Customer Reviews

Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box

5 star:		(237)
4 star:		(46)
3 star:		(13)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(15)

 

 

This is a most unusual book on leadership. The premise here is not about leadership approaches, methodologies for managing employees in the workplace, or other business strategy, but is instead a close and powerful look at how we view others and how that view impacts our ability to lead them.

The first unusual aspect of this book is the manner in which it is written. It is basically a novel. It starts with contextual story written in first person, of a man who has recently joined a successful company as an executive and is called in to meet personally with the Company senior leader. From the first few pages I was anticipating and wanting to know what would happen next. It is within this method that the leadership principles are revealed. This is an extremely important way to deliver a message. I know a few people who do not read novels, but stick to non-fiction types of books. This is a tremendous loss, as truth is most eloquently and powerfully conveyed within the context of a story. In the New Testament for example, Jesus taught most powerfully in parables, weaving truth into a common story people could relate to. In that manner this book weaves some powerful messages about leadership into a modern day parable of a business executive.

The concept presented in this book of what leadership is, is also a more unusual one in that the focus is not on "what" we do behaviorally to others, our outward leadership style, as most leadership books focus on, but rather our inward view of these individuals as people. The foundational question is whether we are "in the box" or not. "In the box" refers generally to viewing others as objects through our own biased lens, which often without our knowledge inflates our self-importance while diminishing theirs. When reading this story I couldn't help but draw parallels to companies I have worked for, like GE, where the culture of leadership was in place, but despite all the tools most managers were not effective delivering them. This book will give one explanation on why.

This book is personally challenging, in that the focus is not on how we act in that compartment of our lives called work, but rather who we are in relation to others in our family, our workplace, and strangers in our society. I think that the message here should be experienced, so I will not lay out all the components of the book, but rather encourage you to read to be likewise challenged about your own leadership and approach to others.

One other review here I noticed was titled "could be life changing". I agree. While the basic concept is not new, the packaging of this idea is so eloquently and powerfully done, that I would guess you may also experience some awareness bursts as I did while reading it. I found myself re-examining many aspects of how I lead my team at work, how I interact with peers and co-workers, and how I related to my wife. Simply put, a great book on leadership that would benefit anyone who reads it. Well done.

I hate business books. Hate them.
My parents and siblings practically insisted I read Stephen Covey's jargon-rich "The Seven Habits..." and I got as far as something about the "P/PC principle" before deciding I'd had too much. Just seeing print ads for "Who moved my cheese?" makes me want to vomit.
That said, this is not really a business book. It's a book about truly being a better person, and by being a better person, being a better spouse, parent, boss, friend, citizen, and employee. The whole concept of the book is one simple idea: treat people as if they're people, not as if they're objects.
Some car cuts you off in traffic?
Get mad!
No. A car didn't cut you off. A person did. Why? Why would a person do that? Have YOU yourself ever cut someone off? You did? Why did you?
"Well, I was in a hurry. I was late for an appointment...."
Well, maybe that guy was too....
Using this simple approach, the world can be a much nicer place, you can spend a lot less time being angry or frustrated, and you could end up liking people a lot more.
Unlike books like "How to Win Friends and Influence People," this book is not about tricks, or flattery, or social politics. It's about truly seeing people as real individuals, and then, it doesn't matter what you need to say to them, as long as they can tell you realize they're a real human being with real needs and concerns. Because to truly see someone, is to truly value them.
This book isn't perfect--it uses some pretty fruity terminology at times, its format of a boss talking with an employee is a little cheesy, and it ends abruptly--but it could change your life nonetheless. One reviewer said, "Upon finishing this book, I felt like Ebeneezer Scrooge on Christmas morning," and I'd have to agree.
In fact, I'm going to re-read it, and get that feeling back again.

Those who think highly of Who Moved My Cheese? will find this book especially valuable as they attempt to understand why so many people create their own problems, are unable to see that they are creating their own problems, and then resist any attempts by others to help them stop this disruptive cycle.

The authors create a hypothetical situation in which a recently hired senior-level executive, Tom Callum, is settling into his new duties at Zagrum Company. He is surprised to learn that part of his orientation involves understanding what is identified to him as "the box." As revealed in the narrative which develops (Tom is the narrator), self-betrayal occurs when we fail to do what we know we should do. Rather than accept responsibility, we blame someone else. As this pattern of self-deception continues, we begin to see the world in a way that justifies us. As a result, whether we realize it or not (probably not), we find ourselves in "the box."

It is important to understand that the box is not a fixed enclosure. People haul it around wherever they go, from one situation to the next, indeed from one job to the next, and from one marriage to the next. At the end of the business day, they take it home with them. I like the box metaphor because it correctly suggests enclosure and captivity. But in a sense, the box also resembles apparel. A raincoat, for example.

Those who are in the box should have two separate but related objectives: Get out of the box and then stay out of the box. How? Good question. Through their skillful presentation of various conversations between and among Tom and his associates at Zagrum Company, the authors answer that question by offering several specific suggestions. It would be inappropriate for me to reveal them now.

But think about it. How many times have you been in this situation? You know what you should do for another person but you don`t do it. This is self-betrayal. (Sound familiar?) Then you devise all manner of self-justifications. Perhaps you have said something to the effect that "It's not my job" or "It's not my responsibility" or "It wouldn't make any difference to her anyway" or "He got what he deserves." This is self-deception.

By the end of the book, Tom has completed Phase 1 of what the authors identify as a three-phase Results System™ and we have accompanied him each step of the way. The book ends with much of his personal growth yet to be completed.

At this point, I offer a word of caution: Please do not conclude that this brief commentary reveals everything you need to know about this remarkable book. I urge you to obtain a copy immediately and read it, then re-read it. It can be valuable to your understanding of why so many people create their own problems, are unable and/or unwilling to see that they are creating their own problems, and then resist any attempts by others to help them stop creating those problems.

This book will be even more valuable if you are among them...the "so many people."

I read the Amazon reviews before buying this book and was intrigued by the overwhelming endorsement of most readers. Having had a tendency to look for panaceas--the key to solving all my problems in life--I bought it and began reading it with the usual enthusiasm. By the end I thought, "I've been had." After concluding the presentation of ideas that may or may not be substantial, the author(s) reveal that this is only step one of three, and the remaining steps cost more money, probably much more. It's a little distressing to start a book that offers to provide life-changing principles (with endorsements from big-name corportate trainers like Steven Covey), only to find at the end that I've just joined the feeder group for follow-up seminars. One has to wonder if the book contains in full the answers it seems to promise up front, or do I have to cough up the big bucks to find out how to really apply this stuff? I don't dismiss the validity of the ideas the book contains--I have to test them out in the school of life--but I do think it might be more fair to tell the reader at the outset that this is in essence an advertorial. While it's probably reasonable that the author(s) should get some return on years of cogitation, in its present form it comes across as modern sophism, "We can teach you whatever you need to know--for money."

There are three types of business books. The first has the literary taste and texture of recycled cardboard, with platitudes as plentiful as the mosquitoes on your last camping trip. Then there are the "empty calorie" books, offering a fleeting sense of exhilaration--that is, until you actually stop to ponder how any of this feel-good nonsense is really going to make a difference in your day-to-day work experience. On occasion, one finds a book that is both pleasing to read and at the same time provides information that can be applied directly to improving one's work performance and enjoyment. Leadership and Self-Deception, by the Arbinger Institute, falls into this latter category.

Although targeted towards the business leader, L&SD explores a fundamental problem that is not necessarily limited to the world of the corporate jungle. The problem, which is both philosophically deep yet surprisingly simple, is self-deception. A founding principle of the book is that we are self-deceived when we have a problem, but don't know that we do, resulting in perceptions and actions that are damaging and counter-productive. L&SD clearly illustrates how we become self-deceived and, more importantly, how we can remove ourselves from this predicament.

L&SD is surprisingly fresh, insightful, and potentially rewarding for those who put the principles into practice. From the preface: "Our experience in teaching about self-deception and its solution is that people find this knowledge liberating. It sharpens vision, reduces feelings of conflict, enlivens the desire for teamwork, redoubles accountability, magnifies the capacity to achieve results, and deepens satisfaction and happiness." This was precisely my experience with reading the book.

Read it, absorb it, ponder it, be changed!

This is a fascinating story illustrating a set of principles which, because of the fundimental truths involved, has the power to change lives. This book reminds me of reading "The Greatest Salesman in the World" and though different in style and scope, should be as big as any of Og Mandino's best-sellers. I believe it will be once the word gets out to those who seek inspiration from the worlds best books.

This isn't just another "how to" type book. I personally found that I have been "in the box" of self deception for much of my life. I didn't realize, until it crystalized on the pages of this book, how much I have been blaming others for that which I should have been accepting responsibility.

I don't consider myself a great leader of men, but this book speaks to me personally and applies to all who have relationships within this great human family.

Leadership and Self-Deception is more than a book. It's a powerful key to change--personal and professional. Don't expect to read it without being transformed, at least if you read it honestly. It speaks to the heart of human relations isues like not other business book I have encountered. I was stunned, and I'd have to say awakened, by its explanation of interpersonal problems--and I mean the whole range of problems. And I love how the ideas unfold in fiction where I met myself fact to face in the stories of the characters in the book. I truly could not put it down--nor can I resist picking it back up, pondering and applying it. It ranks way at the top of the most powerful life-changing pieces of literature I've read in my lifetime. A must-read for everyone in and outside of business.

I expected more than this:

People problems are at the root of most problems.
Self deception affects every aspect of life; it is the central problem of leadership.

More than your external behavior, people respond to how you feel about them. Do you see them as full persons or as objects or problems? They can tell. When you see others as less than full persons, you are "in the box" toward them. The box is a metaphor for our resistance to seeing and honoring others as full persons.

Self-deception is caused by:
1. Self-betrayal (an act contrary to what you feel you should do for another)
2. THEN self-justification of the self-betrayal.
The fundamental self-betrayal at work is: failing to do what you are hired to do - failing to fully help your organization achieve results.

Self-deception causes us to be "in the box":
1. inflating others' faults
2. inflating my virtues
3. blaming others
4. being self-centered
Being in the box feeds self-deception making a vicious cycle.

How to get out of the box:
You are out the moment you desire to be out of the box -- the moment you desire to see and treat others as full persons

Nothing will get you out without real desire to be out.
not trying to change others
not coping with others
not leaving
not communicating
not skills or techniques
not new behaviors

Summary:
1. Be out of the box: desire to see and honor others as full persons
2. THEN stay out of the box: really DO what you feel you should do, doing the best you can in your circumstances. This must include: really focus on results, solutions and what you can do to help, be accountable and responsible, really be open to correction, really seek to learn, and actively seek to teach.

Is any of this something you didn't know?
It is all good, but is it 5 star content?
Tell me what I am missing, please.

Instead, check out:
"Change the World" by Quinn
and
"Getting Things Done when You are not in Charge"

This book tells of a manager, a CEO, a father, and a 19th century scientist who while searching diligently for their problems "out there" find that the problem is within themselves. If you're familiar with systems thinking you'll understand the science behind it. But the beauty of the book is that it's written as a business fable that follows one character through his self-discovery and correction. Along the way, you'll be drawn in as you find yourself relating to the character's challenges wanting to know what happens next in order to help yourself.

The best way to illustrate the premise behind the book, without revealing the secrets is by retelling the story of the 19th scientist, Dr Ignaz Semmelweis. As an obstetrician in the maternity ward at Vienna General Hospital he observed a high 1 in 10 mortality rate, while next door where the midwives delivered babies the mortality rate was only 1 in 50. Semmelweis researched and tested and experimented, only to discover to his horror that the doctors, who were also experimenting on cadavers, were carrying small 'particles' back to the maternity ward that sickened the women. He discovered "germs" -- and he discovered that the high mortality rate was not caused by something "out there" but by himself.

Leadership and Self-Deception sets out to answer the problem: "How can people simultaneously (1) create their own problems, (2) be unable to see that they are creating their own problems, and yet (3) resist any attempts to help them stop creating those problems?"

As I coach, I help people to recognize their role in their problems and their options to do something about it. I'm always amazed when a client resists working toward a solution because the existence of the problem provides some sort of perverse justification for my client's way of acting or a view of the world. This is self-deception. Profound. The book makes it clear that humans do this quite regularly. Indeed, I clearly saw myself in the book's story.

I won't give away the ending or the solution, only to say that the book takes the reader on a satisfying, yet challenging journey to examine inner motivations, self-betrayal, self-justification, blame of others, and what we can do to stop the cycle. We can't control other people's behavior, but we can choose our response, and this is where the power of personal responsibility lies.

With a balanced approach the book assists the reader to take responsibility for changing the world around them by changing themselves.

I like the premise for this book and I liked the structure of the story. The authors raise some valid points and provide good ideas. I was very disappointed with the ending . You discover that the hero has only completed phase 1 and the other two phases aren't going to be covered. I was left feeling that this book was really a piece of marketing liturature from the Arbinger Institute to sell more of their services