I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance [Paperback]

Joshua Harris (Author), Rebecca St. James (Foreword)

Book Description

Release date: April 1, 1997 | Series: I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.

Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye.

Going out? Been dumped? Waiting for a call that doesn’t come? Have you tasted pain in dating, drifted through one romance or, possibly, several of them?

Ever wondered, Isn’t there a better way?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better—a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity, and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking that love and romance are to be enjoyed "solely for recreation." In such well-named chapters as "Guarding Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty," Harris encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than reveling in infatuation, to regard love as a truly selfless, biblical act rather than a feeling. He refutes the concept that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God." Before you roll your eyes, moaning that this sounds terribly unromantic, know that Harris does a superb job of couching his convictions in the sincere belief that if we are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity, a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing. --Jill Heatherly

About the Author

Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he's a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.

Product Details

• Paperback: 238 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books; First edition (April 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576730360
• ISBN-13: 978-1576730362
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (454 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #326,445 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

72 of 76 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars A good starting point February 16, 2000

By Art Bigotti

Format:Paperback

I've read the book at least three times. I developed a Sunday School based on it and taught it to a group of about 20 young adults. Some found it very good and some found it to be impractical. One thing it did do was create a lot of thought about where dating fits in the life of a believer. I've read a number of the negative reviews in this section and found that many obviously didn't understand the book (or probably didn't even read it). While the Harris book can be applied in a legalistic manner, I don't think that was Harris' intention. I used the book to talk about having a Christ-focused life. In this context, the single person has to ask, what role does dating play in my life? I think Harris brings out some very good principles about intimacy (not just sexual) and other elements of the consequences of dating. Who we are at the core (foundational to true intimacy) is truly reserved for God, and then for our future spouse. We should be stewards of this. It shouldn't just be given to anybody recklessly. Many of us spend our intimacy foolishly and then in marriage have little to give that is unique and special and that hasn't become common given to a number of people through a number of relationships.

The book is a good starting point for a single believer as long as it is kept in the context of developing a Christ-focused life. It is weak in its lack of depth and stark black and white assertions. I imagine that as he gets older and grows in wisdom, Harris will be able to fine tune his thesis and present an argument that has greater weight. I applaud him for his insight and his contribution to the lives of many who want to have a Christ-focused life. To those who don't agree with the book...so what. Do as you wish, see where it takes you, and if you gain any insight and grow in Christ, write your own book. I am amazed at the many who critisize the book as if Harris crashed into their homes and forced them to change their lives at gun point.

109 of 125 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Quite a challenge, but well worth it! December 22, 1999

By Shantelle

Format:Paperback

I am 25 years old, and I have dated since I was 16, moving from boyfriend to boyfriend as soon as possible. I always felt lonely if I didn't have someone to hold hands with, kiss, snuggle with, etc. But every one of my nine relationships ended in someone getting hurt because one of us was not ready to make the big commitment. I also ended up having intimate relations, as it is very difficult to say no when you are in a relationship for a long time. (I know of only a handful of 20+ people who have accomplished this.) After ending my most recent relationship, this book looked very appealling. I read it and I was all set to give up dating. Now that my hurt and anger have diminished, the books advice gets hard to follow, especially being the holidays...however...

I have never been so happy with the direction my life is taking, and it's getting easier every day. For anyone reading this review, please take heart and give this way of living a chance. The bad reviews sound like they are coming from people who do not have the conviction or will power to give up intimacy. You will meet many, many men/women like this, and they make it very hard to stick to your guns. And others make it sound like living like this makes it impossible to meet people - not true! You meet people of the same sex and become freinds, don't you? Just treat the opposite sex the same way while you are getting to know them! (Very hard, but not impossible!) And just let me say - for those who think that Joshua Harris did not have enough experience or was old enough to know what he was talking about, I believe it is God's message, through Josh, we are hearing when we read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Please give it a chance - you will not regret it! I've gotten so many rewards already.

25 of 28 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Explains my Life April 2, 2000

By Nicole

Format:Paperback

I first read this book over Christmas vacation. My brother had gotten it for Christmas and I ended up reading it before he did. I couldn't put it down. This book explains what I've been trying to tell people when they find out I don't date. A lot of people think it's weird, but they can think what they want.

This book is written so that you can absorb the information printed and then apply what you feel God is calling you to. No, you probably will not agree with everything he has to say. I didn't agree with everything he had to say, but I agreed with most of it. It all comes down to the convictions of your own heart.

I was really saddened by reading some of the other reviews. Mr. Harris did not say that dating was a sin. He explicitly said he did not believe that in the book. So many of my friends feel like they always need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. The problem is, they always believe they hav found the one they are going to marry, then a couple of months later, they break up. I think that you have to be right with God, know who you are, and know where God wants you to be before you can add another person into your life. Then God will send the person for you into your life.

To the man who said premarital sex was alright, I don't agree with you. What happens if you don't end up marrying that person? So many people get engaged and never get married. I believe that if you are truly in God's will and are marrying the one he has chosen for you, then knowing if you are sexually compatible before marriage does not matter.