Alien abductee Jeremy Vaeni takes us on a whirlwind tour of his life and the world around him to illustrate exactly why aliens do not publicly land and greet us with open arms. I Know Why The Aliens Don't Land! is a revelation with laughter. It is what happens when a true outside mystery injects its presence into the cynical mind of Generation X.
Book Description
Editorial Reviews
Review
"[A] wild ride with many curves and loops...fascinating." --Jim Marrs, author of Alien Agenda and Rule By Secrecy
"Vaeni soars and cleaves in the spirit of the finest Giordano Bruno and, that good, may even live to grace the stake of same." --Alfred Lehmberg, Alien Views
"If you're looking for quick answers and a linear narrative, numerous hair raising events, surgical extractions of implants, and analytical discussions on what those little guys are doing invading our homes and bodies, you're going to be disappointed. But if you want a meaningful answer as to what those little guys are doing invading our homes and bodies, you'll get it, as Lt. Colonel Philip Corso would say, if you can take it. Vaeni's style is quirky and engaging, and restlessly jumps from one expositional form to another, making his points in the style he deems best suited for the moment. The spine of the book is the use of an ongoing interview -- a device employed by no less than Aristotle in his Dialogues -- between a 'Norm De Plume' and himself. Beyond this, the book is a kaleidoscope of prose techniques, including news clippings, poems, and both first and third person narratives. Though not born of blogging and the internet, his style suits the blogosphere well -- quick, punchy, and irreverent. We get to know Vaeni in candid -- even explicit -- detail. He engages us quickly. We get to know and care about him, and because of this we are willing to follow down the twists and turns of his story. The payoff of the book is long in coming, and this reader found this distracting. Though enjoined in the author's introduction to not read but to experience the book, I began to find the teasing detours and the crazy quilt of the prose a bit tedious. Hitting Chapter 11 and confronted with the title 'time out for song, poem, story, and ranting' (page 50) I lost patience with it and jumped to the end of the book and skimmed back to find an unwavering discussion on the subject of aliens pick up at Chapter 53, page 310 out of the book's 381. And yet, I went back to read the rest. What at first blush appear to be long digressions on unrelated matters -- his emotionally torturous love life as a high school student and young adult, coming to (and living through the culture shock) of New York City, a very long narrative about his career at Nickelodeon studios and an intensely frustrating affair -- give us context, helps us understand the paradoxical nature of Vaeni's struggles, and adds to the overall ambiance. (I will never be able to think about Nickelodeon as anything other than a corporate political nightmare again.) These same needs could probably have been fulfilled more quickly, and possibly more effectively -- the fiction writer in me would wanted to have seen a more linear narrative, demonstrating the interplay between the personal events of his life and the paranormal ones. One could argue these tangents help exposition the human condition, one of the overall points of the book, but can't help but feel like uncorrelated -- albeit absorbing -- digressions. Despite the book's flaws, it is an engaging book for two reasons Vaeni is an excellent writer. He engages, he plays, he doesn't rest. The vitality of his prose never flags. He has understood the painfully obvious fundamental (and all-too-frequently ignored) rule of writing: a writer's work needs to be interesting. Beyond this, the real strength of I Know Why the Aliens Don't Land! is the personality and personableness of the narrator. It comes through clearly. We know Jeremy Vaeni, we care about him, and because we care about him we forgive him his excesses and listen to his wisdom when he finally offers it." --Daniel Brenton, blogger for The Meaning of Existence (and all that)
"Vaeni soars and cleaves in the spirit of the finest Giordano Bruno and, that good, may even live to grace the stake of same." --Alfred Lehmberg, Alien Views
"If you're looking for quick answers and a linear narrative, numerous hair raising events, surgical extractions of implants, and analytical discussions on what those little guys are doing invading our homes and bodies, you're going to be disappointed. But if you want a meaningful answer as to what those little guys are doing invading our homes and bodies, you'll get it, as Lt. Colonel Philip Corso would say, if you can take it. Vaeni's style is quirky and engaging, and restlessly jumps from one expositional form to another, making his points in the style he deems best suited for the moment. The spine of the book is the use of an ongoing interview -- a device employed by no less than Aristotle in his Dialogues -- between a 'Norm De Plume' and himself. Beyond this, the book is a kaleidoscope of prose techniques, including news clippings, poems, and both first and third person narratives. Though not born of blogging and the internet, his style suits the blogosphere well -- quick, punchy, and irreverent. We get to know Vaeni in candid -- even explicit -- detail. He engages us quickly. We get to know and care about him, and because of this we are willing to follow down the twists and turns of his story. The payoff of the book is long in coming, and this reader found this distracting. Though enjoined in the author's introduction to not read but to experience the book, I began to find the teasing detours and the crazy quilt of the prose a bit tedious. Hitting Chapter 11 and confronted with the title 'time out for song, poem, story, and ranting' (page 50) I lost patience with it and jumped to the end of the book and skimmed back to find an unwavering discussion on the subject of aliens pick up at Chapter 53, page 310 out of the book's 381. And yet, I went back to read the rest. What at first blush appear to be long digressions on unrelated matters -- his emotionally torturous love life as a high school student and young adult, coming to (and living through the culture shock) of New York City, a very long narrative about his career at Nickelodeon studios and an intensely frustrating affair -- give us context, helps us understand the paradoxical nature of Vaeni's struggles, and adds to the overall ambiance. (I will never be able to think about Nickelodeon as anything other than a corporate political nightmare again.) These same needs could probably have been fulfilled more quickly, and possibly more effectively -- the fiction writer in me would wanted to have seen a more linear narrative, demonstrating the interplay between the personal events of his life and the paranormal ones. One could argue these tangents help exposition the human condition, one of the overall points of the book, but can't help but feel like uncorrelated -- albeit absorbing -- digressions. Despite the book's flaws, it is an engaging book for two reasons Vaeni is an excellent writer. He engages, he plays, he doesn't rest. The vitality of his prose never flags. He has understood the painfully obvious fundamental (and all-too-frequently ignored) rule of writing: a writer's work needs to be interesting. Beyond this, the real strength of I Know Why the Aliens Don't Land! is the personality and personableness of the narrator. It comes through clearly. We know Jeremy Vaeni, we care about him, and because we care about him we forgive him his excesses and listen to his wisdom when he finally offers it." --Daniel Brenton, blogger for The Meaning of Existence (and all that)
About the Author
Jeremy Vaeni is the critically acclaimed author of "Urgency." and producer of the documentary, "No One's Watching: An Alien Abductee's Story." He is also co-host of the most influential paranormal/human consciousness podcast out there, Paratopia.
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More About the Author
Jeremy Vaeni is an award-winning writer who has authored two books: "Urgency." and "I Know Why The Aliens Don't Land!" He is also writer/director/producer of the film "No One's Watching: An Alien Abductee's Story," as well as writer/director of the Wholphin DVD short film, "David Huggins: Experienced." When not writing, he is co-hosting a weekly podcast and editing "Paratopia Magazine" for the Paratopia.net multimedia experience. Paratopia is currently in a film developmental deal with acclaimed director Philippe Mora.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
"Hey Mikey! He likes it!",
By EKP (Long Beach, CA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: I Know Why The Aliens Don't Land! (Paperback)
As I read this book, a few things happened.
The first thing was a real enjoyment of the author's voice - his intentionally casual, quick, acrobatic, conversational, yet intimate use of words. It is a gutsy and also gut-wrenching collection of experiences. The second thing was somewhere on page 73, in the middle of Chapter 17. I read with a creeping sense of dread and a resounding gong in my head that was saying "Pay attention. You know this already." What happened was that I closed the book and put it down. I needed to absorb what I already knew but had not heard anyone say before. I had to take a break that lasted about a day before I could plunge back in. That's what happens when I read a good book. The third thing was a flashback to a corporate meeting I attended after the company I used to work for had announced the closing of our office and impending lay offs. The new CEO told us how well the company was doing, how sales were up, how this was an exciting time to be part of the transition as the office was closing and moving out of state. He challenged us to work harder than we ever had to make sure the transition of job responsibilities to the new staff (that would replace us) would be smooth and wonderful. He talked about checking our moral compass. I sat in the back of the room and wondered why nobody said anything. Not that I said anything either, but still. I wondered how I would be paying my rent in a few months. I wondered about his own moral compass, that he could stand up there and issue forth such a speech, and I wondered who had written it for him and how he could sleep at night. The fourth thing I remembered was a party I had been to a few years ago. The ceiling of the kitchen was filled with balloons. As the party progressed, someone got out a black marker and drew happy faces on some of the balloons. I followed suit and started drawing alien faces on them. You know, the big almond shaped black eyes and straight slit of a mouth. People laughed nervously. And then this guy got mad at me and told me I was ruining the party. And then the host of the party got a knife out and popped them. People clapped. Nobody wanted to talk about this later. I wondered why a cartoon face of a mythical and imaginary creature made people fearful and angry and could ruin parties. I mean, they aren't real, right? Right? The other thing I remembered was when this guy I dated for a few months in 1994 said these words to me: "If I wanted a girlfriend, she would be someone just like you. I think I am falling in love with you. I don't think I can see you ever again." And then he called me a few hours later wanting to know if he had done the right thing. To quote Jeremy Vaeni: "Wait... what?" This book will shake a lot of events from your past loose from those dark corners where you have had to bury them so that you can be a grown up and make a life for yourself. It will make you look at them in a new way. Tap into the Saturday mornings of your childhood in front of the TV. Remember your Saturday morning cereal and singing along to the commercials that were as good as the shows you were watching? Tap into your inner Mikey and try it. Not because you'll eat anything. But because you will like it.
5 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Worst book ever written!!!!!!,
By jeannette "booklover" (huntsville, Alabama United States) - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: I Know Why The Aliens Don't Land! (Paperback)
This is not a book. It is a collection of words thrown on paper in an attempt to be clever. It is total trash. My copy is now swimming with the remnants of rain in the bottom of my garbage can. Who did he pay to write the above reviews????
Has no business being listed with books on UFO's
2 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Oh, just buy it and you'll see what I mean.,
By
This review is from: I Know Why The Aliens Don't Land! (Paperback)
"I Know Why the Aliens Don't Land" is a book I didn't really "get" as a whole until a few hours after finishing it. The connection among the autobiographical narrative, the interviews and the interspersed news bulletins eluded me most of the way through but then I decided it doesn't matter. I enjoyed it; laughed and cringed. The starkly honest, insightful and acerbic telling of the author's personal stories strike a difficult-to-achieve balance between humor and sorrow, the inconceivable and the uncomfortably familiar; said another way, a sharp kick right in the old breadbasket. I let the final pages wash over me as I struggled to understand them and, in my own way, I did perfectly.
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Inside This Book
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First Sentence:
Taking a cursory glance around your bedroom, the observer can't help but notice two things: an overabundance of Michael Jackson posters- Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
heart attack number, ego trap, flying cars Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
New York, Crouching Beavis, Michael Jackson, Hidden Butthead, Evil Wenchman, Fat Ass, Human Resources, Jeremy Vaeni, Nickelodeon Promos, The Nuns, Ken Wilber, Los Angeles, Plant Man, The Big Help, Air Force, Asshole Boyfriend, Bald Head-Writer, Car Salesman, Saturday Night Live, Thank God, Wall Street, Ghetto Booty, Green Party, Jon Voight, New Kids On The Block New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Taking a cursory glance around your bedroom, the observer can't help but notice two things: an overabundance of Michael Jackson posters- Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
heart attack number, ego trap, flying cars Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
New York, Crouching Beavis, Michael Jackson, Hidden Butthead, Evil Wenchman, Fat Ass, Human Resources, Jeremy Vaeni, Nickelodeon Promos, The Nuns, Ken Wilber, Los Angeles, Plant Man, The Big Help, Air Force, Asshole Boyfriend, Bald Head-Writer, Car Salesman, Saturday Night Live, Thank God, Wall Street, Ghetto Booty, Green Party, Jon Voight, New Kids On The Block New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Citations (learn more)
This book cites 8
books:
See all 8 books this book cites
- Ice: The Ultimate Disaster: Revised Edition by Richard W. Noone on page 66, and page 67
- Yellow Submarine by The Beatles on page 336
- The Cold War by Richard B. Taylor on page 63
- Who Moved My Cheese?: An A-Mazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life by Spencer Johnson on page 292
- Fingerprints of the Gods by Graham Hancock on page 67
See all 8 books this book cites
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