Customer Reviews

The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships

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As a psychologist who has been practicing for over 35 years, I did not expect to find anything in this book that I did not already know. Much to my surprise and delight, I discovered that there are simple yet powerful techniques for changing the nature of the interaction patterns between oneself and others, and that most of these techniques were based on becoming more aware in ways that I had not considered before, either for myself or for my clients. Drs. Segal and Jaffe have made an important contribution to the literature on using emotional awareness to improve communication skills, and have done so from a unique and original perspective. This is must reading for therapists of all stripes, and for all those who have an interest in cultivating their interpersonal skills.

I began reading this book as a favor to a friend. I ended up reading the book for myself and thanking my friend for the suggestion.

I am a Collaborative Attorney, a Mediator and a Litigator. I initially thought this book would give me tools to better understand my clients by looking for their patterns of emotional intelligence. I found myself, however, studying my own patterns. I quickly realized that by understanding my own patterns I will not only be better able to understand my clients, but I will be better able to understand myself in relationship to my clients. I see the possibility of an entirely new and expansive way of relating to and understanding my client's needs and interests.

I intend to keep this book close at hand to revisit Drs. Segal and Jaffe's simple but pointed and effective exercises on a regular basis. I highly recommend Drs. Segal and Jaffe's book to any professional who has an interest in understanding and relating to their clients' needs and interests in new and profound ways.

Dr. Segal's book offers an excellent, concrete introduction to understanding relationship challenges and effective responses to them. With the use of example situations to provide a base, she presents techniques to develop those responses. The book is very well organized and presented - I found that even with a quick first read I was able to gather considerable insight and guideposts for myself. The varied examples and the sensitivity to diverse personalities that might face similar challenges will make the book responsive to a wide variety of readers. While the book is likely to be of most help to those looking for solutions to their perceived struggles, the background and discussion should be generally useful in developing awareness and capabilities to ward off difficulties. However, in order to take full advantage of the background and tools presented in the book will require a focused time commitment.

I don't know about you, but no one ever taught me how to be comfortable with emotions or how to create solid and satisfying relationships. The Language of Emotional Intelligence is the road map through the territory of emotions and the destination of successful relationships. This easy to understand guide is clear and simple. It goes beyond the usual information about relationships (I've had plenty of that!) and gives five specific tools and step by step insights and actions. Page by page it helps us delve into that unknown realm of our emotions. It helps in understanding our own feelings and being comfortable with the emotions of others, Also, we learn about the power of non-verbal communication, laughter and play and how to resolve conflict in ways that strengthen relationships.
It's hard to believe that so much is packed into just over 200 pages! I'm giving copies to all my employees, my friends and certainly to my family! Thank you, Dr. Segal.

Dr. Segal's book is a clarifying and inviting approach to look at your relationships and offers a system for fixing what needs to be fixed. In reading her book, I immediately identified with her clear examples and felt easily inclined to look at my own relationships as well as the habits that have come out of my upbringing. It helped me to recognize what was working and what needed to be resolved in my own life. The language of Emotional Intelligence sets forth a system with five easily learned tools that guide you as you chart a course to build better relationships. What is most exciting is that it insures us the opportunity to change and learn improved ways to relate to others. It's a remarkably good read

There are so many situations where "reading" someone is extremely helpful in enhancing communication, whether in casual or intimate relationships. Dr. Segal shows the way. Just take a look at Chapter 7 where you'll find 8 exercises that improve your non-verbal communication skills. This is just a small, but important, part of the book. The examples and exercises throughout the book are extremely valuable. I highly recommend it.

Gloria Richfield, Ph.D.

I'm not a huge fan of self-help books, but this book offers extremely interesting information on how our emotional intelligence affects our lives. The author uses story-like examples to prove her points, and it never feels like she's "talking down" to the reader. You'll learn a ton about why you are the way you are, and how you can improve the way you relate to people (and vice versa) with some positive, simple steps. It's a quick read, and unlike a lot of other books, gives you concrete advice on how to make real changes in your life.

Creating and maintaining healthy relationships is crucial to our success in all aspects of our lives including work, family, friends and play. Learning to create and build on such relationships can, however appear to be a highly complex and overwhelming task. This book does an excellent job breaking it down into very accessible, user friendly pieces that anyone can benefit from. It is jam packed with techniques that we can practice, excercises and quizzes that allow us to see where we are at. There are also good ideas for resolving conflict and building relationships through play and non verbal communication techniques. This book is well written, flows well, is easy to read, and packs a lot of valuable information. Just as important, it packages all of this into a format that is fun and entertaining to read.

This book is a fascinating look at how your emotional intelligence skills (or lack thereof) affect the quality of your relationships. The chapters on non-verbal communication and handling conflict were particularly interesting to me. The author gives tons of illustrative examples that make the concepts easy to understand. And her step-by-step advice for improving emotional intelligence is clear and practical. These are strategies I can actually see myself using in the real world! All in all, a great book.

This book is not exceptional, but like the great many other self-help books out there: more theory than presenting practical application. Since 99.9% of people need to be seriously motivated to make changes, there simply is not enough motivational structure here for someone who DOES want to up their emotional IQ--and not backslide. I found the vignettes of couples issues to be irritating, especially with mention of the likely reasons why there is low EI, such as attachment issues in upbringing. So what? We all have issues. I would have liked to see more scientific research presented. I am not a nay-sayer about EI, it's just that other skills learning modalities address this topic in part, in a far better way without calling it emotional intelligence. For instance, CBT and DBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral therapy). This book may be enlightening to some, but I found the text to be lightweight on the topic. An excellent couples book in this arena is "The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy and Validation" by Alan Fruzetti. You won't be sorry if you read that instead.