Customer Reviews

The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I have been desperate to get my husband to help me more with the house and kids and this is the first book I've read that takes the subject seriously. Rather than give the usual simplistic formulas, Coleman looks carefully at the many ways that men can be helped to change their behavior. It's a good read too, entertaining but also really informative.

Coleman thoroughly reviewed the relevant literature on the transition to new parenthood and how it impacts the marital relationship. That plus his own experience, and from couples he counselled, are the sources for this book, and that wide range shows throughout. Great ideas, wonderful pointers to more good ideas. Coleman aimed this squarely at women and explains why: men aren't that unhappy about the deal they are getting. Most of the book is about what women can do to change themselves to change what they get out of their relationship -- there is some great, detailed information about how to negotiate in a wide variety of situations (unlike Shields admirable _How to Avoid the Mommy Trap_, which really applies in only one kind of marriage). The chapter at the end aimed at men is good, also.

The field can still use more entries, but in the meantime, this is a great place to go for ideas on how to survive being a new parent in a world which is not very supportive of being a new parent, and where marriages suffer as a result.

This book can save your marriage, or improve it substantially at the least. I found it's no nonsense but caring approach to a serious topic that plagued me (and millions of others) extremely helpful. Better support of my spouse has led to a better marriage in every way, and a happier me and my spouse.

I'm a new mother of twins and recommend this to all women. My husband and I have been having a lot of problems figuring out how to divide the housework and parenting in a way that feels good to both of us. This is the best book I've seen that makes clear suggestions for both people.

This is a highly readable, practical, and fun book. Dr Coleman says that he is a former lazy husband and it's not hard to believe since he clearly knows every trick in the trade that men are known to employ. I particularly like that it's well-researched and substantive without getting too academic sounding. As a mother of very young children, I have found his techniques easy to implement and positive in tone. Strongly recommended.

My wife and I read this book together. While I don't consider myself to be a lazy husband, I could relate to a few of the personas that Dr. Coleman outlined. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and by reading the book, I was able to better understand how that affected my wife and our relationship.

The net result is very positive. By asserting ourselves, having better dialogue and creating a planned approach, we were able to patch up some of our major domestic potholes. In doing so, our relationship is on a much better track. This book was instrumental in getting us there.

Highly recommended. Don't be afraid to read it together!

Gosh.. my husband is wonderful, but soooo sloppy!! I wish this title were different. I put a sticker over the title in case my husband found it. I labeled it "Helping My Wonderful, Adorable, Clueless Husband understand How to Help Me Out Around the House" He found the book and was still a little insulted, but I have noticed a difference in how I talk to him about what I need and he seems to want to try harder to help. This book helps you communicate your needs without insulting your husband. Only problem is.. the title is insulting. Needs a new title!!

I think this book is helpful, but frankly until women stop putting up with the role we trap ourselves into, men will always resist until we use our charms and sweet ways to convince them to do what every adult male or female should do. The responsibility for adult living should be squarely on both partners -- I refuse to be 100% responsible for everything. Mind you, that may be the breaking point -- I don't blame men for sitting around if we are willing to tiptoe and dance around. We have not come very far at all.... So very sad....

Dr. Coleman supplies hands-on solutions to one of the biggest problems women report to me at www.MommaSaid.net: "My husband doesn't help with the kids or the house."

In "The Lazy Husband," you'll find out how to fix the problem, or at least make it better, so that you're less burdened with all the work that goes into running a household. And your husband will see why a happy mom/wife makes for a happy family.

Great book. I would suggest that anyone read this book, whether you are single and thinking of marriage and a family and planning your career, or if you are already down that path somewhat.

I am a Gen-X woman with a successful career whose biological clock has run while I have searched in vain for a man who would recognize my paid work as being as important as his, who took parenting and emotional health as seriously as I did, and who would also do the work of managing work/family balance. Some of the reason it has not worked out for me is not just having trouble finding a good man but because of many years recovering from trauma from the patriarchal home in which I grew up (where emotions were stifled, the father was the constant center of attention and the mother was unable to see herself as an autonomous adult parent) so that I myself wasn't really capable of being a good parent until my bio clock had largely run.

As Coleman notes, economic autonomy and economic responsibility in the woman's hands makes a huge difference in the health of the family, including preventing children from suffering from ADD, other emotional health problems, and possibly even autism spectrum disorders, especially when the father is emotionally available and adopts a dual-focus (parenting and earning) along with the mother, rather than just focusing on his career or even just focusing on his career and competitive activities with children.

Although I have huge sadness that this hasn't worked out for me, and I know much of this is because other women were willing (at least on the surface) to cater to male-centric and father-centric marriage and I wasn't, I don't really see any other way but to hold out for what children really need. The best route to a shared parenting marriage is to marry a man who wants it too. Amy Vachon wrote a book with her husband, Marc, that discusses how they met and set up their marriage that way. She came at it from wanting equality (and having her father commit suicide when she was a gradeschooler and her mother struggle after that to establish herself). Marc came at it from wanting balance in his life and not to be consumed by his career. I'd recommend highly their book "Equally Shared Parenting" and blog to anyone in these situations as well. There are also Meetup support groups now in Philadelphia and Ann Arbor, MI, I believe, and maybe some more to come.

Let's get this fixed, i.e make it easier and less "against the grain" to choose shared parenting/shared earning.