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Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship Paperback – January 20, 2014


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Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship + Make Up Don't Break Up: Dr. Love's 5-Step Plan for Reconciling with Your Ex
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Hay House, Inc. (January 20, 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401945333
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401945336
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (71 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #90,520 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Dr. Turndorf has relationships figured out. If you want a great relationship, you must follow her ten-step method for lasting love.”
Jack Canfield, multiple New York Times best-selling author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and contributor to The Secret, with more than 500 million books in print
 
“If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage (or relationship), Dr. Turndorf’s conflict-resolution program is for you.”
John Gray,author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
 
“This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships.”
Dr. John Mack, Pulitzer Prize–winning author and former professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
 
“This book is mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love.”
John Bradshaw,author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Homecoming

About the Author

 
Known to millions as “Dr. Love,” Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., has been seen on numerous TV shows and is the “go-to” relationship expert on CNN, CBS, FOX, VH1, WebMD, and MSNBC. She has been delighting audiences for three decades with her engaging blend of professional expertise and humor, and her remarkable ability to translate clinical psychobabble into easy-to-understand concepts that transform lives. Her conflict-resolution and communication methods help people turn clashes with spouses, partners, family members, or friends into deeper connections.
Website: AskDrLove.com

More About the Author

Known to millions as "Dr. Love" through her website AskDrLove.com -- the web's first and immensely popular relationship advice site since 1996 -- Dr. Jamie Turndorf has been delighting readers and audiences for three decades with her engaging blend of professional expertise, humor and ability to turn clinical psychobabble into easy-to-understand concepts that transform lives and heal relationships.

Her methods have been featured on all the national networks, including CNN, NBC, CBS, VH1, Fox, on websites like WebMD and iVillage, Discovery.com and MSNBC.com, and in Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Glamour, American Woman, Modern Bride, and Marie Claire, to name only a few. She also writes a column called "We Can Work it Out" for Psychology Today online.

Her "Ask Dr. Love" radio show can be heard in Seattle on KKNW and on TalkZone, which broadcasts in over 80 countries worldwide.

Dr. Turndorf is the author of "Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First)," endorsed by Dr. John Gray, NY Times # 1 best-selling author of "Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus;" John Bradshaw, NY Times # 1 best-selling author of "Homecoming" and Dr. John Mack, Pulitzer prize winning author and professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School (now deceased) and "Make Up Don't Break Up: Dr. Love's Five-Step Plan for Reconciling with Your Ex."
Hay House will soon be releasing her latest two titles: "Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict" and "Rekindling Your Connection" (to be published in January 2014) and "Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased" (to be published in July 2014).

Her acclaimed conflict resolution and communication methods help people turn clashes with spouses, partners, family members or friends into deeper connection.

Customer Reviews

My advice: Read this book!
S. Giesemann
So considering this, I was excited to see this book, Kiss Your Fights Goodbye, by Dr. Jamie Turndorf.
Gwynne Montgomery
It just makes sense when Dr. Love says it.
MamaFuzz

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Gwynne Montgomery on March 24, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
I was not financially compensated for this post. I received the book from Hay House for review purposes. The opinions are completely my own based on my experience. This review is based on the Kindle version of the book.

What do you get when you pair a socially awkward 30-something woman who has a touch of Asperger’s with a 20-something man who has a touch of Bipolar and BPD?

My marriage.

We fight. Horribly, horribly fight. Some of the worst fights I’ve ever had in my entire life were during this marriage. In fact, ALL of the worst fights I’ve had my entire life were during this marriage. And I was previously married for almost seven years. So yeah, we fight.

But we can’t seem to let go of each other, either. Not for lack of screaming at each other, demanding/threatening divorce, and various other tactics that fail miserably every time.

So considering this, I was excited to see this book, Kiss Your Fights Goodbye, by Dr. Jamie Turndorf. If there was ever any hope of us learning to not fight all the time, maybe this book could open my eyes to it.

And it’s working, slowly, in a way that I do see a bit more hope than I did before reading this book. But more than that, the conflict resolution and communication skills presented in this book are helping not just in my marriage, but in relationships at work. Socially awkward in the work place makes for some very difficult times!

The biggest shift that occurred for me after reading this book was awareness of my own reactions, and why I react that way. Through that awareness, I’m able to start responding in a less reactive manner, helping to keep the fights from escalating as much.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Just Me on April 9, 2014
Format: Paperback Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
I'm a woman, which means I've read lots of books on relationships. Of all of them, this is the best one for guys. It is written in a straight forward manner that most men would appreciate and the information is truly helpful. It tells you what to DO. Not a touchy-feely book, but it still addresses emotions, because what is a relationship without emotions. But this is not about drowning in emotions, it's about what to do, or not do, to have a happy and contented relationship with little negative drama.

The "program" is straightforward and easy to follow. It has great insight into what causes problems and how to resolve them. It's a nuts & bolts type of book, offering what you need to know, without fluff. Solid.

Much of the book is concerned with the fact that men, especially, tend to enter ANS (autonomic nervous system) arousal when in conflict, and this makes it difficult for them to relate to the other person at that time. This is key, and points the way toward successfully handling conflict. The info on couple types is great -- traditional, separates, independent, or mixed. The coverage of "old scars" is another key to understanding reactions and how to get past the difficulties they cause. One of the keys to solving problems is partial identification, otherwise known as seeing things from the other person's point of view. This is a major stumbling block for many people, and the tactics in this book for getting past this are super. This is especially important because most women want to be understood. Turndorf's coverage of overt fight content vs. the core of the issue offers useful insight.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By M.A. Hallisey VINE VOICE on April 14, 2014
Format: Paperback Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka "Dr. Love") has written a wonderful resource for those who want to kiss their fights goodbye and/or for those interested in why the fighting reflex in relationships is so tough to break.

Writing primarily from a CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) approach, Dr. Turndorf is eclectic enough to encourage a psychoanalytic angle if necessary (sometimes the reasons why a person chooses to fight and how that person fights are rooted in the long ago past). (I say "eclectic" in that she does not seem wedded (yes, pun intended) to any one particular theoretical perspective.)

Dr. Turndorf spends the first 7 (of 10 chapters) dealing with dialing down the fighting and the final 3 chapters in keeping the fighting at bay. My intial reaction was, "So much on fighting? I thought this book was about not fighting?" But when you think about it this makes sense and the reason why it makes sense is "fight habituation."

"Fight habituation" is a concept that says people get so used to fighting that a) fighting becomes the new "normal" and b) fighting becomes the new "safe." Until you are exposed to the psychology behind "fight habituation," this seems like a ridiculous notion: surely people would not prefer fighting to not fighting. But the plain truth is that once fighting becomes habit, it is preferable to not fighting: people fear change, even if it means prolonging unhealthy behavior. In other words, the "present known" is better than the "future unknown."

Any quibble I might have with the book (and there were a few) does nothing to hurt my rating of it: 5 solid stars. Even if you think this book doesn't apply (to your own situation), take a chance on it. At a minimum, it is an excellent primer on a number of facets of human behavior. You might also gain some insight into some of the ploys used by folks you interact with.
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