Customer Reviews

The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate

5 star:		(30)
4 star:		(37)
3 star:		(18)
2 star:		(10)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Read this book if you haven't already read "Love and Respect." Or read this book if you have read "Love and Respect", but still don't "get" it.

Otherwise, skip this one, and keep practicing the Love and Respect principles you've already learned. The principles are fantastic and biblical and effective.

This book is helpful to teach you those principles, but it is very repetitive of the original material in "Love and Respect." However, Eggerichs does elaborate in this book with real-life testimonies from those who are working this out.

I recommend picking just one of the two books to read, but not necessarily both. Unless you're clueless about how relationships work between men and women. Then get them both.

Never fear, Dr. Eggerichs second book The Language of Love and Respect is a perfect mix of make-you-think realizations and real-life applications. Now, I must admit, I didn't read his first book, titled Love & Respect, so I was worried that I be a little lost. However, the beginning of the book dedicates itself to summarizing the book's key elements in a suffice manner. Basically, men and women speak different languages: men in respect, women in love. Men see hurts as disrespectful, women see them as unloving. Then you delve into the meat of the book, the how-tos. These include tangible points that I feel you can mold to fit your own marriage.

From avoiding the "crazy cycle" to talking to your spouse in the "Jesus way" I feel like this book is jam packed with the tools to mend any marriage, in any stage. I also think his emphasis on unconditional love in a marriage really hits on why communication is so important.

Dr. Eggerichs contribution to couples everywhere is this little treasure. Pick it up for a little marriage helper in 2010!

I was really excited to see this book on my list of books to review. I have been having a hard time communicating with my husband and needed some help. Learning how each of us loves was just what I needed. I found that the way that he shows me loves motivates me to show him love and the cycle continues but when I don't feel loved I stop that circle and it can take days to get back on track. This book gave me some wonderful things to help me and him work through this cycle quicker.
The energizing cycle is one example Dr. Eggerich gave as a visual to work through this cycle. He used the acronym COUPLE as a way to remember how to get through the steps(womens view)
C-Closeness . I want to be close to my husband it makes me feel secure
O-Openness I want to talk not just short answers open up to me
U-Understanding. Don't try to fix me just understand what I am going through
P-Peacemaking. Tell me your sorry.
L-Loyalty. Remind me that you love me. That I am your one and only
E-Esteem. Honor and cherish me
MENS view
CHAIRS
C-Conquest. Recognize and thank him for his desire to work
H-. Hierarchy. Thank him for his motivation to protect and provide for me
A-Authority Acknowledge his desire to lead, he is the head of the household
I-Insight. Listen appreciatively to his ideas and advice ---this one was hard for me to learn
R-Relationship Value his desire for you to be his friend and stand shoulder to shoulder to him
S Sexuality respond to his need for you sexually
I found that when I started to understand him I was able to love him and by doing this he was able to love me. It did take a while but this book works.

I read Love & Respect several years ago and, while I appreciated the general content, I was somewhat put off by the sense of serving one's spouse in order to get what you want, rather than because it's right that I felt pervaded the bulk of the book. I did NOT get that impression from this book.

The first part of the book is a summary of the principles in Love & Respect. Having already read Love & Respect, I found this rather tedious and unnecessarily drawn out. However, for those who haven't read Love & Respect, it lays a good foundation for the remainder of the book.

The rest of the book talks specifically about communication, using the acronyms C.O.U.P.L.E. (for husbands seeking to build up their wives), C.H.A.I.R.S. (for wives seeking to edify their husbands), and T.U.F.T.S. (for both spouses seeking to communicate in a more godly manner). These acronyms speak to the needs of each spouse, helping to demystify the differences between how men and women think.

Personally, I felt I needed far more specifics. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks I'm speaking respectfully but whose husband then says he's feeling disrespected, but doubt it. I was expecting more concrete, specific examples of how to say the things that need to be said, but in a respectful manner. My perception was that it was, for the most part, left much more vague and general than it could or should have been.

I really wouldn't consider this to be an auxiliary book for Love & Respect. I would consider it to be more of a rewording of Love & Respect. In that context, it's excellent and I would highly recommend it (more highly than the original). But if you're already familiar with Love & Respect and are hoping for clearer guidance on how to put those principles into practice, I wouldn't count on getting that from this.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33 ESV).

This verse is the basis for the Love and Respect system as promoted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. His Love and Respect book, DVD series, and seminars have become very popular and have been a great benefit to many couples throughout the country. The fundamental principle that women need love and men need respect and that each should give what the other needs unconditionally has great value in a marriage.

But how, exactly, can a man communicate love and a wife communicate respect? This is the subject of The Language of Love & Respect: Cracking the Communication Code With Your Mate, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

This book was previously published as Cracking the Communication Code but has now been helpfully re-titled in order to better demonstrate its alignment with the core love and respect principles presented in the original Love and Respect.

The Language of Love and Respect can be seen as the "intermediate" or "advanced" level of the Love and Respect concept. The fundamental concepts of Love and Respect are presented in the first part of the book-- women need love, men need respect, they should not step on each other's air hose, men see the world and hear the world as men and women as women, "blue" and "pink," not wrong, just different, and the three cycles: the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle. This recap is beneficial, but the reader would benefit from a thorough study of the original book on Love and Respect.

The Language of Love and Respect then returns to each of the three cycles-- the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle-- and expands on the concepts presented. The reader is introduced to the process by which Emerson came to his conclusions. More examples of the difficulties and how to get beyond them are presented. The reader will more likely than not find him or herself within many of those situations and thus can benefit from considering them.

The focus on the "crazy" cycle is how to decode the message the spouse is presenting-- how to get behind the argued issue to understand the underlying difficulty. In the "energized" cycle, the focus is on how to apply COUPLE and CHAIRS, the means by which to energize women and men, respectively, and how to clarify communication before the "craziness" begins.

For the crazy and energized cycles there is just an expansion of the concepts already presented in Love and Respect, and such is valuable. More is presented with the rewarded cycle, focusing on the "Jesus way of talking," using principles in Ephesians 4-5 regarding speaking in ways that are consistent with Jesus-- words of truth, encouragement, forgiveness, thankfulness, and Scripture.

The Language of Love and Respect, therefore, is the ideal next step after one has considered Love and Respect-- finding ways to put the principles into practice in everyday communication. The Language of Love and Respect emphasizes not only the Biblical principles that lead to better marriage but places its own emphasis on how, in the end, it's not about the marriage as much as it is about God in Christ. We must "be Jesus" in our marital relationships, relationships with children, parents, employers, employees, friends, etc.

Eggerichs is an Evangelical and apologizes in the book for total depravity and "once saved, always saved"; nevertheless, these do not really affect the concepts and principles in this book.

Everyone who is in a marriage relationship or intends to be in a marriage relationship at some point will benefit from the Love and Respect material, and The Language of Love & Respect is a welcome addition to that material. This is a must read for both husbands and wives!

I received a copy of The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate by Emerson Eggerichs to review a few months ago. I was excited to read the book and had high expectations since his first book had received such great reviews. Unfortunately, this book fell short for me. It didn't hold my attention very well (which it probably why it took me a few months to read it) . It talked too much about the "Crazy Cycle" as they call it. Trying to keep all the cycles straight, honestly made my head spin.. it was just TOO much! Then add to that all the acronyms for mens and womens communication styles, again.. too much! It also, in my opinion did not have enough Biblical reference or practical life application and seemed to repeat things too often throughout the book.

If a couple is struggling with communication in their marriage, this book may be a good fit for them but there are better out there. The "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" books are much better in my opinion.

I have not read Dr. Eggerichs' other books so I have nothing against which to compare this one. Many of the other reviewers here have compared it to his first book,. Love and Respect, and claim that this book is not as good. That very well may be the case, but I will base my review solely on this book and how it stands on its own.

The Language of Love and Respect: How to Crack the Communication Code with Your Mate is a well-done explanation/exploration of the differences between men and women and how they might better communicate and thus better understand one another. In an age where the divorce rate is steadily climbing and marriages are falling apart over virtually every conceivable reason, couples need all the help they can get to keep their marriages together - or be prepared prior to entering a marriage in the first place.

The book is divided into 5 logical parts. Part I, "A Book Within a Book", summarizes the book Love and Respect and provides a good foundation from which the remainder of the book is based. Part II, "Three Vital Truths for Better Communication", lays some important grounds rules that should be remembered when dealing with your spouse (for example, the first is that everything said is important and should be valued). Part III, "The Crazy Cycle: A Relentless Enemy of Marital Communication", delves into the issues of miscommunication and misunderstanding and how to break the pattern. Part IV, "The Energizing Cycle: To Better Communicate, Meet Your Spouse's Needs", is the meat and potatoes of HOW to communication effectively and how to build up one another instead of tearing each other down. Finally Part V, "The Rewarded Cycle: The Unconditional Dimension of Communication", can be summarized as "show love and respect to one another".

Throughout this book, the author makes frequent references to scripture to support his points. This book is very much written from a Christian viewpoint and it's clear the author has done his Scripture homework when putting together his points.

For the struggling couple, this is a good book to help get communication on track and begin down the road to understanding that can bring healing. For healthy couples this is a good source for improving on a good foundation. And finally, for soon-to-be couples this is foundational and will help in getting started on the right foot.

I like this book and I think it's a helpful tool for ALL couples.

I have been in relationship counseling before and I must say that this book covers a lot of things that you would with a counselor and instead of forking over 150.00 a session, sit down with your loved one and read it together. It's a great way to talk about things as your reading and communicating. I believe that communication is in the top 3 as for a long loving caring relationship. A must for any couple.... problem or not!

The Language of Love & Respect is the sequel to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs best-selling book Love & Respect. I had never read Love & Respect, but had heard wonderful things about it, so when I got the chance to get a free copy of this book in exchange for a review I jumped at it.

Unfortunately, I did enjoy the book. In my opinion, the book read like a text book. It wasn't something that would be an enjoyable read, but something that requires study. The use of acronyms was overkill. First there was C-O-U-P-L-E, then C-H-A-I-R-S. Next we had to learn about how COUPLE and CHAIRS get you out the Crazy Cycle and into the Energizing Cycle.

These acronyms and "codes," that most will never remember, were too complicated to be very useful. The writing was lackluster, and did not hold my attention. While I'm sure there is benefit to be found in the book, I think you'd have to dig deep and focus hard to find it.

If you're looking for a deep study book on marriage communication, this may be the book for you. But unfortunately, it was not the book for me.

Being a fan of the original Love and Respect, I thought for sure I would enjoy this book just as much. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. While this book is useful and valuable, I was disappointed that it did not offer very many new insights into communication. Instead, it felt more like a rehash of the original Love and Respect, only with some different examples and testimonies thrown in.
Communication is arguably the most important aspect of a marriage. Marriages thrive or fail often based on how well spouses communicate with each other. Unfortunately, men and women see and hear things differently, and this often causes confusion and miscommunication. In short, men hear the language of "respect" while women hear the language of "love". Once men and women are aware of this, then they can get to work learning how to speak and listen in each others languages. This is the basic premise of the book, and people who have already read the original Love and Respect will recognize it well.
These are valuable concepts that have really helped our marriage, but I'd say you should either read the original Love and Respect, or this book, but most people won't need to read both.