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5.0 out of 5 stars
A N....E A S Y....W A Y....T O....G O O D....M A N N E R S..!, April 13, 2006
This review is from: As a Lady Would Say: Responses to Life's Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations (Gentlemanners) (Hardcover)
THIS IS A THIN VOLUME BRIMMING WITH common sense, humour, easy readability, and -- oh, yes -- etiquette! It is etiquette for our era, the era in which it was written, (the copyright date is 2004), and -- though it contains "old fashioned" manners, it also includes advice for situations which could only occur within the latter part of the 20th, and/or early part of the 21st century, and onwards..... I believe it was Letitia Baldridge I once heard saying that, "Manners are simply ways of putting other people at ease." There is NOTHING stuffy or elitist about REAL manners....and certainly nothing stuffy or elitist in this book. Contrary to popular opinion, REAL manners are not displayed by spoiled, selfish people....no, just the reverse. Even Queen Elizabeth II takes time out to put those with her at ease. Some examples of this were her wearing of a BLACK outfit, upon meeting Pope John Paul II, her wearing of a LONG dress, in deference to Arab custom for women's dress, upon visiting the Middle East.....and "going with" her own, inner-most instincts, and appearing not as monarch, but simply as another mother, when she visited the grief-stricken parents whose children had been killed, in their school-house, by a moving mountain of coal that no-one had been aware of, at the village of Aberfan, many years ago.
If the Queen of England takes time and trouble to make others feel at ease, I believe that others should follow her example! After all, the Queen -- an intelligent and canny individual -- knows the value of public opinion, (any gaps of this were filled in after Princess Diana died!). She knows that should she, (for instance), appear dishevelled and unwashed before a new, (Labour party), Prime Minister -- to show that her loyalties lie more with the Conservatives -- tongues would wag, and the Monarchy would lose even more popularity than it already has.
The book, "How To Make Friends And Influence People" has it right! If you want to get along...and perhaps, even rise in the world, (and get the good feelings that being nice to others inevitably bring to one's self, as well), it behooves one to let go of the self-centered ideas that often come when one wishes to "Lose friends and antagonize people", and try to make others feel at ease -- as the Queen does, as Dale Carnegie recommends, and, also, as this wonderful book, "As A Lady Would Say", demonstrates so well..... : )
There is much wisdom in this book of 181 numbered pages. The volume is purposely slim, ( ), longer than it is wide, perhaps to enjoin the reader to enter the world of polite(!) society -- where most people below the age of 80, (and quite a few above it, as well), are fashionably thin.
(In fact, in the delightful and wonderful book, CLASS, by Paul Fussell -- also reviewed by me for Amazon -- becoming thin is advised as an inexpensive way to raise one's class.) The advice within reads like what a wise and learned teacher from a good finishing school -- who is also endowed with great kindness and a wonderful sense of humour -- might tell her students....
The "Introduction" sets the stage of this book, with it's composite of good advise and elegant language. The first few words of the first few paragraphs of the the introduction are as follows....
"A lady never intends to say the wrong thing...."
"At times she may be able to laugh off her mistakes, but at other
times she may find herself more than a little embarrasssed by her own
awkwardness....."
"Then, she tries to think ahead, and this book exists in order to help her prepare for life's most challenging moments....."
"Oftentimes a lady is put to the test when she least expects it...."
Five more paragraphs follow, introducing the attitudes, in similar gracious and graceful language, which are expanded in the rest of the book.
After the "Introduction", there follows an introductory chapter, entitled, "61 Things Every Well-Spoken Lady Knows". These are compact "nuggets" of wise advice, each of very few words, and one or two short sentences. A few of the "61 Things" are.....
"A lady knows how to begin a conversation."
"A lady does not talk with her mouth full -- even over the phone."
"A lady makes a conscious effort to use correct grammar, but she
resists all temptation to sound stuffy or overly grand."
"A lady never asks another lady if she is pregnant."
"A lady never asks another lady if she is PLANNING to get pregnant."
"A lady asks no one -- male or female -- to divulge his or her age."
"In a civil conversation, and when attempting to meet new friends, a lady asks, 'What do you think?' as often as possible.
"A lady never says, 'I told you so'."
"When a lady feels that she has been subjected to an insult, she immediately knows the right response. She responds by saying nothing at all."
Following the "61 Things", are 13 Chapter Headings, including: "Around Town", "Friends and Lovers", "Wining and Dining", "On The Job", "At A Dinner Party", "At A Coctail Party", "Private Lives", "The Hostess With The Most", "Giving, Lending, Borrowing and Sharing", "In Times of Sadness", "Awkwardness Extraordinare", and "When Good Girls Go Bad".
Each Chapter heading is followed by several situations under that category. Every situation begins, "When A Lady....." and then, "She Does Not Say.....", and then "But She Does Say...." The many situations -- and the advice given for them -- are at all intelligent, extremely educational; very, very wise -- and very often, delightfully humourous. For instance:
.......WHEN A LADY'S EVENING IS INTERRUPTED BY A TELEMARKETER.......
She does not say:
"How does it feel to spend your life irritating people?"
"Give me your home phone number. I want to call you tomorrow night,
when YOU'RE trying to have dinner."
"Is this the only job you could get?"
"You know you're breaking the law. I could have you arrested if I weren't so nice."
But she does say:
"No thanks. Don't call me again. Good night."
Telemarketers, for good or for ill, are simply doing the job they were hired to do. A lady does not attempt to insult them. She remains polite and courteous, even with those who may be annoying. She is direct and makes it clear that she does not wish to be called again. Then she returns to dinner and gets on with her life.
Other topics include: "When A Lady Is Bored By An Activity Suggested By Her Date", "When Someone Questions A Lady's Patriotism Or Her Candidate Of Choice", "When A Friend Tells A Lady That He Is Gay, Or She Is A Lesbian", "When A Lady Feels Her Friends Have Chosen An Unfortunate Name For Their New Baby", (the name given in the example is "Lucifer".)
Throughout the book, amdist the short, often humourous and pithy examples of situations a lady may face, are several longer, more detailed essays. These are: "A Lady Asks A Gentleman For A Date", "When To Use First Names", "How To Make A Toast", "How To Make An Introduction", "How To Start A Conversation", "How To End A Conversation", and "A Lady Says No".
The last Chapter, "When Good Girls Go Bad", is sub-titled, 'Talking your way out of trouble, when you've blown it, big time." Or, what to do when, even the most scrupulous of ladies manages to put her foot in her mouth. No one is perfect all the time, after all. These are things to DO, after you have mistakenly and (almost) irretrievaby done or said the wrong thing. These go from, "When A Lady Realizes She Has Spent Too Much Time Telling Her Date How Handsome She Thinks Another Man Is", to "When A Lady Must Face A Man Who Has Made Her Cry In A Business Situation". Cutting right to the chase in these emergency situations, dialogue is dispensed with, and ACTIONS are emphasized. Great "First Aid" advice here!
All in all, a wonderful little introduction to what "etiquette" is REALLY all about. A lot cheaper than going to finishing school....and probably a lot more full of humourously-put advice, too!
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