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I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance Paperback – April 1, 1997

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity, and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking that love and romance are to be enjoyed "solely for recreation." In such well-named chapters as "Guarding Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty," Harris encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than reveling in infatuation, to regard love as a truly selfless, biblical act rather than a feeling. He refutes the concept that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God." Before you roll your eyes, moaning that this sounds terribly unromantic, know that Harris does a superb job of couching his convictions in the sincere belief that if we are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity, a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing. --Jill Heatherly

About the Author

Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he's a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.
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Product Details

  • Series: I Kissed Dating Goodbye
  • Paperback: 238 pages
  • Publisher: Multnomah Books; First Edition edition (April 1, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1576730360
  • ISBN-13: 978-1576730362
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.7 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (813 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #251,714 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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More About the Author

Since writing his breakout book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, at the age of twenty-one, Joshua Harris has enjoyed tremendous publishing success, with total book sales exceeding 1.5 million copies. His later books, including Boy Meets Girl and Stop Dating the Church firmly established him as a trustworthy voice to his generation. Harris is senior pastor of Covenant Life in Gaithersburg, Maryland. He and his wife, Shannon, have three children.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

73 of 74 people found the following review helpful By shoop on June 20, 2008
Format: Paperback
First of all, when I first picked up this book, I couldn't believe that a twenty-something-year-old SINGLE guy wrote this book. It was a two-way shock. One, I couldn't believe that someone who was so young with little experience was bold enough to publish a book about dating and relationships. Then after reading this book, I was shocked again, but this time, at the wisdom this guy had at such a young age. But I know that many times age means nothing when it comes to wisdom.

Since there are so many interpretations about this book, I won't even attempt to defend this book. That would be Joshua's part. I'll share what I got out of this book, though.

This book didn't tell me to stop dating - I know, it's contrary to its title. What I learned from this book is to have a different approach and attitude about dating. Before the book, I thought that in order for me to find my life partner, I'd have to date around. The scenario would go like this: If there's a guy that I was interested in, I'd go on a date with him and if we liked each other, we'd enter into a more serious relationship and then see how we fit. If we're not a good fit, we end the relationship and then when I meet a new guy that would interest me, another dating cycle would begin.

Here's the book's approach to dating: When I find someone I'm interested in, rather than going on a date with him (so rather than jumping into a romantic relationship right away), I'd develop a good friendship with him first. If you think you can't get to know someone by just being their friend, you haven't experienced good friendship. The book explains that this is a healthier way to get to know someone (that is a potential spouse) without the 'romantic' pressure and confusion.
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87 of 91 people found the following review helpful By Art Bigotti on February 16, 2000
Format: Paperback
I've read the book at least three times. I developed a Sunday School based on it and taught it to a group of about 20 young adults. Some found it very good and some found it to be impractical. One thing it did do was create a lot of thought about where dating fits in the life of a believer. I've read a number of the negative reviews in this section and found that many obviously didn't understand the book (or probably didn't even read it). While the Harris book can be applied in a legalistic manner, I don't think that was Harris' intention. I used the book to talk about having a Christ-focused life. In this context, the single person has to ask, what role does dating play in my life? I think Harris brings out some very good principles about intimacy (not just sexual) and other elements of the consequences of dating. Who we are at the core (foundational to true intimacy) is truly reserved for God, and then for our future spouse. We should be stewards of this. It shouldn't just be given to anybody recklessly. Many of us spend our intimacy foolishly and then in marriage have little to give that is unique and special and that hasn't become common given to a number of people through a number of relationships.
The book is a good starting point for a single believer as long as it is kept in the context of developing a Christ-focused life. It is weak in its lack of depth and stark black and white assertions. I imagine that as he gets older and grows in wisdom, Harris will be able to fine tune his thesis and present an argument that has greater weight. I applaud him for his insight and his contribution to the lives of many who want to have a Christ-focused life. To those who don't agree with the book...so what.
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125 of 142 people found the following review helpful By Shantelle on December 22, 1999
Format: Paperback
I am 25 years old, and I have dated since I was 16, moving from boyfriend to boyfriend as soon as possible. I always felt lonely if I didn't have someone to hold hands with, kiss, snuggle with, etc. But every one of my nine relationships ended in someone getting hurt because one of us was not ready to make the big commitment. I also ended up having intimate relations, as it is very difficult to say no when you are in a relationship for a long time. (I know of only a handful of 20+ people who have accomplished this.) After ending my most recent relationship, this book looked very appealling. I read it and I was all set to give up dating. Now that my hurt and anger have diminished, the books advice gets hard to follow, especially being the holidays...however...
I have never been so happy with the direction my life is taking, and it's getting easier every day. For anyone reading this review, please take heart and give this way of living a chance. The bad reviews sound like they are coming from people who do not have the conviction or will power to give up intimacy. You will meet many, many men/women like this, and they make it very hard to stick to your guns. And others make it sound like living like this makes it impossible to meet people - not true! You meet people of the same sex and become freinds, don't you? Just treat the opposite sex the same way while you are getting to know them! (Very hard, but not impossible!) And just let me say - for those who think that Joshua Harris did not have enough experience or was old enough to know what he was talking about, I believe it is God's message, through Josh, we are hearing when we read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Please give it a chance - you will not regret it! I've gotten so many rewards already.
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