97 of 98 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Enjoyable read, application-oriented tool for all marriages, June 29, 1999
This review is from: A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage (Paperback)
This is the most useful, application-oriented book on how to build a great marriage I have ever read. Chapter two identifies four specific behaviors that are life threatening to marriage. It is based on a huge data bank of research. One study evaluated many couples over a 12 year period, some beginning before they were even actually married. Evaluations were conducted through multiple, extensive interviews and videotaping of the couple's interactions over the years, which were then reviewed by a team of reasearchers. Presence of the four specific behaviors were predictors of divorce with up to 91% accuracy. Each behavior is examined and tools provided to break these habits. Each section of the book is intensly valuable for couples with good marriages and for those in serious trouble. There are samples of different disputes, communications, and problem solving done by couples in real life situations. There are many self tests, and questions for discussion that really help couples identify clearly where their marriages are great and where they could be better. Best of all, these tools are all related back to scripture to solidify the true value and importance of building and protecting a great marriage. I will buy this book for my married adult children and recommend it to every married couple I know! It is a MUST have!
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49 of 49 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Highly practical and life-changing book, January 5, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage (Paperback)
As a military chaplain, I have found "A Lasting Promise" to be one of the most effective tools to use with couples at every stage of the life cycle. Premarital couples, young marrieds, couples with children, and more mature couples have benefitted greatly from the principles presented in this fine work. Based on extensive research, the principles so clearly presented and illustrated in "A Lasting Promise" will revolutionize your marriage and your work as a counselor with premarital and married couples. Don't miss making this resource a part of your toolbox for enhancing your relationships!! -Military Chaplain
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30 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great guide for both Christian clinicians and couples, September 29, 2005
This review is from: A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage (Paperback)
Part One: Handling Conflict / Protecting Your Marriage
Ch. 1: Oneness
Ch. 2: Four Key Patterns That Destroy Oneness
Ch. 3: Communicating Safely and Clearly: The Speaker-Listener Technique
Ch. 4: Problem Solving
Ch. 5: Ground Rules for Protecting Your Marriage from Conflict
Part Two: Going Deeper
Ch. 6: Issues and Events
Ch. 7: Unmet Expectations and What to Do About Them
Ch. 8: Understanding Commitment
Ch. 9: The Power of Commitment
Ch. 10: Forgiveness and the Restoration of Intimacy
Part Three: The Great Things
Ch. 11: Preserving and Protecting Friendship
Ch. 12: Increasing Your Fun Together
Ch. 13: Enhancing and Protecting Your Sex Life
Ch. 14: Spiritual Intimacy and Oneness
This book is a useful, easy to read and application and goal oriented book written for a wide audience. If I would to compare this book with other books on the topic of marriage, I would say this book can be described as "The Christian version of Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." The reason why I use the above description is because this book is similar to Gottman's book with plenty of easy to read and easy to follow cognitive principles and exercises; however, this book is based on God's wisdom in the Bible which is different from Gottman's approach which also gives a very refreshing view of cognitive therapy from the Christian perspective. This book is focused on practical action of how a Christian couple can take to strengthen their marriage, but I think this book is still useful for non-Christians. Many practical examples and actions mentioned are needed in today's marriages.
There are 3 major sections in this book. Part one starts with the most important message: oneness in marriage and oneness in Christ. This first chapter really gives Christian couples the true meaning of marriage in Christ and the rest of the part one gives basic techniques to teach couples how to handle conflicts and difficult issues. Part two goes beyond part one's basic techniques and talks about deeper issues and events happened in marriage or earlier in lives. Part two gives couples a great concept of how commitment in marriage works which I think many of the secular books do not stress the importance on this issue. However, if you are looking for very thorough analysis on internal hurt and attachment issues, part two only offers very limited information on the deeper issues. It is still a cognitive directed book. Finally, part three focuses on positive aspects like friendship, fun, sexuality and spirituality of how to make marriage work. I thought the authors did a good job by ending this book with a very positive note to allow the full mystery of oneness to be expressed between the couple.
This book is a very practical guide and it offers many strategies with the support from Bible verses. At the end of each chapter, there are useful exercises to help the readers to capture the concepts of the chapter. I like this book because it is very easy to read with tons of useful information and it is designed for Christian readers to strengthen their marriages. From the book, it is easy to see where in the Bible you can find verses to support authors' ideas. Even though this book is designed for Christian readers, I think many of the concepts and exercises are still useful for non-Christians. But if you are trying to find a book which talks about deeper attachment issues, then this book is not for you. It offers many cognitive tips and exercises and I think this book should be a companion book to other marriage counseling books for a Christian therapist.
I would recommend this book for Christian therapist and Christian couples. I think even though it is a very practical and easy-read guide, non-Christians might not appreciate the references in Bible and the beliefs in the book; however, a therapist can definitely use this book to help his or her non-Christian clients by using the concept and exercises in the book.
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