Customer Reviews

I Know You Really Love Me: A Psychiatrist's Account of Stalking and Obsessive Love

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This is a wonderful book. Extremely well written, Dr. Orion takes us on a horrific journey, while educating us along the way. Using many compelling examples from her own case and others (including some of the more notorious celebrity cases), she proves the point that stalking is not taken seriously enough by both law enforcement and other mental health professionals. Time and again, we learn that when the victim, the victim's family or others entrusted with helping the victim don't take the stalker seriously, at best, the behavior escalates. At worst, it turns deadly! This book should be required reading for law enforcement, judges, prosecutors, and those in the mental health field. It should also be read by anyone who likes a beautifully written thriller!

Being a victim of stalking myself it was a great relief to know that I am not the only one victim of obsessive love. Great book, easy to read, lots of different other people's stories. Dr. Orion sheared her story to help others.

This book blew me away. It is full of important information, not just for stalking victims, but for potential victims as well (ie all of us). But, more than that, this true story reads better than any fiction thriller out there. A friend who had been stalked, and found this book priceless, lent it to me. I could see why it had been so important to her, but even though I had never been stalked, I still found it to be a great read.

One more comment - I read the review below - Dr. Orion's husband was NOT her clinical supervisor. They were just in the same residency program. I'm not sure where this person got that erroneous info, but I just wanted to set that straight, as it would certainly effect the story if it were true, and I might not have read the book if I'd read that review, first.

Having recently befriended a man who is being stalked by a former girlfriend, I found this book very timely. It offers excellent information from both a personal and professional view. It was published in 1997; I understand that awareness and legislation have been increasing exponentially since then. I am grateful to the author for all the energy she poured into her story, and dismayed that she was still being pursued even as the book was published....

I disagree strongly with one statement in the book, from page 224; she quotes Lieutenant John Lane of the LAPD; he says,

"The stalking problem belongs to the victim...."

NO! The problem belongs to the stalker, who created the problem in the first place. The victim unwillingly carries the burden of the problem -- the stalker obviously takes no responsibility for his/her actions.

Other than that horribly erroneous statement, I found the book to be very helpful, although not particularly encouraging -- the average erotomaniac's obsession lasts about ten years....

In a highly readable form, this book very well presents the facts concerning stalking. It would have benefitted from a decent editor (for example, to get rid of inappropriate use of subjunctive, change "led" for "lead,") but overall, I recommend it strongly.
Leah complains that another reviewer mistakenly stated that Tim, Dr. Orion's husband, was her supervisor. It is Leah who is mistaken: on page 102, she explicitly states that they met when he was her resident supervisor and she a medical student.

The author, psychiatrist Doreen Orion, wrote this book to educate others about stalking, especially of the erotomanic variety. Erotomania is best known to most of us through mass media, which reports on those creepy individuals who go around convinced that celebrities are in love with them, married to them, etc. But this kind of stalking also happens to regular folks -- like Orion, whose chance encounter with a psychiatric patient turned into a years-long ordeal, with the patient following her, sneaking into her house, phoning, leaving letters, and even traveling from state to state to maintain unwanted contact with Orion.

Orion recounts her ordeal and intersperses it with information she learned when she applied her psychiatric and research skills to her own predicament. The result is what she intends. Her own experiences cause us to empathize with her, and putting ourselves in her shoes, we can see that being stalked (even by a person unlikely ever to attack one physically) is a harrowing, psychologically draining, altogether awful ordeal. Over and over, Orion ran into people who, never having experienced it, consider such devotion from another no more than a nuisance. Orion proves differently. And her description of the psychological condition of erotomania and the development of laws to counter it are interesting, and deep enough to teach something new even to those with long experience in the medical or criminal justice fields.

On the other hand, Orion's conclusions about what to do with the problem of erotomania seem to directly contradict what she says in her book. After noting again and again that punishment does not stop erotomanic stalkers, she says that maybe if they are punished more, they will stop. Longer imprisonment is probably a good idea, if only because while stalkers are in prison may be the only time their victims get any rest, but Orion's justified anger may be affecting her clinical judgment when she says extra punishment will do anything else.

And this is clearly Orion's first book, and possibly her editor's too. She misspells "aid" as "aide" and "loath" as "loathe," errors a spell-checker can't catch but she or her editor should have, and her writing starts out bland and clumsy. What is remarkable about this is how quickly her writing improves over the course of the book. In the beginning, I was wondering whether I could endure her style long enough to finish, but by the end she had found her voice and I was turning pages frantically.

Even before Orion's writing gels, though, the information she imparts makes her book a worthwhile read. There is more to the "celebrity stalker" type than meets the eye, and there are more of them than we know. Those who work in medicine or the law, especially, need to learn what Orion is teaching.

This book examines one psychiatrist's horrific experience with erotomania, a form of stalking where the pursuers carry a delusion that their victims are in love with them, despite all evidence to the contrary. Whereas most stalkers are consumed with their obsession for their victims, 10% of all stalkers are erotomanic.

Through the course of the book we see the author transform from a naïve young psychiatrist to a seasoned professional, after a routine appointment with a seemingly innocuous female patient escalates into a stalking nightmare from hell. Every aspect of the author's life is eventually invaded, and all interpersonal and legal approaches to discourage the erotomanic prove fruitless. It's not unusual for erotomanics to stalk their prey for eight to ten years, and in this interesting book we get an insider's view of the entire journey.

As a mental health professional, Orion does a good job with a challenging task: Sharing as much information as possible without revealing identifies or breaking the confidentiality of her patients, or in this case, further endangering herself or her loved ones. Such a terrifying experience might have conquered most professionals, and certainly most of the general public, but in writing this book Orion refuses to succumb to the victim mentality. Her selfless sharing of her own experiences provides a valuable opportunity for both professionals and lay persons to learn how to arm themselves against similar invasions.

This is a great book for understanding the dynamics of erotomania from both personal and clinical perspectives. It is also a timeless book, just as pertinent today as it was when it was written. It includes many interesting examples of stalking, and erotomania in particular, involving everyday citizens as well as celebrities. This is recommended reading for anyone wanting to understand stalking in general, and erotomania in particular.

I am someone who has been the victim of harrassment on occassions, even once by a rapist which had led me to sleepless nights, self blame, I could relate to Doreen Orions fears.

I do believe there should be empathy, more understanding and compassion towards the victims of harrassment. Even one time when I went to a police station and told a police officer about my experiences and I asked would I should do if anything happened again in the future. She treated me as though I was misinterperating these guys actions and they were just interested in dating me. Another time I arranged to talk to a police offier over the rapist who was contacting me and she did not seem to care about my worries or concerns for my safety. I felt completely misunderstood and not listened too. The men who stalked me, as far as I've been aware, had not suffered from any kind of mental illness.

But personally, I found Doreen Orion predjudiced and biased towards her stalker who she clearly knows is serverely mentally unwell. She stated she had 'no compassion', 'dispise', 'did not care what happened to her', 'almost hated her' and think she 'deserved to be punished'. This 'Fran' used to be her client. I did not find these type of comments professional, taking into account shes also a psychiatrist.

I think this ill 'Fran Nightingale' who is suffering from a mind controlling illness, should be put in hospital and be given help. If she would continue to stalk individuals then I believe she should be kept there so she receives the professional assistance she needs and is away from the public.

I believe there should be compassion and understanding for both the victims of stalking and the unwell delusional erotomaniacs.

This book scared me. I had no idea stalking was such a frightening, dangerous AND prevalent crime. Most frightening, the legal and justice system doesn't seem to realize that either. Like everyone else, I had assumed stalking was a risk only for celebs. Untrue! It's a risk for all of us. But when it happens, especially to one of the ordinary, the chances are, the police and court system will dismiss the danger, ignore the terror and invasion of privacy the stalker inflicts on his victim. Dr. Orion's book should be read by EVERYONE, especially young women living in cities. A thoroughly researched and documented book. Bravo!

As a therapist, it is one thing to encounter a pathological person. It is something else again, to respond in a pathological fashion. I could not help feeling that the author's overreaction to all that she experienced, could not have helped the situation. As therapists, we are at risk. Less than some professions, far more than others. Her fear and reactions were consistantly unwarrented. I would have like to have seen her get help with her own reactions to a difficult situation!