Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship [Hardcover]

Gay Hendricks Ph.D. (Author), Kathlyn Hendricks (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 17, 2004

In this long-awaited follow-up to their seminal Conscious Loving, Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks take on two of the most pressing problems that sap vitality and energy from our committed relationships: how to forge a closer relationship that still allows each partner full creative autonomy, and how to generate the passion and preserve the harmony essential to keeping long-term partnerships alive and blooming.

Lasting Love grew out of the Hendricks' laboratory of their 23-year marriage as well as their 10-year study of more than 2,000 long-term, committed couples. They discovered that the most common couples conflicts could be traced to at least one of five root causes:

* An imbalance between the creative energy each partner contributes to the relationship
* A lack of emotional honesty
* An unwillingness to accept responsibility for everyday issues
* Deep-seated commitment problems
* A deficiency of daily appreciations

Using these insights as a starting point, the Hendricks devised a program based on five vital actions that simultaneously lead to a deeper flow of intimacy between partners and greater creative freedom for each individual:

* Spend time expressing your own creativity rather than focusing on "fixing" your partner
* Eliminate the barrier to speaking and hearing the truth about everything
* Break the cycle of blame and criticism
* Make commitments you can really stand by
* Become a master of verbal and nonverbal appreciation

Filled with helpful real-life scenarios and straightforward advice, Lasting Love is an essential guide for anyone involved in a long-term relationship who wants it not only to last but to flourish.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"I think of Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks as America's model couple. In Lasting Love, they model courage as they demonstrate how to remove the barriers that keep us from lasting love. More than any other self-help book I've seen, this one clearly points the way to satisfying relationships."--Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Ed.D., ABPP, Distinguished Professor, Governors State University, Editor of The Intimate Couple

From the Inside Flap

In this long-awaited follow-up to their seminal Conscious Loving, Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks take on two of the most pressing problems that sap vitality and energy from our committed relationships: how to forge a closer relationship that still allows each partner full creative autonomy, and how to generate the passion and preserve the harmony essential to keeping long-term partnerships alive and blooming.

Lasting Love grew out of the Hendricks' laboratory of their 23-year marriage as well as their 10-year study of more than 2,000 long-term, committed couples. They discovered that the most common couples conflicts could be traced to at least one of five root causes:

* An imbalance between the creative energy each partner contributes to the relationship
* A lack of emotional honesty
* An unwillingness to accept responsibility for everyday issues
* Deep-seated commitment problems
* A deficiency of daily appreciations

Using these insights as a starting point, the Hendricks devised a program based on five vital actions that simultaneously lead to a deeper flow of intimacy between partners and greater creative freedom for each individual:

* Spend time expressing your own creativity rather than focusing on "fixing" your partner
* Eliminate the barrier to speaking and hearing the truth about everything
* Break the cycle of blame and criticism
* Make commitments you can really stand by
* Become a master of verbal and nonverbal appreciation

Filled with helpful real-life scenarios and straightforward advice, Lasting Love is an essential guide for anyone involved in a long-term relationship who wants it not only to last but to flourish.

Relationship experts and best-selling authors Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks are a happily married couple of more than 20 years, from whom other relationship experts seek advice. Pioneers in the field of body-centered psychotherapy, together, Gay and Kathlyn have written four books, which have sold nearly half a million copies.The Hendricks have two children and two granddaughters and live in Ojai, California.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Books (January 17, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1579548326
• ISBN-13: 978-1579548322
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.7 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #284,270 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Gay Hendricks has served for more than thirty years as one of the major contributors to the fields of relationship transformation and body-mind therapies. Throughout his career, Dr. Hendricks has coached more than eight hundred executives, including the top management at firms such as Dell, Hewlett-Packard, Motorola, and KLM. Along with his wife, Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks, he has coauthored many books including Conscious Loving, The Corporate Mystic, and his latest, the New York Times bestseller Five Wishes, which has been translated into seventeen languages. Dr. Hendricks received his Ph.D. in counseling psychology from Stanford University. After a twenty-one-year career as a professor at the University of Colorado, he founded the Hendricks Institute, which offers seminars in North America, Asia, and Europe. He is also the founder of a new virtual learning center for transformation, www.gaiailluminationuniversity.com,
and The Spiritual Cinema Circle.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Learn what successful couples already know, January 13, 2004

By 

Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship (Hardcover)

One of the most interesting books on relationships that I have ever read, "Lasting Love: The Five Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship" is a must read for anyone seeking to repair or strengthen their relationship. By studying people in successful long-term committed relationships Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have found five things in common among all of them. The authors don't pull any punches either as they start right off with the fact that you must take responsibility for your actions. It is only after taking responsibility for your actions that you can change them and take responsibility for your relationship. So the first secret is to understand commitment and take responsibility for a new kind of commitment. The remaining secrets are emotional honesty, establishing a no-blame relationship, dealing with unequal amounts of creative energy being put into the relationship, and engaging in acts of appreciation on a daily basis.

Each one of the secrets is examined in detail as the authors describe the problem, give examples of dialogue between couples that demonstrates the problem, and clearly define the path for moving forward. The result is a vital growing relationship that grows stronger each year instead of waning over time. This is not easy stuff that you can just read once, do it, and have your relationship entirely changed in a couple of hours. It involves internal reflection and examination of your self, your motivations, and your past. For some this will require too much work, but for anyone who is having difficulty in their relationship and really wants to make a change this is a roadmap to success.

"Lasting Love: The Five Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship" is a very highly recommended read for anyone in a long-term relationship or considering one.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars well written and easy to understand, March 6, 2004

By 

Harriet Klausner - See all my reviews
(#1 Hall OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship (Hardcover)

The Hendricks make a strong case that people can achieve much if not all they want out of life while also becoming closer to their significant other if they are willing to commit the time and effort to do so. LASTING LOVE provides a method to achieve a closer commitment with a loved one. Based on a study of 2000 plus couples, the Hendricks isolated five prime causes that often kill relationships: (1) "an imbalance between the creative energy each partner contributes ..." (2) "a lack of emotional honesty" (3) "an unwillingness to accept responsibility ..." (4) "deep-seated commitment problems" and (5) "a deficiency of daily appreciations". The Hendricks offer detailed solutions to overcome any of these obstacles to include an action plan to change the relationship for the better. Finally there are joint activities aimed at improved communication between partners.

LASTING LOVE: The 5 Secrets Of Growing A Vital, Conscious Relationship is well written and easy to understand. The anecdotal stories and sample dialogs enable the reader to better comprehend what the Hendricks are describing. However, though a strong self help book, it takes two to apply and many couples will find the cost of adhering to the entire meticulous program quite difficult, but those who do will feel rewarded. Even using segments though not intended that way is useful. I tried a few exercises with my spouse and the communication techniques with my son. Though we honestly talked I did not like hearing what my son said about my book reviewing "obsession".

Harriet Klausner

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Lasting Love, February 5, 2004

By 

Roger Roark (WEST FRIENDSHIP, MD USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship (Hardcover)

Gay and Kathlyn have done it again! In Lasting Love they have included everything they have learned about creative, conscious, loving relationships since they wrote Conscious Loving in 1990. They walk the reader through the five secrets of creating and maintaining a lasting, close, incredible relationship. In the ER section, they provide immediate, helpful assistance for readers whose relationships are in crisis. This is the book for anyone who wants to create an incredible, close, intimate, loving relationship.