Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bible! [Paperback]

Jonathan Goldstein (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 31, 2009

A hilarious re-imagining of the heroes of the Old Testament for a modern world-and the neurotic, demanding reader.

In the beginning...there was humor.

Sure, it-s the foundation for much of Western morality and the cornerstone of world literature. But let-s face it: the Bible always needed punching up. Plus, it raised quite a few questions that a modern world refuses to ignore any longer: wouldn-t it be boring to live inside a whale? How did Joseph explain Mary-s pregnancy to the guys at work? Who exactly was the megalomaniacal foreman who oversaw the construction of the Tower of Babel? And honestly, what was Cain-s problem?

In Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bible!, Jonathan Goldstein re-imagines and recasts the Bible-s greatest heroes with depth, wit, and snappy dialogue. This is the Bible populated by angry loners, hypochondriacs, and reluctant prophets who fear for their sanity. Basically, a Bible that readers can finally, genuinely relate to.

--This text refers to the Kindle Edition edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Several Bible stories get a rewrite in this funny collection by This American Life contributing editor Goldstein (Lenny Bruce Is Dead). In this version, David kills Goliath not so much for his people as for laughs, and Jonah's lesser-known brother Vito fears that God's hand in Jonah's stint inside the whale has less to do with Jonah than Vito's own role in a youthful penis-touching incident. In My Troubles (A Work in Progress, by Joseph of N—), a worried father-to-be deals with the ambiguities of having one's wife knocked up by an angel. The voices of these stories sound like that of the semiobservant Jew in the book's preface, who describes one of God's failed universes as consisting of just one person—a man named Morris who sat in a room by himself, trying to decide whether to cuff his pants or let them drag. With refashioned language and reimagined motivations, Goldstein's biblical characters evoke the kind of touching truths only found at the bottom of deep barrel laughs. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

The deeply religious might be offended by This American Life contributor Goldstein’s often-raucous reimaginings of Old Testament tales. But the less devout may find themselves chuckling at the unholy hilarity of it all. Here readers find Adam and Eve talking to God after being banished from the Garden of Eden: “We get it,” they screamed. “You’ve made your point. Now let us back in already.” A misanthropic Noah hears a voice (inside his nose, no less) telling him to build an ark. An enterprising man operates a “Golden Calf” business to compete with the Almighty, marketing the bovine as a “more laid-back, cud-chewing lord.” Swarthy Samson, who’s been shacking up with foxy Philistine Delilah, threatens a mortal enemy: “I will make Jewish his penis with my teeth.” After killing Goliath, an unsatisfied David finds that all he really wants to do is to make people laugh. Even God gets a dressing-down in a brave new biblical world that’s part parable, part vaudeville: “He was . . . tough, stubborn, and prone to yelling in your face for pretty much no reason.” --Allison Block --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: New York, Riverhead Books, [ (March 31, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0143056549
• ISBN-13: 978-0143056546
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,493,648 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Hysterically Funny Preface, November 4, 2009

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E. Samuels "Book lover" (New York, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible! (Paperback)

I had incredibly high hopes after reading this book's hysterically funny preface. Unfortunately, the rest of the book did not come close to the preface in either its wit or its descriptive power. The concept of writing the backstory for specific tales from the Bible is a great one, and some of the stories in this book do live up to the challenge and are entertaining, but many of the stories barely scratch the surface of the originals and just seem silly rather than creative. On the positive side, the preface is so funny that it makes reading the book worthwhile.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Starts off strong, February 7, 2010

By 

The Yeah (Oakland, CA United States) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible! (Paperback)

I had heard the author reading the Adam and Eve story on NPR, which I thought was wonderful. It was a whole different take on the Biblical characters, and was a fascinating (and funny) imagining of their respective characters and motives...making 3-D people out of the relatively flat and familiar Bible characters. And the first half of the book is very much like that and highly recommended (also great to read at the same time as R. Crumb's illustrated version of Genesis).

But then it runs out of steam, and gets too far away from the source material. King David is made into a sort of failed Shecky Greene wanna-be comedian, and it's more of just a superimposition of flat Jewish stereotypes onto Biblical characters. It has little flashes of brilliance, such as the following passage (thoughts of David): "Gone are the carefree days of slaying giants. As you get older you strip away the things you don't have time for, and then you are left only with things you have time for. Your life gets skinnier and skinnier until you wonder why you go on. You go on because there are things that must get done. You become no longer a person so much as a place, an unfunny place where things come to get done." Unfortunately, they're sandwiched between thick layers of schtick.

Of course, humor is in the eye and ear of the beholder. If you're a deep Catskills devotee, then you may get a lot out of the second half. In my eye, the first half is worth the price of admission.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Jonathan Goldstein is my Best Friend (call me), January 21, 2011

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DanWantsIn - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible! (Paperback)

This book is hilarious, and very cleverly-written. Everyone should read it.

Jonathan Goldstein is my best friend (call me).