Customer Reviews

As a Lady Would Say: Responses to Life's Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations (Gentlemanners)

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3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This is the best etiquette book I have ever read. Most other etiquette books focus on things which really don't impact our relationships with others that much, i.e., what stockings to wear with what shoes, which fork to use, the proper stationery, etc. This book, however, shows us how our words have the power to hurt or to heal, to harm or to help; truthfully, a person may not remember if we wore white shoes after Labor Day but they most assuredly will remember if our thoughtless words caused them discomfort. The book has a simple and very effective format: the author presents a situation, and then follows it with three or four things NOT to say, and after that what should be said. She then concludes by giving the reason for choosing what should be said. Incidentally, the things NOT to say are very humorous and I found myself laughing aloud as I read the book. But, humor aside, this book teaches some very important and invaluable lessons. When you have finished reading it, you will find that your consciousness has been raised regarding the things you say to people and the impact your words can have. This book is a precious gem and I am so glad that I purchased it. I would recommend it to any lady, and I also think it would make an excellent gift for a young woman.

THIS IS A THIN VOLUME BRIMMING WITH common sense, humour, easy readability, and -- oh, yes -- etiquette! It is etiquette for our era, the era in which it was written, (the copyright date is 2004), and -- though it contains "old fashioned" manners, it also includes advice for situations which could only occur within the latter part of the 20th, and/or early part of the 21st century, and onwards..... I believe it was Letitia Baldridge I once heard saying that, "Manners are simply ways of putting other people at ease." There is NOTHING stuffy or elitist about REAL manners....and certainly nothing stuffy or elitist in this book. Contrary to popular opinion, REAL manners are not displayed by spoiled, selfish people....no, just the reverse. Even Queen Elizabeth II takes time out to put those with her at ease. Some examples of this were her wearing of a BLACK outfit, upon meeting Pope John Paul II, her wearing of a LONG dress, in deference to Arab custom for women's dress, upon visiting the Middle East.....and "going with" her own, inner-most instincts, and appearing not as monarch, but simply as another mother, when she visited the grief-stricken parents whose children had been killed, in their school-house, by a moving mountain of coal that no-one had been aware of, at the village of Aberfan, many years ago.

If the Queen of England takes time and trouble to make others feel at ease, I believe that others should follow her example! After all, the Queen -- an intelligent and canny individual -- knows the value of public opinion, (any gaps of this were filled in after Princess Diana died!). She knows that should she, (for instance), appear dishevelled and unwashed before a new, (Labour party), Prime Minister -- to show that her loyalties lie more with the Conservatives -- tongues would wag, and the Monarchy would lose even more popularity than it already has.

The book, "How To Make Friends And Influence People" has it right! If you want to get along...and perhaps, even rise in the world, (and get the good feelings that being nice to others inevitably bring to one's self, as well), it behooves one to let go of the self-centered ideas that often come when one wishes to "Lose friends and antagonize people", and try to make others feel at ease -- as the Queen does, as Dale Carnegie recommends, and, also, as this wonderful book, "As A Lady Would Say", demonstrates so well..... : )

There is much wisdom in this book of 181 numbered pages. The volume is purposely slim, ( ), longer than it is wide, perhaps to enjoin the reader to enter the world of polite(!) society -- where most people below the age of 80, (and quite a few above it, as well), are fashionably thin.
(In fact, in the delightful and wonderful book, CLASS, by Paul Fussell -- also reviewed by me for Amazon -- becoming thin is advised as an inexpensive way to raise one's class.) The advice within reads like what a wise and learned teacher from a good finishing school -- who is also endowed with great kindness and a wonderful sense of humour -- might tell her students....

The "Introduction" sets the stage of this book, with it's composite of good advise and elegant language. The first few words of the first few paragraphs of the the introduction are as follows....

"A lady never intends to say the wrong thing...."
"At times she may be able to laugh off her mistakes, but at other
times she may find herself more than a little embarrasssed by her own
awkwardness....."
"Then, she tries to think ahead, and this book exists in order to help her prepare for life's most challenging moments....."
"Oftentimes a lady is put to the test when she least expects it...."

Five more paragraphs follow, introducing the attitudes, in similar gracious and graceful language, which are expanded in the rest of the book.

After the "Introduction", there follows an introductory chapter, entitled, "61 Things Every Well-Spoken Lady Knows". These are compact "nuggets" of wise advice, each of very few words, and one or two short sentences. A few of the "61 Things" are.....

"A lady knows how to begin a conversation."
"A lady does not talk with her mouth full -- even over the phone."
"A lady makes a conscious effort to use correct grammar, but she
resists all temptation to sound stuffy or overly grand."
"A lady never asks another lady if she is pregnant."
"A lady never asks another lady if she is PLANNING to get pregnant."
"A lady asks no one -- male or female -- to divulge his or her age."
"In a civil conversation, and when attempting to meet new friends, a lady asks, 'What do you think?' as often as possible.
"A lady never says, 'I told you so'."
"When a lady feels that she has been subjected to an insult, she immediately knows the right response. She responds by saying nothing at all."

Following the "61 Things", are 13 Chapter Headings, including: "Around Town", "Friends and Lovers", "Wining and Dining", "On The Job", "At A Dinner Party", "At A Coctail Party", "Private Lives", "The Hostess With The Most", "Giving, Lending, Borrowing and Sharing", "In Times of Sadness", "Awkwardness Extraordinare", and "When Good Girls Go Bad".

Each Chapter heading is followed by several situations under that category. Every situation begins, "When A Lady....." and then, "She Does Not Say.....", and then "But She Does Say...." The many situations -- and the advice given for them -- are at all intelligent, extremely educational; very, very wise -- and very often, delightfully humourous. For instance:

.......WHEN A LADY'S EVENING IS INTERRUPTED BY A TELEMARKETER.......

She does not say:
"How does it feel to spend your life irritating people?"
"Give me your home phone number. I want to call you tomorrow night,
when YOU'RE trying to have dinner."
"Is this the only job you could get?"
"You know you're breaking the law. I could have you arrested if I weren't so nice."

But she does say:
"No thanks. Don't call me again. Good night."

Telemarketers, for good or for ill, are simply doing the job they were hired to do. A lady does not attempt to insult them. She remains polite and courteous, even with those who may be annoying. She is direct and makes it clear that she does not wish to be called again. Then she returns to dinner and gets on with her life.

Other topics include: "When A Lady Is Bored By An Activity Suggested By Her Date", "When Someone Questions A Lady's Patriotism Or Her Candidate Of Choice", "When A Friend Tells A Lady That He Is Gay, Or She Is A Lesbian", "When A Lady Feels Her Friends Have Chosen An Unfortunate Name For Their New Baby", (the name given in the example is "Lucifer".)

Throughout the book, amdist the short, often humourous and pithy examples of situations a lady may face, are several longer, more detailed essays. These are: "A Lady Asks A Gentleman For A Date", "When To Use First Names", "How To Make A Toast", "How To Make An Introduction", "How To Start A Conversation", "How To End A Conversation", and "A Lady Says No".

The last Chapter, "When Good Girls Go Bad", is sub-titled, 'Talking your way out of trouble, when you've blown it, big time." Or, what to do when, even the most scrupulous of ladies manages to put her foot in her mouth. No one is perfect all the time, after all. These are things to DO, after you have mistakenly and (almost) irretrievaby done or said the wrong thing. These go from, "When A Lady Realizes She Has Spent Too Much Time Telling Her Date How Handsome She Thinks Another Man Is", to "When A Lady Must Face A Man Who Has Made Her Cry In A Business Situation". Cutting right to the chase in these emergency situations, dialogue is dispensed with, and ACTIONS are emphasized. Great "First Aid" advice here!

All in all, a wonderful little introduction to what "etiquette" is REALLY all about. A lot cheaper than going to finishing school....and probably a lot more full of humourously-put advice, too!

I found this to be a helpful book. It's not always easy to know what to say in awkward situations and this book gives good examples of what to say and most importantly what NOT to say! It also gives tips on how to handle yourself if you happen to stick your foot in your mouth. This book is not an old fashioned one as the title might suggest but rather a modern guide to dealing with today's uncomfortable social situations which most women encounter at some point in their lives...Examples: What do you do if someone shows you photos of their ugly newborn? What do you do if someone gives you a back handed compliment? What can you say if someone is wearing the same outfit as you? What do you say to someone who just had plastic surgery? What to do if you get a call on your cell phone in public, etc...The book could have been longer in my opinion but overall I think it was a good read. It might also make a great (though not so subtle) gift for rude friends or family members. Either way, I would suggest this book for anyone who wants to learn more about good manners.

This book is very useful for people who tend to have a habit of putting their foot in their mouth or are clueless about what to say in awkward social situations. Although the title of the book sounds old-fashioned, as one reviewer commented, it is a book written for our era, covering the kinds of social situations that many of us would find ourselves in at some point.

The book starts with a 4 page introduction outlining the characteristics of a lady, followed by 61 tips that "Every Well-Spoken Lady Knows". The following 13 chapters (Around Town, Friends and Lovers, Wining and Dining, On The Job, At A Dinner Party, At A Cocktail Party, Private Lives, The Hostess With The Most, Giving, Lending, Borrowing and Sharing, In Times of Sadness, Awkwardness Extraordinaire, When Good Girls Go Bad) present a number of social situations, each beginning with 2 to 4 examples of comments that a lady does not say, followed by an example of what a lady does say and concluding with an explanation for why certain comments are appropriate or inappropriate in that situation.

Example:
When a Lady's unmarried woman friend tells her she is pregnant and plans to keep the baby...

She does not say:
"Well, gee, Gloria, don't you think a child should have two parents?"

"Do you know who the father is?"

"What's the matter? Couldn't get him to marry you?"

But she does say:
"Congratulations. You'll make a wonderful mother"

If her friend is sharing the news of her pregnancy, a lady may assume that she is not ashamed of her condition. She greets the news with the same good wishes she would offer any expectant mother. The mother-to-be is probably well aware of the challenges before her; she does not need the lady's reminders, no matter how well intended.



In addition to providing excellent advice, the book is quite humourous (many of the examples of the wrong things to say are pretty funny). I highly recommend it!

This is the first book I have ever read about etiquette so I cannot offer any relative comparisons.

On the plus side, it is a very quick read. It took me a couple of hours and one sitting to read from cover to cover. It better serves as a quick reference guide to etiquette instead of as a strong foundation from which to build your future actions and behaviors. It basically lists out very specific situations and very specific responses.

The book begins with a list of "61 Things Every Well-Spoken Lady Knows" which contains appropriate rules of thumb. It also tried to be current in addressing situations such as asking men out on a date, responding to an acquaintance who comes out with his/her homosexuality, and internet dating. It failed, however, to truly be current because a lot of the advice provided would result in something quite ridiculous if applied. Its main points are that a lady should never try to embarrass anyone, she should never apologize unless an apology is truly warranted, and she should be firm but never rude even when she has to say no.

I like this book, as far as it goes. It offers thoughtful words for responding to others, and it doesn't hesitate to say "don't comment on things which are none of your business!" But I'm left wanting more. Each situation gets one wide-margined page, which is mostly filled with humorous what-not-to-say examples. I wanted more treatment of several topics, beyond just an opening sentence.

This is the book to get if you are looking for ways to handle tricky social situations, e.g. how to handle inappropriate/nosey questions (age, relationship status, etc.). I find this type of etiquette much more difficult to master than table settings, gift giving, what to wear, etc. This book does not cover what to do, but rather what to say. I highly recommend it!

As A Lady Would Say is a darling of a book. This little gem should be in every woman's library! The format is easy to read and to consult in a jiffy. Read the list of 61 Things Every Well Spoken Lady Knows before heading to a social event to mentally prepare eloquent and polished remarks for whatever conversation heads your way. This book makes a nice gift to teenagers and also is a lovely addition to the guest bedroom bookshelf.

In light of our culture creating words that don't mean a thing and using the popular term "Whatever" to express the words to replace the proper response for the question. This book is a must have. Its a great way to learn how to hold a conversation, how to respond to someone questioning your age, all type of jewels. Its a good read and not only that, it makes you someone who can master the art of conversation, which is something that we are losing today.
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This book was very good and I enjoyed reading it as it was set up. It is not a book to sit and read through in one sitting, but more of an enjoyable book to read in increments and enjoy as a reference. It was a good reminder of basic manners and contained many scenarios that we all face.