Customer Reviews

The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (an adventure for 3-6 players, levels 2-5)

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I bought this book because I thought the title was pretty interesting, and I wanted a joke book to keep around and laugh at with my friends. I started reading this book because I thought the cut-out character sheets of all the major characters was a pretty interesting idea, and a different way of reading that I was intrigued by.

I kept reading because, once you get into it, The Kobold Wizard's D---o of Enlightenment +2 is deep. After about a hundred and fifty pages of boners, CM3 drops some really heavy stuff on the reader. Through the endless sex and gore, ( and it is pretty endless, coming from someone's who's unfamiliar with CM3's work or the bizarro genre in general ) there really is a message to be told in this book, and when I finished it, I really began thinking about what Mellick had just laid out. Not only was his world engaging, zany, and surreal, it was also, in some odd way, really applicable to the real world, and to life in general. If you take TKWDOE+2 seriously, it really has some philosophy to it there at the end. You just have to wade through a see of elf-breasts, perverted sex, and boners to get to it. But, as I found out, it was completely worth it and was an altogether extremely satisfying read.

And to all those people complaining that 'it's not representative of DND', of course it's not, you silly, uptight square. It's not supposed to be DND. It's supposed to be a horny thirteen year old's interpretation of what DND is supposed to be. And as a former horny thirteen year old DND player, I have to say that some of me and my friends roleplaying sessions did play out in a similar fashion as this book. I remember rolling saving throws against cheap hookers to see if I caught an STD when I had sex with them. Albeit, some of the scenes in the book are more graphic than my memories, but in all honesty, the kids in the story are a lot sadder than me and my friends were. The people who make this claim either started playing DND way too late to understand where the author is coming from, or they had the ironclad logical willpower of Buzz Jensen during all their younger sessions.

All in all, I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants a laugh, and something to think about. I know I spat out the hot tea I was drinking as I read this story more than once in hilarity. And some of the parts near the end were sad, too. And enthralling. I will definitely be buying more of Carlton Mellick III's books in the near future, and am looking forward to a very healthy, consensual relationship with the bizarro genre.

I've never played D&D. I actually had no idea what either D stood for until about a year ago. So I'm sure some of the parody was lost on me. But I'm a huge fan of Carlton Mellick III's other work so I knew I had to check this one out. One of the great things about Mellick's writing is that it sucks you in immediately and doesn't let go until it's over. The same was true of Kobold Wizard. As absurd and raunchy as the title and cover indicate, the story was also funny and engaging, and the adventure so archetypal that I wasn't lost, even amidst all of the elf-sex and Halfling violation. This is not my favorite book by Carlton Mellick but it certainly delivered on its promises and I'm glad I read it.

This book is enormously entertaining, funny, and enjoyable. It is obvious that Mellick has a genuine understanding of, and affection for role-playing games and the people who play them.

In a nutshell, the plot describes a group of fictional characters in a fantasy role-playing game who have become aware of their fictional existence, and must struggle to free themselves from the whims of their players.

The story takes place on two levels; a group of undersexed, maladjusted teen players, and the fictional characters they have invented to represent them within the game itself. This proves to be an excellent device for character development, as the fictional characters serve to illustrate the wish fulfillment fantasies as well as the insecurities of the players. There are other interesting parallels; As adolescents, the players are in many ways living lives controlled by authority figures, occupying prescribed roles just as their fictional characters are. At its best moments, the novel briefly touches on issues of free will and existentialism, albeit in a delightfully immature way.

In a further clever touch, the book comes complete with all the maps, diagrams, character sheets, and doodles in the margins you would expect to find in a role-playing game.

I am a fan of Mr Mellick's work since getting my paws of the Baby Jesus Butt Plug in 2010. In this inspired book he shifts gears from holy suppositories to Dungeons and Dragons a much safer topic huh....NOPE!

The story is about a group of characters who find out they are controlled by a group of horny teens who have no lives. Here is where the story gets its Charlie Kauffman esque charm. The characters decide to rebel against their masters and make them pay for their torture. In the mix is some brutal and explicit sex, blood, and gore all done to perfection by Mr Mellick.

In this book you kinda feel for the characters something rare in many genres of fiction and it is why this book is top on my list!

So get ready to play some D&D Bizarro style. Have fun!

This was a book that took me back to my role-playing days of Nintendo and Super Nintendo. Although this book centers on the D&D role-playing that's what it did for me since I wasn't that involved in the game but loved RPG's. Either way this book takes you back to some nostalgic role-playing goodness. This book revels in the fact that the dungeon master is a hyper horndog that tries to include sex at any and every turn in the D&D world. The book includes stats and sheets for each player and also has sketches of the dungeons and also you can keep track of each players progress and also see where their HP is at and other fun stat keeping as well. Again this book takes you back to a time of teenage awkwardness and acne. Great fun and a must read of CM3 fans and D&D fans alike!

The Kobold Wizard's D*ldo of Enlightenment +2
Carlton Mellick III
Eraserhead Press
232 pages

This book leaped out at me and screamed "Buy Me" in a super-sonic font made of Cheese-Whiz and neon lights. I had to get it, I spent so many weekends of my youth playing D&D and Gamma World that it is a wonder I ever met a girl at all.
This book is about the lives of a set of junior high school gamers who meet up and play Dungeons and Dragons whenever they can. They play a set of characters that honestly, I swear I have sat down and gamed with myself.
The super nerdy group is run by a wheel chair bound boy named Aaron Donnelly who created the world as Dungeon Master of the players.
The Polo Pipe-Fingers the Halfling is the main player who sort of narrates the story to us as we go along. It seems that he had been violated by an artifact and made aware of his state. This of course leads to a ton of trouble and some self-realization that frankly becomes quite charming toward the end of the book.
This story slings you head first into the awkward teen-aged action and out right silliness right from the start and the characters becomes more involved in a fight to free themselves than they do following the directives of their players. I absolutely love the story, it makes me want to get out the old books and roll some dice myself.
Thank you Carlton, you have done a great thing. Please as always, give us more.

T. Patrick Rooney,
Author of Bakemono
06-24-2011

Carlton Mellick III is amazing.

If you've ever played D&D this is going to crack you up. It's like you're 13 again, hanging out with your nerdy friends, WISHING that girls would talk to you and using your group fantasy world to express your repressed desires. These kids are ridiculously obsessed with sex, and hilariously into D&D.

And their poor characters have become self-aware. They realize they are characters in this sexed-up fantasy game. And they want out. Plagued by the weird whims of their pubescent masters, hilarity and frustration ensue.

Mr. Mellick says some great things about who's controlling who. As I'm learning about his writing, he really touches on deep, thought-provoking subjects in such a fun, fantastic way, that you see he knows what's going on out there, and it's sorta hilarious to him.

This book has character sheets! Ridiculous ones. And art!

I love this book. I'll probably read it again soon. It's weird, fun, and over-the-top awesome, while saying something about the world we live in.

I recommend this book!

This is my second favorite Mellick novel. It's so much fun. It's about a group of fantasy characters that come to find that they are just D&D characters and that their lives are being controlled by a bunch of perverted teenage nerds.
The characters in the book are Mellicks best. Each one of them is unbelievably loveable and hilarious and completely realized. Theres a scene where one of the nerdy teens gets to meet the character he had created. The scene almost had me weeping it was so sweet.
The packaging of the novel is also amazing. It is made to look like an actual D&D book. There are character sheets and everything. I never actually got that into D&D but I thought the book was genius.

First off let me start by saying that I am NOT a Dungeons and Dragons player. I know absolutely nothing about the game, or really any other Role Playing Games, besides what the average person would probably know.

Did that hamper my enjoyment of this book? Absolutely NOT!!

I assume that people who play D&D or RPGs would probably get more out of it, but it didn't get in the way of ME enjoying it, and I'm sure that will be the same for others. This is a piece of work that is able to stand on its own.

And GOD what a piece of work it is!

The characters in the D&D game/book use (well, maybe 'use' isn't the best word, as it was very much against their will), the eponymous I>ildo of Enlightenment- which makes them realize their true natures. In this case that means realizing that they are the poorly planned characters in an Role Playing Game run by horny nerdy teenagers.

The book is brilliant. And retarded. COMPLETELY one of the stupidest things I've EVER read, but the author even says that in his introduction. Saying that this book is stupid is not a strike against it- no, it's one of the book's best qualities. Insanely hilarious retarded creative weirdness. If you want serious literature, don't buy a book with d:ildo in the title. If you were intrigued by the title and just had to click on it, you're not going to be disappointed. I sure wasn't.

This is one of the funniest books that I've read in a while, and I've read some real doozies. It's definitely my new favorite Bizarro comedy, and anyone fans of Bizarro needs to pick this up right away. D&D fans with a sense of humor- it belongs on your shelves too. Every bit of this book- from the title, to the story, to the character sheets and maps hand-drawn by Mellick- demands that it be bought and studied as a freak of fiction. We need more books like this. While waiting though, I think I'll just read this one again.

As a long time player of pen and paper RPGs and as one who appreciates odd humor and satire, I could not pass up giving this book a read. The core concept - gaming characters coming to realize that they're simply characters in a game played by lame 14 year old kids - is quite brilliant with a lot of potential. Unfortunately the potential is wasted with this author.

Too little attention is paid to the players of the game. Each character's player is introduced in turn, and the reader is told how that player's personality influences the character. Once that is done, the player-character relationship is only briefly touched upon again, if ever. It's adequate, but a wasted opportunity. More time should have been spent here, exploring how events in someone's life could affect how they might act in a fantasy setting.

That said, the author does a great job describing the players. These are kids that you knew or, perhaps, knew OF but never talked to. They become very real in a short amount of time and it is a shame that so little attention is paid to them. Stereotypes are heavily used which is disappointing, but even so - you will read about the kids and think to yourself, "When I was in school I knew a kid just like that!"

While the book uses sexual content in a satirical manner - and it is appropriate, given the context - it comes across as being too much. Yes, we get the idea that the players and the DM are all adolescent kids. It doesn't need to be pushed on nearly every page.

The ending was a bit short and abrupt, not quite as satisfying as it could have been, but good enough.

As a whole the writing felt sloppy, as if I were reading a draft more than a finished product. Some of the sentence structures are awkward and the dialogue doesn't flow as well as it could.

I can recommend this book to anyone who has been involved with PnP RPGs and isn't easily offended. I cannot stress not being easily offended enough; this is not the book to give to your grandmother (unless she's awesome). Dildos, chairs made of living asses, cross-species rape - all of that and more is waiting for you.

I don't recommend this book for anyone who has never touched a PnP RPG. The gaming jokes are one of the few things that make the book readable and worth finishing. Also, I believe that many people would find it difficult to relate to the overall subject matter in general.