Customer Reviews

Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Note: This is not a book about the actual techniques of sex, but deals with your most powerful sexual organ - your mind.....as he quotes Ann Aldrich, "If the psyche is unwilling, no amount of technique can persuade it; and if the psyche is willing, no lack of technique can dissuade it."

This book is about more than Sex, it is about relationships - married and single - religious or not. I am so glad that I did not let the things that I disagree about with Shmuley Boteach to keep me from reading this book. He is a Chasidic Rabbi (Chasidic is Orthodox, but what some incorrectly call "Ultra Orthodox"), though he doesn't really sound like what one might expect (if you are worried about that). Both my husband and I read it and I can't believe what a change it has caused in our lives! We are observant Jews and so we keep the Jewish laws pertaining to family purity which are very rewarding, but this book added insight that was very useful for us. My husband has become more expressive of his affections, we've grown closer together and even our lovemaking is more intimate and enjoyable than ever.

This book isn't only for Jews, but is extremely accessible and candid - and never offensive. He doesn't get into intimate details of the bedroom that one might be embarrassed by. His ideas are very well reasoned and come across as very thoughtful. I found it a thoroughly useful and fascinating book. Most chapters are around 5 pages long. Some shorter, some longer, but they get right to the point and don't go on and on. My attention was sustained throughout. I read a lot of books and am rarely really impressed (especially by books on sex and marriage) and don't recommend books to my friends that often, but this one I've already started recommending. This covers things that my other books on Sex and Marriage (Jewish, Christian or Secular) don't touch or just don't know how to deal with.

BTW, a reviewer said that he doesn't advocate anything other than the missionary position and not things like having the light on. I did not see anything of the sort in this book, but I know that it is a widely believed myth that Orthodox believe that way. Boteach even advocates sex toys if they are supportive of your relationship. So don't worry that you are going to be told what to do. He presents reasons why he doesn't like pornography and masterbation but he isn't preachy.

Because this book isn't only about sex as the physical act itself I think I aught to give you an idea of the Table of Contents. Part one is "Sex File" with the chapters called, "Lust and Commitment", "Sex and Doing What's Expected", "The Myth of Compatibility", "Sex and Traditional Thought", and "Love, Lust, and Intimacy".

Part Two is "Sexual Techniques: The Mechanics of Sex" with chapters called, "Can Men and Women Really Enjoy Sex Together?", "Is There a Kosher Kama Sutra?", "Your Spouse: A Friend or Lover?", "Is Oral Sex Wrong?", "Married People and Masturbation", "Should Sex Be Used to Mend Bridges?", "Sex, When to Refuse It", "Does Size Matter?", "What about Pornography?", "Lights, On or Off", "Is Prostitution a Safe Option?", "Sadomasochism", and "Orthodox Sex, a Hole in a Sheet?"

Part Three is "Sex for Single People" with chapters called, "Do Singe People Have More Fun?", "Is Marriage a Mere Symbol?", "Career or Marriage?", "Holding Out for the Best", "Choosing a Spouse", What If You Drive Each Other Crazy?", "Why Should We Marry At All?", "Marriage, a Relationship Based on Fragility", and "Why Parental Love Ceases to be Sufficient."

Part Four is "Marriage and Divorce" with chapters called, "Is Divorce Ever a Good Thing?", "Your Spouse's Impossible Flaws", "Adultery, Such Fun?", "Becoming Desirable Again", "Kosher Desires", "Children, Yes or No?", "Do the Children Come First?"

Part Five is "Kosher Sex: A Recipe" with chapters called, "Jealousy", "Mystery", "Romance", "Depth", and "Friends and Family".

The last part is called "The Final Word" with parts called, "Climbing the Mountain", "Checklist for Marriage", and "Kosher Sex in a Nutshell".

I can't believe how long it took me to finally get around to reading this superb book (is there a ranking higher than five stars). On a semi-long flight, I'd almost finished it off in one sitting, but I hesitated, not wanting to gobble it up in one go. It was precious, meant to be savoured, and absorbed very slowly into the bloodstream.

I'd been meaning to read Rabbi Boteach's books for over five years now, ever since I heard Rabbi Boteach go toe-to-toe intellectually with Larry King (someone else whom I respect highly). Despite the long wait, I wasn't disappointed.

Look, again (as I've said in numerous other spots in my Reviews), I'm not going to tell you what's inside this book. I don't have to, seeing as I'm positive the countless other reviews which you can find here under this listing describe the outline of this book thoroughly, and people have gone into the specifics of what to find inside. I don't wish to repeat what may already be here, and I imagine that I won't do as good of a job as they have -- admittedly, I haven't had a chance to read all of the reviews either. I'm going to laud the high quality of the reviews which I generally find here, and make the necessary presumption.

I think all of us who pick up books like KOSHER SEX are essentially seeking answers. Answers to the things which may have troubled us with our relationships in the past, and we're seeking advice on how to place less of a personal emphasis on meaningless sexual encounters, or the constant state of one-upmanship we play with ourselves in our minds, rationalizing the corrosive things we might do sexually. We need to begin to see the harm it inevitably causes us, our selves, and Boteach points out a way. Not *the* way, but *a* way.

I had many blessed "eureka" moments in reading his narrative, when my simply jaw dropped, saying things aloud like: "That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!" or "So I'm *not* the only person who feels this way?!" Reassuring in the extreme...

Ultimately, my aim has been to learn to become a better father, husand, lover, and partner. While there isn't ONE single book that encapsulates the skills required to do so, I'd have to say in the breadth of titles I've already read on the subject (Jewish, non-Jewish, and everything else in between), this one ranks rather highly up there. In a nation (the US) which seems to pride itself on its soaring (over 50%) divorce rate, books like Boteach's just *scream* out to be read. There is something dreadfully wrong in society in which sexuality is a commodity, and in which -- as Boteach notes -- there is little difference today between the genders which essentially levels the playing field (one advantage), but to the deteriment of the family unit (an even greater disadvantage).

I found myself dog-earing pages and note-taking during my read, something I generally avoid doing as it disrupts my flow. But like I said, Boteach's lines just pulled me in.

Five-stars. Because of this, I'd now like to read the rest of Boteach's books. The time has come.

From page one, this book's inspirational idealism soars off the page and into your heart! Love, says Boteach, gives us vision - love makes it possible for us to see how each individual person really is special. At the same time, says Boteach, the way to cultivate love is to show those we love how truly special they are to us. In marriage, one way to show love is to save our sexual energy for our spouse alone. For sex has a special role in cultivating love. If we open ourselves to the magic of eros, we come to know our partners' essential selves. For during sex, words, wealth, professional success, fashion sense, you name it, are all irrelevant.

I would quibble with many of the details that emerge in Boteach's case studies, for (1) his perspective is definitely a masculine one and (2) he believes too strongly that committed sex will lead to love and that love almost always will solve serious marital problems.

But if you read the book in order to be set afire by its main point, and don't take it as a step by step manual for marriage, it's a GREAT read. Its magic stuck with me for weeks.

This is a must read for all men, the younger you are when you read this, the happier you will be. This book helped me to reflect on my own life and articulate more clearly to myself and my wife the importance of our sex life. Men are taught early own that sex is all about pleasure and gratification. With this limited view, we are often left wanting more and more, never feeling satisfied.

This book by Shmuley Boteach, probably one of the world's best known Hasidic rabbis, is fascinating, entertaining and educating at the same time - also for those who, like myself, are not Jewish. It is very easily readable for anyone, filled with rythm at all times. For those of you who have seen the author speaking or debating (indeed, he has won several prizes as a wonderful debater and preacher), just think: as you read the book, you can virtually figure him talking and speaking, shouting and questioning, attacking and defending views... You will read it within 3 or 4 hours without putting it down !

i am a huge fan of the Rabbi but i felt let down and even somewhat betrayed by this book. the notion that one should STAY with an abusive man b/c one is married to him i find repugnant. verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, it matters not. and the devastating effects this will have on your child is most certainly of dire consequence. the Rabbi paeans for a time when all marriages are perfect fairy tales, for when his own parents were not divorced, and wistfully describes the idealization of having a united family--WITH NO IDEA OF WHAT IT IS LIKE to live in a violent, terrifying home watching one parent abuse another or both your parents abuse each other... the horror of listening to the screaming fights, the foul and filthy unholy language, the terrifying threats, the destructive criticism, the shame of bearing your secret and not being able to let other children play at your house or your teachers know how you live... not to mention the total lack of empathy for you, the child, or hope coming from either one the two most important role models in your life--your own mother and father-- is never mentioned. instead, women are ENCOURAGED to wait out an abusive man to "prove" their loyalty--and i suppose men in this situation are to do likewise. i wonder if schmuley would ever have BECOME a Rabbi if he had been forced to endure this type of family home and his parents had not had the wisdom to divorce one another and spare their child this torture. most children, esp. boys, who witness parental abuse remodel it in their own marriages. and he has the nerve to advocate indulging a bully or a loveless, absent spouse. i cannot abide by this. divorce is certainly not a wonderful invention, but to any terrified child who kneeled on their parents' kitchen floor and prayed for them to leave one another as the dishes flew and broke around their heads and the screaming escalated to the point that neighbors called the authorities i say FOR SHAME. this type of black and white thinking keeps our society in the dark ages and does UNTOLD DAMAGE. i loved the TLC documentary series "shalom in the home", i have enjoyed the author's other books, and i have great respect for my religious leaders, but i felt abandoned and betrayed by this advice. no person should endure an unloving, empty relationship just b/c they made a mistake in selecting a mate. ridiculous.

As a religious Jew, it is very difficult to find anyone who is prepared to tackle sexual issues openly and frankly. It has been an absolute breath of fresh air for me to read this book, and get practical advice on the sexual aspect of my marriage.

I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone, but especially to any other observant Orthodox Jews like myself, who need to be able to confront these issues within the "daled amos" of halacha.

The book is a great combination of traditional Jewish view on relationship (and sex of course) and modern psychology. It is definitely worth the time and money, especially if you are young and/or married. Nevertheless, if you are above 30, single and beyond many relationships, it may be very difficult to make the necessary changes suggested by Mr. Boteach (in a very entertaining style), and you may be better off with his second book on Kosher Sex. Either way, your horizon will be wider.

I loved this book! I was expecting something a little racey, but was pleasantly surprised by the tasteful beautiful way Rabbi Shmuley presents relationships between you and your mate. I remember being in tears reading the first few chapters when I realized that my husband shows love in completely different ways that I never interpreted as such. I think every married couple needs this as a reminder of why they love each other.

Although I had to order this book on-line from an English bookseller (and pay overseas shipping), it was worth it. Rabbi Boteach is Orthodox, and frank discussions about sex and intimacy are not something most people associate with Orthodox Judaism; yet there's much information on the subject in the 3,300-years-old Jewish tradition, a lot of it is covered in this book, and some may surprise you. My only complaint is that more could have been included. (And no, he doesn't advocate modest clothing, or any kind of clothing, *in bed*.)