Customer Reviews

Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass - DYNJS0303 - Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass - 3 Each / Case

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

I must have been drunk for an entire week. Or depressed. Or maybe in a state of psychosis. I don't know. What I do know is that something had to have been very, very wrong with my mental state at the time, as it's the only way I can really explain my actions. I wish I could give you more details, but I remember very little of the actual thought process now that I have regained lucidity.

At any rate, what I do remember is this...

My boyfriend of 12 years and I were sitting around laughing about stuff, and we both decided that we wanted to lose some weight. I believe there was a program on television about Star Jones or some such other celebrity who had undergone bariatric surgery and now looked fit as can be.

"If only we had that kind of money!" I lamented. "I wish this was like ear piercings or tattoos where you could just do it yourself."

That's when it dawned on me that instructions for doing just about anything, no matter how dangerous, ill-advised, reckless, or insane, live on the internets. So I searched for DIY bariatric surgery, and lo and behold, I found this kit. I realize now the error of my ways, and that perhaps this kit was not meant for the layperson to perform surgery on themselves. But Roger is a very independent man, and he was very encouraging throughout this whole process. He remains convinced to this day that doctors are no smarter than you or me, and often times are much less smarter.

We ordered the package of 3 kits, which Roger justified saying "Well, that way if we mess one of ours up, we have an extra to redo it!"

I remember the night we planned to do the surgery. We hung a mirror on the ceiling and put an old sheet down over the bed. We were each going to perform the surgery on ourselves, using the mirror as a reference and instructions we pieced together from various websites and notes taken from watching clips of surgeries on Discovery Health Channel. It seemed like such a great idea -- our minds were fogged, almost possessed by greed and vanity and lust, enchanted by the promise of perfect bodies and perfect lives that were just around the corner.

Roger went first. From the get-go, he was more confident than I was, more eager to prove that he was just as smart and adept as a hoity-toity medical school doctor. With two pillows propped under his head, he grasped the scalpel purposefully and began to make the first incision. He didn't scream out, as enough painkillers to down an elephant were coursing through his veins. The incision was perfect, even, smooth, and he drew the blade slowly, opening the flesh...

And that's when the dog jumped on the bed.

I miss you, Roger.

The instructions that come with this product are just terrible. Even though I did everything according to the book, I had about seven pieces left over. I'm sure they're useful for something, but I can't figure out what.

This is an awesome product. I have performed my first two bypasses using this kit (on myself of course), and I have lost over 200 pounds. There was some initial bleeding that occured, and I needed to be rushed to the emergency room due to "severe internal hemorrhaging" but the three week stay was well worth the cost I saved by doing my own bypass. They even threw in a free bag of donor blood at the hospital! Take that gold box deals! Highly recommended! Note: through personal experience, it is difficult to follow instructions when under anestesia. Your experience may vary, good luck with your home surgery!

I figured this was just another one of those "weight loss gimmicks" that you see all over the place. Wow, was I wrong! I lost 150 lbs in only a week! Of course, the majority of this was the loss of my lower torso, but I'm still pretty darn pleased with the results.

I'm only giving it 4 stars because I think I might not have gotten so confused (therefore inadvertently removing the lower 1/2 of my own body) had the instructions not been in Hawai'i Pidgin Sign Language.

The good thing is, since I saved so much on doing this surgery myself, I was able to spring for top of the line replacement legs, instead of the old-fashioned wooden type which weigh a lot and tend to have constant termite issues.

Yet another example of big business making it impossible for small family operations to succeed in this country. My wife and I have been performing high quality gastric bypass operations out of our living room ever since my alcoholism made it impossible for me to retain my veterinary license. Its products like Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass DYNJS0303 that are destroying mom and pop businesses across the country. DO NOT PURCHASE!!!

I never understood why people would waste good money paying someone to do something that you can do for yourself. So when I saw this DIY gastric bypass kit, I couldn't pass up a good deal!

After doing extensive research of Amazon.com reviews, I decided to be smart about this. I didn't perform this operation in my bedroom, I did it in the garage. I turned the car on, shut the garage door and got to work. Piece of sugar-free cake!

The key is to time the automatic garage door to open before you totally pass out. It took a few tries and a couple of 72 hour holds (over-zealous mental health professionals!) to get it right - thank goodness you get three kits!

As soon as I get the feeling back in my limbs, I will be more than happy to assist you with your bypass. Contact me at dontdoituiscrazy@yafool.com

It's missing pain reduction medication. I tried just biting down on a wooden spoon but did not help to keep my hand steady.

This was a less than optimal Christmas gift. He was so mad, even when I told him he was going to use it on me!

This can also be effectively used for removing kidney stones as well or heck just yank the whole kidney, you got another one anyway!

Our cow seemed fat to me, and even when we put her on a diet, her sides still seemed to stick out just a bit too far. So I ordered one of these and when it arrived I googled how to do it and a cow diagram and son of a gun, they have FOUR stomachs! Did you know that? Anyways, I quickly ordered the other three and when they arrived we did the surgery.

While we were in there working, (me and my two dachshunds) we noticed that she was so pregnant she was about to pop so we googled c-section and waaah lah delivered a beautiful baby bovine. Seeing our mistake, we hastily undid all our gastric bypasses and got the hell outta there. This is a pain free operation. I know, cause I've done and UNdone four of them and they didn't hurt me a bit. I can't attest to how well they work in the long run, but I can assure you that I've done four of these without a hitch, so if you need help with yours, just send $495.00 to Ima A. Goodidea, PO Box 37, Bugtussle, Oklahoma. (that's $495.00 per stomach, human or otherwise) NOTE: all implements and tubes will be sterilized with fresh spring water when available.