I Kissed Dating Goodbye [Paperback]

Joshua Harris (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 2, 2003

Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.

Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye.

Going out? Been dumped? Waiting for a call that doesn’t come? Have you tasted pain in dating, drifted through one romance or, possibly, several of them?

Ever wondered, Isn’t there a better way?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better—a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he's a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.

Product Details

• Paperback: 221 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books; Updated edition (April 2, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590521358
• ISBN-13: 978-1590521359
• Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.6 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (208 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,865 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #78 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

228 of 243 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Something honest... September 6, 2004

By KF

Format:Paperback

I've never reviewed anything on Amazon.com before. But after reading this book and reviewing some of the comments, I had to say something.

First on the book... I think it is an amazing insight into dating in our culture. The book isn't as much about not dating as it is about realizing the opportunity you have as a single person to work for God. He's basically arguing that for the amount of time and energy we put into worrying about the person we just met at the bar last night, we have an even better opportunity to use that energy work for and bless God.

He's not saying anyone can't date. Rather, he's questioning the motivations we have behind dating and asking people to really be honest with themselves. One of the reviews posted here on Amazon said something to the effect that "Harris is wrong, I need to date to learn more about relationships and the opposite sex." Got news for you, this is the exact reason Harris says you shouldn't be dating. If you view dating in and of itself as a reason to improve your own "dating skills", you're using the other person in the relationship. In some of the reviews people are basically saying, "Hey, I need to date that way when I meet the right person I'll be ready!" Again, this is selfish and speaks to many of Harris's points about how we use people to refine our opinions of the opposite sex. It's as if we can take a peice of each person we've dated in the past and we'll combine them into the perfect spouse!

I think the reason this book sparks so much debate is because it really calls some people out in terms of their own dating lives. Harris basically says, "If you've been with someone for so long and haven't figured out if you're going to marry them, it's time to move on because all you're doing is using the other person." Oooh boy - I can see some people not liking this. But it's so true!!! He's saying, "Sex should be saved for marriage." Again, I'm sure someone will argue, "but I love the person!" - but if you really love the person, you'll wait.

I guess what's crazy, especially after reading some of the reviews, is that people believe Harris says we just shouldn't date at all. Again, please actually read the book. Harris is really saying that we need to reexamine our reasons for dating in the first place and to enter into our relationships with the opposite sex with God's intentions in mind (selfless love and friendship). He argues we rush into dating to fulfill our romantic needs (needs that only fulfill our selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other person as a friend in Christ.

I would whole heartedly recommend this book to anyone who is single and struggling with their dating life.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Taught me HOW to date June 20, 2008

By canopy

Format:Paperback

First of all, when I first picked up this book, I couldn't believe that a twenty-something-year-old SINGLE guy wrote this book. It was a two-way shock. One, I couldn't believe that someone who was so young with little experience was bold enough to publish a book about dating and relationships. Then after reading this book, I was shocked again, but this time, at the wisdom this guy had at such a young age. But I know that many times age means nothing when it comes to wisdom.

Since there are so many interpretations about this book, I won't even attempt to defend this book. That would be Joshua's part. I'll share what I got out of this book, though.

This book didn't tell me to stop dating - I know, it's contrary to its title. What I learned from this book is to have a different approach and attitude about dating. Before the book, I thought that in order for me to find my life partner, I'd have to date around. The scenario would go like this: If there's a guy that I was interested in, I'd go on a date with him and if we liked each other, we'd enter into a more serious relationship and then see how we fit. If we're not a good fit, we end the relationship and then when I meet a new guy that would interest me, another dating cycle would begin.

Here's the book's approach to dating: When I find someone I'm interested in, rather than going on a date with him (so rather than jumping into a romantic relationship right away), I'd develop a good friendship with him first. If you think you can't get to know someone by just being their friend, you haven't experienced good friendship. The book explains that this is a healthier way to get to know someone (that is a potential spouse) without the 'romantic' pressure and confusion. This is what Joshua calls kissing dating good-bye. But he doesn't end there.

If, through your friendship the intrigue and respect grows, then you enter a 'courtship.' (I know I said I wasn't going to defend Joshua but he DOES say that 'courtship' could be called whatever you want - e.g. DATING. So he wasn't telling everyone not to date!!!) The difference between what people call 'dating' and 'courtship' is that 'courtship' is purposeful. You're getting to know each other to see if you are right for marriage. How is 'courtship' different from the 'serious relationship' I described above? Well, in a courtship you wouldn't be acting like your typical boyfriend/girlfriend. Rather, courtship would be like a job interview (but obviously more fun, less rigid, with more food). You're taking time out to get to know each other to see if you're both right for marriage.

I bought into this book 100% because I've decided that I don't want to hop from one relationship to another giving pieces of my heart away - I'd like to reserve that for just one person. Some people may say, you can guard your heart while dating...well, easier said than done. But if you think you can 'date' around and still have a purposeful relationship that honours God, then great! I wish you all the best!

But if you're like me, I highly recommend this book. Not only that, if you're someone who's entering the dating world, or are confused about dating, I also recommend this book to you. You may not agree with everything in this book, but it may give you some good guidance to dating.

One last note about this book. It focuses on pleasing God. As Christians, we strive to commit our lives to God daily in all areas of our lives. For the singles, dating is a big part of our lives and this book constantly goes back to the question 'Is this pleasing to God?' Whether you follow the principles in this book or not is not the big question, but awareness and acknowledgement of God is.

74 of 87 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Not for people over 25 April 29, 2009

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

I don't usually review books but I thought I would review this one. You may not agree with me but please know that I write from the heart.

I first read this book about 6 years ago and really embraced the message. As I have gotten older however I realized that there were a few problems with this idea.

First, this approach is effective if you are still in college or a recent graduate, in an environment where there are alot of singles around you. In an environment where young singles hang out in groups, this idea makes sense. But as you get older, people don't do this. You must continue to go to God in prayer of course but you have to make an actual effort to meet other single people as you hit 30 and beyond.

I suggest Henry Cloud's "How to get a date worth keeping" for the people over 25. He suggests that you try to interact with as many people of the opposite sex as possible, with the help of a group of Christians who can help you avoid pitfals along the way. This approach helps you learn about the opposite sex but mostly learn about yourself and the issues you may bring to relationships.

Which leads me to the second reason - I believe that there are many single Christians over 30 in part because they are not comfortable interacting with the opposite sex in a romantic relationship or have personal issues that keep them from getting to that stage in the first place. Cloud's book will help to deal with those issues. It is written by a Christian who is a trained psychologist and he is one of the authors of the very popular "Boundaries" series. "I kissed dating goodbye" is written by a Christian who based the book on his own dating experience when he was very young.

I found that his book only encouraged me to hide from the opposite sex and as I got older, the suggestions became unfeasable. I encourage you to check out Cloud's approach instead.