Lady: My Life as a Bitch [Paperback]

Melvin Burgess (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 12, 2003

If you gotta be a dog, be a bitch.

"Ha ha ha," I howled. "That was so funny. Your face. Ow ow ow!"

"That'll teach you." He shook himself from head to toe and grinned at me. "It was worth it, baby," he growled, He came over and licked me up, and i licked him back. He was some gorgeous, lovely dog.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Controversial and award-winning British author Melvin Burgess (Smack, Bloodtide, etc.) is in fine form in his brilliant, satirical novel about a hedonistic teenage girl who is turned into a dog by a mysteriously magical town drunk. Sandra (a.k.a. Lady) is dismayed at first, but quickly discovers the pure joys of unfettered freedom to do whatever she wants and have sex with whomever she pleases--a seemingly perfect scenario for a devil-may-care young woman who would "have shagged [Wayne] up against the wall for a bag of jelly beans a month ago."

Hooking up with a couple other humans-turned-dogs, Lady roams the streets and, well, does what doggies do: "One thing about dogs--they know how to greet someone. It's not so much scratch and sniff as sniff and lick--as soon as you see someone, you just gotta know what they taste like!" Her new life is not without inner turmoil, however. Part of her longs to return to her human life, annoying family, standardized school testing, boy-of-the-day "romances," and all. Living as a dog helps her study what it means to live as a human--with the responsibilities, silly inhibitions, stress, and worry that mark that species--but also the flip side: the security and love of her family.

Ultimately the decisions Sandra/Lady makes may be shocking, but Burgess's voice is undeniably, ruthlessly authentic. Readers in search of a traditionally moralistic diatribe against the reckless promiscuity of today's youth will need to look elsewhere. But those seeking a funny, sensual, and honest exploration of real teenage life and a much more intense and complex study of humanity will revel in the author's expertly crafted allegory. As Burgess himself says, "even someone who doesn't know what an allegory is will recognize that Lady is not a piece of advice, or a suggestion on how to govern your life; it's simply a way of trying to make people think about the ways in which we define work and play." Highly recommended. (Ages 14 and older) --Emilie Coulter --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Burgess, acclaimed British author of Smack and Bloodtide, is a fearless writer. Here he once again creates satisfyingly flawed characters with strong sexual drives and compromised morals. A selfish, hedonistic 15 year-old gets turned into a dog by an alcoholic bum with magical powers. For a while, Sandra becomes the pet of her addict transformer, but soon realizes the relationship is toxic: "I was like a hundred other girls, who like to think they can change the man they love the man who is ruining your life day by day into something worthwhile." Sandra finds she savors the pleasures of dog life sensual, irresponsible and impulsive and runs off with two other former humans, the id-driven Fella and his nostalgic sidekick, Mitch, both of whom willingly oblige when she goes into heat. "People were watching and I didn't give a toss. Why should I care who watched? Life is so much simpler when you're a dog." The narrative intermittently flashes back to episodes from the narrator's human life, which charts her behavior as it grows wilder and more uncontrollable. The conflict comes when Sandra remembers her family and tries to communicate with them, vowing to give up the doggy ways that have characterized her in both human and canine forms and planning instead to be a considerate, more conformist person. But can she go back? Is her untamed life a wish fulfilled? Burgess keeps the suspense high to the very last. This seductive volume is as raw and ravenous as its subject. Ages 14-up.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 14 and up
  
• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: HarperTeen (August 12, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060540338
• ISBN-13: 978-0060540333
• Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 5 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #798,917 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Wow not what I thought, November 15, 2004

By 

Sylvie "Book worm" (Burlington, WA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Lady: My Life as a Bitch (Hardcover)

Lady My Life as a Bitch by Melvin Burgess dealt with many teenage issues such as teenage love, independence from family, and behavior. The title refers to a girl named Sandra who becomes a dog named Lady. Sandra wants to be independent and is almost in control of her risqué life. One day while out with her current boyfriend, Sandra encounters a homeless alcoholic. When she accidentally knocks over his beer, the alcoholic changes her into a dog, which is what she deserves according to some, the way she lives her life.

Frightened and not sure what has happened Lady as she is mow called runs to her house where her mom screams, calls the police, and tries to shoo her out of the house. When Lady sees herself in a mirror she truly realizes what has happened to her. That night in a shack she meets two dogs, Mitch and Fella who were also turned into dogs by the neighborhood drunk. They explain the situation in between sniffing. They also explain how great being a dog can be the pleasures of running all night and chasing cats.

Although being a dog is great Sandra does miss her family and goes one day to see them. With her dog memory she can only just remember them. Sandra carefully sneaks into her old room and puts some of her old clothes on and creeps downstairs. What will her parents think? Will they believe their beloved daughter presumed missing or dead is alive in the body of a dog? Will she ever be herself again? Read this to book to find out.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious, January 7, 2005

By 

Reed Stevens "Author" (Campbell, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Lady: My Life as a Bitch (Paperback)

This book is NOT for young teens! Very snappy read, very hip and really, really funny. Bittersweet story with the right ending- not sentimental, not moralistic, just plain fun. I read it straight through.

A bargain.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars magic, August 16, 2004

By 

chris "chris" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Lady: My Life as a Bitch (Hardcover)

This is a great read and I can reccommend it to anyone. I thought that it dealt with a lot of issues very effectively, eg teenage love, seeking independence from your parents, and finding a place where you belong in society. Melvin Burgess is a fantastic author and if you enjoyed this you should try reading 'lady' too which is as good, if not better than 'junk'.