Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible! (Paperback)

~ (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Several Bible stories get a rewrite in this funny collection by This American Life contributing editor Goldstein (Lenny Bruce Is Dead). In this version, David kills Goliath not so much for his people as for laughs, and Jonah's lesser-known brother Vito fears that God's hand in Jonah's stint inside the whale has less to do with Jonah than Vito's own role in a youthful penis-touching incident. In My Troubles (A Work in Progress, by Joseph of N—), a worried father-to-be deals with the ambiguities of having one's wife knocked up by an angel. The voices of these stories sound like that of the semiobservant Jew in the book's preface, who describes one of God's failed universes as consisting of just one person—a man named Morris who sat in a room by himself, trying to decide whether to cuff his pants or let them drag. With refashioned language and reimagined motivations, Goldstein's biblical characters evoke the kind of touching truths only found at the bottom of deep barrel laughs. (Apr.)
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From Booklist

The deeply religious might be offended by This American Life contributor Goldstein’s often-raucous reimaginings of Old Testament tales. But the less devout may find themselves chuckling at the unholy hilarity of it all. Here readers find Adam and Eve talking to God after being banished from the Garden of Eden: “We get it,” they screamed. “You’ve made your point. Now let us back in already.” A misanthropic Noah hears a voice (inside his nose, no less) telling him to build an ark. An enterprising man operates a “Golden Calf” business to compete with the Almighty, marketing the bovine as a “more laid-back, cud-chewing lord.” Swarthy Samson, who’s been shacking up with foxy Philistine Delilah, threatens a mortal enemy: “I will make Jewish his penis with my teeth.” After killing Goliath, an unsatisfied David finds that all he really wants to do is to make people laugh. Even God gets a dressing-down in a brave new biblical world that’s part parable, part vaudeville: “He was . . . tough, stubborn, and prone to yelling in your face for pretty much no reason.” --Allison Block

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Riverhead Trade; 1 edition (April 7, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1594483671
• ISBN-13: 978-1594483677
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #425,989 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3.0 out of 5 stars Hysterically Funny Preface, November 4, 2009

By	E. Samuels "Book lover" (New York, NY) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible! (Paperback)

I had incredibly high hopes after reading this book's hysterically funny preface. Unfortunately, the rest of the book did not come close to the preface in either its wit or its descriptive power. The concept of writing the backstory for specific tales from the Bible is a great one, and some of the stories in this book do live up to the challenge and are entertaining, but many of the stories barely scratch the surface of the originals and just seem silly rather than creative. On the positive side, the preface is so funny that it makes reading the book worthwhile.

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Greatest Stories, as Never Told, July 26, 2009

By	Sacramento Book Review "SacramentoBookReview.com" (Sacramento, CA) - See all my reviews

//Ladies and Gentleman, The Bible!// is a great take on the familiar stories from the Bible, focusing mainly on the Old Testament, with one brief foray into the New with the witty "My Troubles: A Work in Progress, by Joseph of N--." Jonathan Goldstein makes the point that the Bible may be "the greatest story ever told," but it definitely could use some jazzing up. //...The Bible!// does that jazzing, taking a few unexpected viewpoints on the standards and Sunday School stories we all grew up with. Goldstein treads into questions like, "Who ever thought that Jonah might have embellished his whale tale a little?"

This satirical, yet gentle book is not for the crowd that views Biblical stories to be the literal truth, but it is an enjoyable treat for those that can enjoy a little exploration in the form of short stories that will make you laugh and think "What if..." at the same time. //Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible!// is an easy and pleasant read, just long enough to leave you wanting more of Goldstein's witty approach to the Bible.

Reviewed by
Michelle Stulberger

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hipster Midrashim, July 12, 2009

By	Arthur Gershman "the thirteen petalled rose" (Alexandria, VA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

My 23 year old son turned me on to "Wiretap," the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) radio humor program of the author, Jonathan Goldstein (if that is your real name, Jonny).
On Goldstein's radio program, fantasy is blended with reality in such a fashion as to make you question everything you hear.
In the book, "Ladies & Gentlemen: The Bible," Goldstein offers his midrashim, or stories about stories in the Jewish Bible, from the viewpoint of the modern-day hipster.
They are refreshing in their novel take on familiar tales and sensitive in the way Goldstein showcases his personality on the radio.
Further, they are believable because of their adherence to the Torah text.
The only disappointment is that there is little or no material which has not been aired on the CBC. But this drawback is not sufficient to dock him a single star.
Well done, Jonathan, and write on!