fits the role of a typical neurotic, Jewish actor? Years of psychotherapy may have helped him or it may have been just a crutch he needed. It's really never clear. All of these issues center on his inability to maintain healthy relationships. The most serious example is the loss of his adopted daughter (his second wife is the real mother) who for reasons not explained does not interact with him. Of course the most famous relationship is with Gilda Radner. Unfortunately, many "fans" will be disappointed that the "fairy tale" is not the same in true life. Personally, I believe he honestly let you into his life and exposed himself instead of giving the publicity package we are so often given.

In summary, this is his life told truthfully, both good and bad, in a flippant funny writing style that I really enjoyed. It is a fast read that I couldn't put down finding it quite touching in many parts. I strongly recommend this book for a great beach read or a deeper look in to Gene Wilder's soul.
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8 of 10 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Willy Wonka was not quite as odd..., November 11, 2005
Gene Wilder is one weird cat.

I'm not sure if it was the attempted rape at military school - where he described in two sentences which most celebrities would write entire volumes about - but I was tipped off pretty early that this would not be the typical celebrity biography.

I don't know that I'd call this a 'good' book, but it's a good read. He keeps most of the gossip about his own personal life, and while some reviews have commented about his somewhat negative descriptions of Gilda Radner, I think it makes her appear as she probably was - highstrung, emotional, a step away from crazy - which made her funny.

The collection of very odd anecdotes about Radner and his other relationships make this an interesting account. He bounces around from story to story, without dwelling on any one thing for very long, which is the main flaw. It's not that I wanted a lot of gossip, but he could have spent a little more time delving into his relationships with Richard Pryor, or Mel Brooks, or anyone...but it's not that kind of book.

If you like Gene Wilder as an actor, and you wonder about the personality behind his quirky performances, then this book offers that. He played some pretty daffy characters on-screen, and that wasn't all an act.
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Kiss Me Like A Stranger: My Search for Love and Art
Kiss Me Like A Stranger: My Search for Love and Art by Gene Wilder (Paperback - March 7, 2006)
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