Customer Reviews

Lady Magdalene's

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(18)

 

 

the number of people of asian descent in the united states is 1 in 9 people. in the sex industry it is even higher. yet nowhere in this movie is there a solitary asian man woman or child. this is clearly a discriminatory choice by the film makers. typical racist white hollywood. the only two african american characters are a brothel madam and a gambling dead man. no native americans. no asians. no homosexuals or lesbians. no, all we have are the stereotypical muslim terrorists and the white jewish hero and heroine. lucky for the film makers the film is so bad it never became popular enough to warrant the complaints it so surely deserves

The title is not catchy. It is not attention grabbing. It is vague and not descriptive of the film. Okay, there is a brothel call Lady Magdalene's, but the film is not about an brothel. If it was, well then I'd understand the title. But the brothel gets a very brief look in and not a very accyrate or compelling one at that.

This film is actually about a terrorist plot to attack Hoover Dam, I think. Why I am not sure is because the film itself is not sure. A confused and erratic mess is the best way to describe the plot.

I was trying to enjoy it. I really was. But it got the better of me. Too long. Too confused. Too bad

I feel sorry for this beautiful and iconic actress having to stoop to this sort of rubbish. At least she can sing, I suppose. That was a plus. The rest of it was pure trash.

A tip for the film maker. When you are going to cast women as prostitutes, do try and ensure they are attractive.

Amazing, astounding, bewildering, breathtaking, extraordinary,
impressive, marvelous, miraculous, spectacular, staggering, startling,
striking, stunning, stupefying, stupendous, wonderful, wondrous,
astonishing, awe-inspiring, awesome, exciting, hair-raising,
heart-stirring, impressive, magnificent, moving, overwhelming,
spine-tingling, stunning, thrilling, boss, curious, darb, exceptional,
fab, fantastic, flash, gnarly, heavy, inconceivable, incredible, odd,
outstanding, particular, peculiar, phenomenal, primo, rare, remarkable,
singular, special, strange, stupendous, surprising, terrific, uncommon,
unfamiliar, unheard-of, unimaginable, unique, unprecedented,
unthinkable, unusual, weird, wicked, arousing.

These words quickly crossed my mind after the first 4 minutes of this
ground-breaking, genre-busting feast for the senses.

The way this film opened with the immensely suspenseful scene featuring
the pretty blond woman and the reptilian monster, (drinking the evil
elixir), immediately grabbed my attention and it didn't let go. J Neil
Schulman then innovatively broke the fourth-wall at the end of this
scene, with a direct appeal to his audience to have a "Blast" watching
his film and also to not "FORGET" the masterpiece they are about to
experience, by imploring them to concentrate and upgrade their memory
no less than 3 times. This left me exhausted with excitement and
anticipation. So much so, I tried to call J Neil Schulman on the phone
number that he subliminally flashed up on screen, to congratulate him
on such a brilliant first scene. Unfortunately he wasn't there.
Unusually, the girl (who I presumed to be his secretary), then tried to
sell me sexual dysfunction pills. I bought 14 bottles.

The rest of the film never quite reaches the heights achieved in the
blonde lady/lizard man scene, but it is still better than anything else
you will see this or any other year. The casting is sublime. All the
actors and actresses are obvious masters of their craft, in particular
the Elvis impersonator in the buffet song featured in the end credits.
I really thought he WAS Elvis.

J Neil Schulman was the best actor in the film, (of course). He FILLED
the screen with his presence. His performance was HUGE and FAT with
subtle nuances and charisma. He gave immense WEIGHT to the character of
Alistair, plus he was VORACIOUS in his CONSUMPTION of the viewer's
attention. J Neil Schulman DINED OUT on the masterful script and GORGED
the lines on offer. Never has an actor shown so much GUTS on screen. A
masterful performance.

We must also mention the superb writing in this film. An IRS agent
working for the Federal Air Marshals inspects a Muslim man and gets in
trouble so they send him to a brothel full of wonderful whores and a
linebacker who are also actresses, plus Uhura, in Pahrump. Here he
then, by an amazing coincidence, sees the same Muslim man from before
who then kills one of the whores (but unfortunately not the linebacker)
and then visits Hoover Dam to take an exciting ride down a long rope.
The IRS agent then goes to a hospital, with Uhura and the surviving
whores and the linebacker, where he shoots J Neil Schulman with a
ketchup bottle and speaks to Cat Stevens. Uhura then shoots the Muslim
man with a small gun ( which she had kept it hidden in her pink velvet
pouch) and the whores lurk around looking gorgeous whilst showing off
their exquisite acting abilities and some schmoo. They then go to a
buffet restaurant and take the last fried drumstick before Elvis gets
to it, (because Elvis has a cholesterol problem and needs to cut back).

All in all this is the greatest film I have ever seen in my entire life
and it therefore is #1 in my eyes! Accordingly, I just went and gave it
a vote of 1, because its #1!!!

HOORAY for J Neil Schulman. Without him my life would be a tiny bit
less full than it already is. He entertains like few men before him and
I am so so happy I discovered his wonderful talents and his endless
ability to entertain.

J Neil Schulman is the best. I mean that in all sincerity

Jimmy Smith, Rockaway Beach, USA

This is America and the last time I looked, free speech is part of the constitution!

Anyways, like I said last time, I saw this a week or two ago on local Nevada TV and although it was cute to see some local people and sites, the film itself was terrible. I was actually a little embarrassed watching it, to be honest. It doesn't say much about our area. In fact, all it seems to do is knock America and knock South/East Nevada and its residents?

I don't recommend it and I will never watch it again, despite the novelty value of being filmed close by.

And whomever made the decision to have my previous more detailed review deleted, well you should be shamed to be an American

Why do the american always make the muslim as bad? this film comedy with sing and the whore, yet they still put the muslim as murderer and terrorist. This is not true. this is lie. muslim in america patriotic and love our country. we not want to kill citizen or destroy government. this movie is racist and bigot. use cliche to insult islam.

The way this film portrays women is truly disgusting. They flaunt their bodies and their sexual prowess like this is the only thing they have to offer in life. This is a typical sexist and misogynistic film, that places men on a pedestal and relegates women to the basement.

It is no coincidence the only person to be killed in this film is a woman, symbolically strangled by an overbearing and oppressing male. The message of this scene was not lost on me.

The most anti female film I have ever seen. If you respect your wife, girlfriend, sister or mother, do NOT purchase or rent this sickening film. Boycott it!

Whoever is responsible for this 'film' (and I use that term very loosely), should never work in the industry again. I dont know where to start in describing why this film falls short of the mark. It is simply a terrible film and its failings are many and intricate.

I would not even recommend watching this film as a practical joke on my worst enemy. The Geneva Convention may have something to say about it if I did

This film cost $500,000 to make. it looks like it was made for $500. The most amateur film production I have ever seen. The editing and lighting is student film quality. The writing is 3rd grade level. The acting nothing short of atrocious.

I paid for a copy of this at a recent Libertarian festival. I wish I had listened to my instincts and saved my cash. Whether I believe in its message or not, a pile of poop is still a pile of poop.

1 star

Right?

Well the answer is that it can go wrong in every way possible. This film is barely watchable. It is an excruciating experience to endure it. I know my friend put it on to show me how laughably bad it was, but even so, I had no concept what I was in for.

This makes Ed Wood look like Stanley Kubrick. One of the worst films ever made.