Customer Reviews

Knights Without Armor

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Aaron Kipnis has put into words what I have felt for many years. He says that the "value placed on men's lives, as compared to women's, is greatly depreciated in our culture." It starts with how male infants are treated by their mothers right up to how devalued were the lives of so many men who fought in Vietnam. Had it been women who were dying senseless deaths over there, Kipnis points out, the war would not have lasted near as long.

He tell us in a way that resonates with me that, "Men frequently feel disconnected from an authentic source of aliveness within us." Maybe it is because so many of us have constructed an "heroic personality that is hard, inflexible and, like the armor of old, heavy to drag around."

This book was given to me by a friend who, with me, is a member of The Mankind Project, New Warrior Community, a group that Kipnis talks about in his book. The book has helped me to really understand the obsessive overachieving and workaholism of so many men and how they have numbed their lives and avoided real intimacy with both men and women in their lives, especially their significant others. (In reality, not very significant!)

Kipnis says, "This numbness includes loss of emotional and even physical sensitivity." Men come home and escape into a few beers and the tube or even worse. The price we pay, he says, is pain: isolation, alienation, stressed-induced illnesses, sex and love addictions, codependence (taking care of our women before even thinking of ourselves and being dependent on them for approval), fear and anxiety and God knows how much more.

This is a powerful book and an easy read. It is mesmerizing because it is so damn true and accurate. Kipnis does not stop at describing this devastating phenomenon. He offers up many ways for us to seek healing. He tells women readers that they would do well to listen carefully to what they can do to help the men in their lives starting with their male infants and sons. He encourages us to join men's groups and seek therapy from psychologists who understand the acute losses to the masculine soul and may be wounded healers themselves. He shows us that the spiritual dimension of life is critical for our emotional and mental health and that sharing openly with other men the pain and fear we're experiencing is the beginning of healing.

Kipnis speaks of the "uninitiated male". We in the New Warriors understand him when he says that the uninitiated male has many problems. He quotes another author who says about Shakespeare's Hamlet: He has "no roots in the instinctive world--and he makes only division and tragedy of [the divine and sacred] in us, not paradox and synthesis." Kipnis says, "The narcissistic male, unable to wield the power of the father, cannot generate and protect life or transform the world, only devalue it.---Hamlet retreats into immobility as a defense against the conflicting emotions he feels."

I like the way Kipnis tells the real stories of pain, healing and joy that he and his men's group colleagues experienced. That gives life to the book and helps men and women understand that we can rediscover ways of male initiation and heal the wounds between fathers and sons and between we men and those whom we claim to love but find so it so difficult to do. This book is a must read for every man and still, I realize that only a small fraction of men and their women will read the book and benefit from the wisdom and practical ways of healing found within the book. I am very thankful that The New Warriors have entered my life and made possible a path, a life-long path, of loving myself and following the ways of healing of which Kipnis speaks so eloquently. He makes the masculine soul real.

I have discovered my masculine soul and I am in the process of empowering myself to be vulnerable and open with my brothers so the strange paradoxes of life can be understood and realized, especially, the paradox that the more open and vulnerable I am, the more powerful I am as a man, a spouse, and as a leader. As a personal life coach and leadership consultant, I am grateful that Aaron Kipnis has written this and other books which I can strongly recommend to clients and friends.

Aaron Kipnis offers a comprehensive view of all aspects of the men's movement in this 302-page volume. Inspired by issues raised by members of an addiction/recovery men's group headed by the author, the book looks at various male images. Kipnis critically examines the old masculine values of the "heroic" male as well as those of the newer, sensitive man (what Kipnis calls the "feminized" man), and addresses at length the emerging "authentic, integrated" masculinity inspired by Robert Bly and friends. Intertwined with these accounts are stories and vignettes from men in the group, new knights of the round table on a quest for a new masculine paradigm.

Although the metaphor of the knights seems to get a little corny at times, the book has much to recommend it. This is the first, if not the only, book that globally looks at all facets of the men's movement. Everything from circumsicion, to myth, ritual and initiation, to the politics of male-bashing, is covered. There is an excellent table comparing the masculine images of the heroic, feminized, and integrated man and looking at how these differ along physical, mental, and emotional lines. There is a section on men's resources, with names and addresses of organizations and suggestions on how to get involved. Also, unlike most books on men's issues, this one actually has an index--a refreshing feature indeed!

I read this book in 1992 (?) and it gave me an entirely a new perspective on myself as a white male American. I was so taken that when I got to the end and saw that Aaron invited readers to contact him I did. Consequently I went to Santa Rosa to meet him and ended up not only attending a course he and his partner were giving at Sonoma State but got involved deeply in men's work. I included this and Aaron's other books on the reading list I used for a course I tought on men and women for 13 years. And it led to my writing an essay "Confessions of a Recovering Male" which has been published in several places, including an unauthorized translation into Slovak!

Aaron is real. He speaks from his heart and from a life that has been a challenge for him (as I suspect all men, including myself, find life.)

I am delighted to see that it has been re-issued. Just read it; if you are a woman trying to understand a man, or a man struggling to understand himself or a son/daughter trying to understand your father. The ultimate irony of all this is that I came upon this as Amazon Recommendation #500 something on a day in which I made email contact with Aaron for the first time in many years!

(Although the reviewer line above says I am from Claremont, CA, I emigrated to Tasmania 4 months ago and am now a resident of Hobart, TAS, Australia)

I was turned onto this book through a radio program and it does not disappoint. The book arrived in good condition as promised and arrived on time. It is a little more worn than I was hoping for but still, all the pages are there and it is serving the purpose for the course I am taking.

I understood after reading the book in swedish way I lost contact with my now 14 years old doughter Emelie Finette, living in Westheim/Marsberg. I have seen her for only 6 hours totaly.

I also understood that we parents who wants to have equal rights for the children will have a long way to go yet.

Thanks Aaron for a wounderfull book.

Tommy Jonsson