I Kissed Dating Goodbye [Paperback]

Joshua Harris (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity, and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking that love and romance are to be enjoyed "solely for recreation." In such well-named chapters as "Guarding Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty," Harris encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than reveling in infatuation, to regard love as a truly selfless, biblical act rather than a feeling. He refutes the concept that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God." Before you roll your eyes, moaning that this sounds terribly unromantic, know that Harris does a superb job of couching his convictions in the sincere belief that if we are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity, a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing. --Jill Heatherly --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

Product Description

Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 238 pages
• Publisher: Multnomah Books; Updated edition (April 2, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590521358
• ISBN-13: 978-1590521359
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (557 customer reviews)
• Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #3,599 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

  #2 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Women's Issues
  #1 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Relationships > Dating & Single Life
  #14 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Relationships > Marriage

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

71 of 77 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Something honest..., September 6, 2004

By	KF - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Paperback)

I've never reviewed anything on Amazon.com before. But after reading this book and reviewing some of the comments, I had to say something.

First on the book... I think it is an amazing insight into dating in our culture. The book isn't as much about not dating as it is about realizing the opportunity you have as a single person to work for God. He's basically arguing that for the amount of time and energy we put into worrying about the person we just met at the bar last night, we have an even better opportunity to use that energy work for and bless God.

He's not saying anyone can't date. Rather, he's questioning the motivations we have behind dating and asking people to really be honest with themselves. One of the reviews posted here on Amazon said something to the effect that "Harris is wrong, I need to date to learn more about relationships and the opposite sex." Got news for you, this is the exact reason Harris says you shouldn't be dating. If you view dating in and of itself as a reason to improve your own "dating skills", you're using the other person in the relationship. In some of the reviews people are basically saying, "Hey, I need to date that way when I meet the right person I'll be ready!" Again, this is selfish and speaks to many of Harris's points about how we use people to refine our opinions of the opposite sex. It's as if we can take a peice of each person we've dated in the past and we'll combine them into the perfect spouse!

I think the reason this book sparks so much debate is because it really calls some people out in terms of their own dating lives. Harris basically says, "If you've been with someone for so long and haven't figured out if you're going to marry them, it's time to move on because all you're doing is using the other person." Oooh boy - I can see some people not liking this. But it's so true!!! He's saying, "Sex should be saved for marriage." Again, I'm sure someone will argue, "but I love the person!" - but if you really love the person, you'll wait.

I guess what's crazy, especially after reading some of the reviews, is that people believe Harris says we just shouldn't date at all. Again, please actually read the book. Harris is really saying that we need to reexamine our reasons for dating in the first place and to enter into our relationships with the opposite sex with God's intentions in mind (selfless love and friendship). He argues we rush into dating to fulfill our romantic needs (needs that only fulfill our selfish emotions and lust), instead of seeing the other person as a friend in Christ.

I would whole heartedly recommend this book to anyone who is single and struggling with their dating life.

39 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A good starting point, February 16, 2000

By	Art Bigotti (Tacoma, WA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships And Romance (Paperback)

I've read the book at least three times. I developed a Sunday School based on it and taught it to a group of about 20 young adults. Some found it very good and some found it to be impractical. One thing it did do was create a lot of thought about where dating fits in the life of a believer. I've read a number of the negative reviews in this section and found that many obviously didn't understand the book (or probably didn't even read it). While the Harris book can be applied in a legalistic manner, I don't think that was Harris' intention. I used the book to talk about having a Christ-focused life. In this context, the single person has to ask, what role does dating play in my life? I think Harris brings out some very good principles about intimacy (not just sexual) and other elements of the consequences of dating. Who we are at the core (foundational to true intimacy) is truly reserved for God, and then for our future spouse. We should be stewards of this. It shouldn't just be given to anybody recklessly. Many of us spend our intimacy foolishly and then in marriage have little to give that is unique and special and that hasn't become common given to a number of people through a number of relationships.

The book is a good starting point for a single believer as long as it is kept in the context of developing a Christ-focused life. It is weak in its lack of depth and stark black and white assertions. I imagine that as he gets older and grows in wisdom, Harris will be able to fine tune his thesis and present an argument that has greater weight. I applaud him for his insight and his contribution to the lives of many who want to have a Christ-focused life. To those who don't agree with the book...so what. Do as you wish, see where it takes you, and if you gain any insight and grow in Christ, write your own book. I am amazed at the many who critisize the book as if Harris crashed into their homes and forced them to change their lives at gun point.

85 of 97 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Quite a challenge, but well worth it!, December 22, 1999

By	Shantelle - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships And Romance (Paperback)

I am 25 years old, and I have dated since I was 16, moving from boyfriend to boyfriend as soon as possible. I always felt lonely if I didn't have someone to hold hands with, kiss, snuggle with, etc. But every one of my nine relationships ended in someone getting hurt because one of us was not ready to make the big commitment. I also ended up having intimate relations, as it is very difficult to say no when you are in a relationship for a long time. (I know of only a handful of 20+ people who have accomplished this.) After ending my most recent relationship, this book looked very appealling. I read it and I was all set to give up dating. Now that my hurt and anger have diminished, the books advice gets hard to follow, especially being the holidays...however...

I have never been so happy with the direction my life is taking, and it's getting easier every day. For anyone reading this review, please take heart and give this way of living a chance. The bad reviews sound like they are coming from people who do not have the conviction or will power to give up intimacy. You will meet many, many men/women like this, and they make it very hard to stick to your guns. And others make it sound like living like this makes it impossible to meet people - not true! You meet people of the same sex and become freinds, don't you? Just treat the opposite sex the same way while you are getting to know them! (Very hard, but not impossible!) And just let me say - for those who think that Joshua Harris did not have enough experience or was old enough to know what he was talking about, I believe it is God's message, through Josh, we are hearing when we read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Please give it a chance - you will not regret it! I've gotten so many rewards already.