Klonopin Lunch: A Memoir [Hardcover]

Jessica Dorfman Jones (Author)

Book Description

Release date: July 17, 2012

Gritty. Dirty. Hard-core. Transformative. Funny.  This is the real Sex and the City.
 
By her late twenties, Jessica Dorfman Jones had dutifully achieved everything she thought she was supposed to: marriage, law degree, high-paying job, nice apartment in Greenwich Village. But she was miserable and felt like she was living a life that wasn't hers. Desperate to change her status quo and figure out who she really was, Jessica went about the business of making a change by demolishing the life she knew. She threw her good-girl image aside and set out to unleash the very bad girl she had never before tried to be.

Embracing the deliciously debauched world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, Jessica leaves behind her sweet and well-behaved husband for the ultimate bad-boy guitar player, starts her own band, and parties harder than she had ever thought possible. She starts a band, puts her job in jeopardy, and causes her friends and family no end of worry with her illicit behavior. And then, in the midst of her self-created chaos, the wildest thing of all happens. She figures out who she is, who she most definitely is not, and what might, if she's lucky, come next.

Klonopin Lunch is Jessica’s wickedly funny and uncensored journey down the rabbit hole and back out again, into a life that, at last, makes her truly happy.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Massively entertaining...the writing--expressive, ribald, honest--keeps this hard-core cautionary tale lively, diverting, and fresh." --Elle Magazine

"A funny, sexy memoir of a good girl gone momentarily very bad....Jones writes freshly and perceptively about love, lust and sex. She is starkly (and wittily) honest about her own faults while being generous toward the deeply flawed men in her life....a guilty pleasure" --Kirkus

"[A] very raw, human lesson about vulnerability and growth." --Publishers Weekly

"Brave, horrifying, hilarious, and totally entertaining Jessica Dorfman Jones is nothing like the girl I remember from private school." —Cecily Von Ziegesar, author of the #1 New York Times bestselling Gossip Girl novels
 
“Sex, drugs, rock and roll, even love—Klonopin Lunch has it all. Brave, heartbreaking in spots, laugh-out-loud funny in others, Jessica Dorfman Jones's story is a captivating mix of depravity and heart.” —Jancee Dunn, author of Why is My Mother Getting a Tattoo? And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask
 
“Klonopin Lunch is every bit as funny and irreverent as the title suggests. Jessica Dorfman Jones’ story of an Upper East Side preppie law school graduate who leaves it all behind for New York’s downtown rock scene is hysterically funny and surgically accurate. It captures every detail of that sadly bygone subculture in all its lurid, cringe-worthy glory. Tom Petty sang about a good girl who loved her mama, and if you want to see what happens when that girl goes full Winehouse, then this is the only book you’ll ever need.” —Dan Bukszpan, author of The Encyclopedia of Heavy Metal and The Encyclopedia of New Wave
 

About the Author

A die-hard native New Yorker, graduate of the Nightingale-Bamford School (she still has the white gloves to prove it), Kenyon College, and Cardozo Law School, Jessica Dorfman Jones started her life in publishing in the publicity department of Simon & Schuster. She continued on, among other jobs, as a literary agent (responsible for bringing Legally Blonde into the world) and book packager. She is the author of The Art of Cheating: A Nasty Little Book for Tricky Little Schemers and Their Hapless Victims, which she is adapting into a feature film. Jessica is currently at work on a novel, as well as a musical titled Friends Like These about the triumphs and trials of female friendships.  She is also the cofounder of Glass Elevator Media, a production company based in LA and New York.  Jessica lives and works in New York City and her writing is frequently interrupted by her tiny dog Oscar’s loud indignation at not being catered to 24/7.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 336 pages
• Publisher: Crown (July 17, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0307886972
• ISBN-13: 978-0307886972
• Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 1.2 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 2.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #414,373 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

51 of 58 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Appalling July 24, 2012

By GadgetChick

Format:Hardcover

I was aghast at this book, and even more aghast that any reputable publisher would publish it.

Recap of the story: young woman in NYC is working a dead-end job and is married to a very sweet, but not-exciting (by her extremely twisted standards) guy. She's bored and wants to do something new with her life. She becomes aware that time is ticking away and that life is passing her by, and she makes a resolution to do something about it...which turns out to be taking guitar lessons.

Sounds cute, right? I mean, who can't relate to that? We all have moments where we feel bored with our lives; where we need a little excitement and adventure and something that will shake up our routine.

Unfortunately, Jones' version of "shaking up her routine" includes starting an long-running sexual affair with her slacker, druggie guitar teacher, starting her own "band" (which mainly seems to be an excuse for her to use more drugs and have more extramarital sex than it is about making music), using copious amounts of illegal drugs, and sabotaging her career by going to work high or drunk on a regular basis.

The band and the drug use didn't really bother me. Here's what did bother me: A. Jones' husband comes across in the book as one of the nicest guys on the planet and she treats him like the absolute worst kind of garbage - and I mean with absolutely no consideration or recognition that he is a person with feelings who cares about her. B. Jones ends up with some pretty great career opportunities, opportunities other young women would have killed to get, and she squanders them by deciding it's cuter and funnier to go to work high or extremely hungover than it is to actually work. She treats people badly at work when she's high or drunk and seems to think this is hilarious....

I am one of those people who more or less always finishes a book, once I start it. But this one was a real struggle. Midway through the book, I wanted to burn it in my fireplace, and then go find Jones and punch her in the mouth. It was bad enough reading Jones' descriptions of how badly she treated her poor husband - she would routinely tell him she was coming home and then stay out all night having sex and taking drugs with her loser boyfriend while he waited at home for her - but the worst part of it was that she seemed to think her behavior was cute, or funny. And it very much was not. I kept picturing this poor guy at home, wondering what was going on with his wife, who he obviously loved, and just taking it and taking it and taking it from this total harpy witch who cared about nothing but herself. She basically abandoned the marriage without having the courage to tell her husband "look, this isn't working for me and I need a divorce." Keeping a nice person who loves you on the string while you go out and seek "excitement" in the form of a drug-fueled affair with a loser is the worst kind of cowardice, in my opinion.

Jones' "double life" is finally exposed when - no joke - her husband comes home one day and finds her having "loud, porny sex" with the guitar-teacher boyfriend in their apartment. The husband, of course, freaks out and nearly hyperventilates in the street. She writes about this episode like it's supposed to be funny; like it's an episode of Seinfeld, or something. (I felt so bad for the poor husband, standing in the street looking for sympathy from the least sympathetic person on the planet.) She and her husband split up. The boyfriend is a full-on drug addict at this point thanks to all the partying he and Jones have been doing, but when he goes into rehab and becomes not-so-fun to be around, she dumps him because he's a drag and he's interfering with her life. Which, to me, was the icing on this particularly terrible cake: she basically encourages and enables the guitar teacher into a pretty serious drug problem, and then abandons him when he ceases to become fun for her. Blech.

What can you say about someone like Jessica Dorfman Jones? She comes across in the book as an absolutely horrible, narcissistic, reprehensible person who very much deserves to have something very bad happen to her. I was really disappointed, when the book ended, that she hadn't gotten some rare, painful form of cancer or been hit by a bus - and I am not the type of person who wishes that on other people, as I think that's generally bad karma. I hope she never wonders, at the end of her life, how she has ended up friendless and alone. When you only care about yourself, and you intentionally hurt other people as she did, you deserve nothing but the worst of everything, in my opinion.

I truly, deeply hated this book. And I truly, deeply hope that Jones' ex-husband has gone on and found a nice, sweet, pretty girl who treats him like gold, and they are raising a couple of adorable children in a beautiful old country house somewhere. HE should write a book, about how to survive living with a complete sociopath who will wreck the lives of everyone around her just for kicks. I'd buy it. Read more ›

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing, to say the least August 3, 2012

By Karolina

Format:Hardcover

Man, what a waste of a book title! This book, regrettably, has a very catchy first chapter and a premise that has the potential to be entertaining. HOWEVER. I am offended, and a bit angry, at getting tricked into reading what turned out to be the self-indulgent droning and failed insight of a woman who has no depth what. so. ever.

How many times can you say the same thing, over and over again? If the editor of this book had any sense he/she would have cut it down to a short story, though even the shortened version of this memoir would be annoying to read.

In defense of the author (and this is the ONLY defense I'm going to give her) I am at least a full two decades younger than she, and so what she considers to be 'bad' and 'wild' is more of like a 'been there done that' for me and the majority of my peers. What a useless book! What a terribly unlikable and boring character!

Do not buy. Reading the back of a soup can would be more fulfilling.

25 of 27 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Great Cover, Disappointing Contents July 23, 2012

By alexis ho

Format:Hardcover

This memoir was an exercise in self-indulgence and shallow, unsatisfying storytelling (if storytelling is what you want to call it). I was disappointed that the author did not dig deeper into her own psyche and reveal anything original or interesting about either herself or the key players in her life. She skimmed the surface and rushed through moments that would have been more engaging to read about had she stopped for a while to reflect. I so wanted to find something redeeming about this memoir but was angry at myself for buying it simply based on the captivating cover (the best part, unfortunately). I did not like the tone or style or voice of the writer who sounded as if she was rushing to gossip a story to a close friend who had a better picture of who she was and the players at hand. The pace was uneven and the most key elements that would have allowed for natural drama and tension to occur, specifically, her relationship with her husband, Andrew, while she was off having a sordid affair with her guitar teacher, was left unexplored. If you want to read it anyway, wait for the paperback or borrow it from the library. Not worth owning a hardcover.

24 of 27 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars The butt of her own joke July 26, 2012

By Amy Pancake

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book is a horror show - every cliche in the book from nice girl gets turned on by bad boys to poor little rich girl. I'm pretty sure that under "callous" in the dictionary it reads "Jessica Dorfman Jones". It's been forever since I read a slumming story. People mostly avoid publishing them, because they do not qualify as 'memoir' or any other form of literature - I am disappointed that this was published and heavily promoted by any publisher - more proof of the detached state of the upper crust in this country - how could the whole publishing house be this ridiculously out of touch?

And she has the audacity to thank the boyfriend and the ex-husband? Here's $5,000 betting she never had the guts to have them read the book before putting it out. I doubt she even told the boyfriend, whose privacy has been violated to such a level that I wish there was a legal consequence for the author for what she has done to this person.

The author is an ignorant, privileged person getting her kicks out of the real lives of people struggling with addiction and all the problems that creates. She is the epitome of someone whose parents guide them seamlessly through life (and still can't get it together) but has enough extra bandwidth to mock those who have had none of the same advantages or arbitrary privilege. Disgusting. I seriously hope she gets addicted to a devastating drug and then her friends openly mock her as she fights to keep her life together and criticize her for not being sexy during rehab and recovery. The boyfriend is supposedly a loser? Seriously the only loser in the book is the author.