Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box [Paperback]

Arbinger Institute (Author)

Book Description

Release date: January 5, 2010

Since its original publication in 2000, Leadership and Self-Deception has become a word-of-mouth phenomenon. Its sales continue to increase year after year, and the book’s popularity has gone global, with editions now available in over twenty languages.

Through a story everyone can relate to about a man facing challenges on the job and in his family, the authors expose the fascinating ways that we can blind ourselves to our true motivations and unwittingly sabotage the effectiveness of our own efforts to achieve success and increase happiness.

This new edition has been revised throughout to make the story even more compelling. And drawing on the extensive correspondence the authors have received over the years, they have added a section that outlines the many ways that readers have been using Leadership and Self-Deception to improve their lives and workplaces—areas such as team building, conflict resolution, and personal growth and development, to name a few.

Read this extraordinary book and discover what millions already have learned—how to consistently tap into an innate ability that dramatically improves both your results and your relationships.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“This is a profound book, with deep and sweeping implications. It is engaging, fresh, easy to read, and packed with insights. I couldn’t recommend it more highly.”
—Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

“Extraordinary . . . Five Stars.”
—Business Ethics

“This is the most profound and practical business book I have ever read! Everyone I have recommended this book to has been challenged intellectually and also touched emotionally. It is a must-read that I will give to my kids to read before they begin their careers.”
—Tom A. DiDonato, Vice President, Human Resources, American Eagle Outfitters

“I love this book. It identifies the central issue in all organizational performance. Like truth itself, this book reveals more with each re-examination. I highly recommend it.”
—Doug Hauth, Business Development Manager, Convio, Inc.

“Imagine working in an organization where the aim of your colleagues is to help you achieve your results. I could not believe it possible. After reading this book I just had to bring Arbinger to the UK to teach our people. What an experience! We are all better people for it. This book touches the very foundation of culture, teamwork, and performance.”
—Mark Ashworth, President and CEO, Butcher’s Pet Care, UK

“It’s rare to find a business book that is good enough to recommend to your boss, your work team, and your friends. The concepts in this book
have transformed both the way I work and the way I live.”
—Robert W. Edwards, Managing Director, Sales, FedEx

“After decades of executive leadership in senior management positions,
I’ve finally found in Arbinger what I consider to be the best means of improving every measure of success. From boosting the bottom line to increasing personal joy, this book shows the way.”
—Bruce L. Christensen, former President and CEO, PBS

“This astonishing book is a MUST-read for every executive or personal and professional coach.”
—Laura Whitworth, coauthor of Co-Active Coaching, and cofounder, The Coaches Training Institute

“The concepts in this book are powerful. They are fundamental to success whether on the playing field, in the office, or perhaps most importantly, at home. Read this book and you’ll see what I mean.”
—Steve Young, two-time NFL Most Valuable Player

“Rarely has a book had such an immediate and profound impact on
the hundreds of CEOs of fast growth firms we work with through our
MIT/Inc./EO Executive Program. And it’s one of those rare books that
touches both the personal as well as professional lives of these leaders.”
—Verne Harnish, cofounder, Entrepreneurs’ Organization, and CEO, Gazelles, Inc.

“Leadership and Self-Deception is a touchstone for authentic leadership. Arbinger’s innovative exploration of what lies beneath behavior uplifts, enlightens, and transforms. We’ve wholeheartedly adopted Leadership and Self-Deception as the foundational material for our administrator development program.”
—Troy S. Buer, Educational Program Director, University of Virginia School of Medicine

“This is probably the most outstanding book that directs us to soul searching and introspection. It teaches us to take accountability for our lives and our destinies in a down-to-earth and bluntly practical manner. The lessons in this book have helped me personally, as well as other people I love.”
—Kalyan Banerjee, cofounder and Senior Vice President, MindTree

“The principles of Leadership and Self Deception provide the groundwork for our success as individuals and organizations. I recommend it highly to my fellow board members, to global networks, corporate clients, entrepreneurs, and individuals alike. “
—Heidi Forbes Öste, CEO and Founder, 2BalanceU and Public Relations, Europe Region, Business and Professional Women International

“Because it distills important leadership, spiritual, and life principles into one profound and impossible-to-put-down-book, Leadership and Self Deception is a treasure. MBA students in my classes share my enthusiasm for this rare book. You will surely return to this book again and again; and each time you do, it will be as penetrating a learning experience as the first time.”
—Barry Brownstein, CSX Chair in Leadership, University of Baltimore

“The leadership principles in this book have had a greater impact on the quality of leadership in our company than anything we have ever implemented. They have been extraordinarily important in helping make our company a great place to work while at the same time helping us focus on results and increase productivity as never before.”
—Michael Stapley, President and CEO, DMBA

“While reading, I reviewed my life, and, sure enough, what successes there were in it were based on Arbinger’s principles. This book is a tool that could transform and elevate the way government functions!”
—Mark W. Cannon, former Administrative Assistant to the Chief Justice of the United States and Staff Director, Commission on the Bicentennial of the U.S. Constitution

“Simple . . . clear . . . powerful. With many years of experience in leadership, organizational development, and training I was surprised to find
something strike me with such impact.”
—Janet Steinwedel, President, Leaders Insight

“As a therapist I was pleasantly surprised to find that a book geared toward managers could have such far-reaching implications in my life and the lives of my clients. I believe the ideas in this book could transform the counseling profession. It is now required reading for all my clients.”
—Jason Beard, family therapist

“Are you relating to the world anxiously or angrily, not comprehending why you hold judgmental attitudes, feel uncontrollable fear, or unleash explosions of temper against your colleagues without being able to explain why? Do you feel hopeless and unable to change? Learn the practical tools provided in this fascinating book and eliminate this problem at its source right now!”
—Marcos Cajina Heinzkill, Certified Coach and Facilitator, founder and President, Renewal, Spain

“Remarkable. Arbinger possesses the hidden key to productivity and creativity. Do whatever you can to get your hands on this material.”
—Dave Browne, former President and CEO, LensCrafters

“This book is a rare gem that is treasured by all who have read it. The organization for which I work has passed this book to so many people, and it is amazing to watch peoples’ attitudes and behaviors towards each other changing. Each day everyone gives a little more, making us better leaders but more importantly better people.”
—Nuala Murphy, Senior Vice President, Global Financial Services Company

“Leadership and Self-Deception holds up a brutally honest mirror to behavior in which we all indulge to justify our shortcomings. The result is not self-remorse or punishment but a glimpse of a life to be lived with integrity and freed of the boundaries and constraints we inflict upon ourselves and others. I am always excited to watch Arbinger’s thinking help my clients to unlock painful family disputes and lead them to resolution.”
—Neil Denny, family lawyer, Wiltshire, UK

“A remarkable book. It can be valuable to your understanding of why so many people create their own problems, are unable and/or unwilling to see that they are creating their own problems, and then resist any attempts by others to help them stop creating those problems.”
—Robert Morris, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer

“I’ve been in the book publishing business for twenty five years. Rarely have I read a book as profound and life-changing as Leadership and Self-Deception.”
—David Sanford, Literary Agent, Credo Communications

“This book was recommended to me at an annual strategic planning session. I was stunned by the truth of it and the simple solution. Our entire management has now read it. It has been a building block for our personal and organizational development.”
—Rick Chalk, CEO, Cal-tex Protective Coatings

“My business partners and I built a health-care company on the ideas in this book. We are amazed at what it has helped us achieve. Careful reading and rereading of this book has proven better than any productivity, team-building, or leadership training we’ve encountered.”
—Mark Ballif, CEO, Plum Healthcare

“An important book that has the potential to change the way you think, behave, and live your life, both personally and professionally.”
—Rolf Dobelli, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer

“Our Executive Committee read Leadership and Self-Deception nearly two years ago. Since then every member of our staff has read it. The
Arbinger approach adds tremendous value as we grow the company and integrate companies we acquire along the way.”
—Robin Hamill, Chairman, Igility Group

Book Description

Leadership and Self-Deception uses an entertaining story about an executive facing challenges at work and at home to expose the precise psychological processes that conceal our true motivations and intentions from us and trap us in a “box” of endless self-justification. Most importantly, the book shows us the way out. The book’s central insight—that the key to leadership lays not in what we do, but in who we are—has proved to have powerful resonances not only for organizational leadership, but in readers’ personal lives as well.

This new edition has been revised throughout to make the story more readable and compelling. And drawing on the extensive correspondence they’re received over the years the authors have added a section that outlines the many ways that readers have been using this book.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 216 pages
• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers; Second Edition edition (January 5, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1576759776
• ISBN-13: 978-1576759776
• Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (219 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #860 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #31 in Books > Business & Investing > Management & Leadership > Leadership
  • #99 in Books > Professional & Technical > Business Management

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

39 of 41 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Game-Changer December 27, 2011

By D. Kanigan VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Leadership and Self Deception was originally published in 2000 and has become an international bestseller with over 750,000 copies sold & translated into 22 languages. The book tells a story about a senior business executive who is struggling at the office and at home. (He doesn't know he's struggling professionally to optimize results - but he quickly learns this is the case.)

* This is a simple story, with a logical message. Yet, the story nicely explains that we all often fail to see that we have a problem. We do engage in self-deception. We do "unwittingly sabotage relationships at work and at home." And our actions do provoke a response that encourages the opposite of our intention.

* Part I explains "Self-Deception and the Box." Part II explains "How We Get In the Box." Part III explains "How We Get Out of the Box." Being "In the box" is seeing others as objects. "Out of the Box" is seeing yourself and others as people. (They make this come alive in the book.)

* As I was reading the book, particularly Part I and Part II, I was impressed at how they framed the narrative and discussion to make me realize how I've been deceiving myself. Several "AHA" moments here. Rather than give too much of the story line away - they use a simple example of a Business Executive sleeping and then hearing his infant crying - he knows that he should get up to help his spouse - he doesn't - he then justifies not getting up by mentally elevating his importance (he needs to get up early in the morning; he's the main bread winner; he's a good dad; he's the victim) while he mentally frames up his spouse who isn't getting up as being lazy, unappreciative, inconsiderate, etc. He elevates his own importance over his wife; he rationalizes why he is justified in not getting up to help the baby; he gets angry and this ultimately leads to a response which is opposite to what he was looking for. Even though no words are spoken.

* The "answer" will not be found in a new leadership strategy. It will not be found in developing a new communication skill or changing your behavior. It will not be found in trying to change someone to your way of thinking. The answer is changing "your way of being."

* I'm not a fan of parables because I have often found this format either too contrived or generally not relevant to me. Yet, I believe this story, the message and the anecdotes are universally applicable and true and will resonate with many readers.

* The < 200 page book is a quick and easy read. It should take you less than 3 hours.

* While the book is framed in a business context, it will benefit all readers: leaders, non-leaders, professionals and individuals in for-profits and non-for-profits.

* Any cons? I have two "nits." (1) You reach the end of the book to learn that Part II (Accountability Transformation System) and Part III (Monitoring System) are not discussed or included in the book and you would need to enroll in Arbinger's seminars to learn this. This was a bit deceptive and unnecessary in my opinion as the core message in the book remains powerful. They should have stripped these references from the story and included it in the appendix. (2) Later editions of the book were revised to include a section on "How to Use Leadership and Self-Deception" including hiring, team building, conflict resolution, accountability and personal growth and development. This section added very little utility - but again, it does not detract from the value of the book.

* So many self-help books leave no lasting value or impression - you get a quick high (if you are lucky) and the message evaporates. Not this one. This one will stick. Highly recommended.

82 of 94 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Lack of background research and simplistic view November 26, 2010

By Aerospace Engineer

Format:Paperback

This was a management book from work so I read it before seeing the reviews here. I was really looking forward to it because introspection and self deception among leaders are concepts I've thought about at work. After reading it however, I can't seem to understand why so many have such high praises for this book, though of course, the book itself has a ready answer for that -- I must be inside the box. The authors have done a good job there at least in setting up a concept where if you disagree with it, you haven't been enlightened yet.

My main comments:
a. Narrative form. While this can be good, it's overdone in this book. The characters are too flat and designed to be exactly what the authors need to make their point. No depth, no constraints on their actions. Just stick figures. Likewise the story is set up in self justifying little snippets.
b. The authors use the story format to set up strawman arguments and proceed to knock them down. No counterpoints or alternatives are allowed to mess up the narrative. Each time they get to a key point, they put it off for later with a "you're not ready for that yet" statement. Later turns out to be seminars your company can purchase.
c. No data or background research is presented. Mostly pop psychology presented in such a way to resonate with people, and like pop corn fills you up with no substance. The closest thing to data are random notes in the back about someone, somewhere, learning something.
d. The book is not complete in itself. It's a teaser for the seminars offered by the authors.
e. While there are some good points in here, they could as easily been covered in a two page white paper (or 862 PowerPoint slides)

Bottom line, if you read the reviews here, you will be given the entire message from the book.

30 of 37 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Felt kind of manipulated reading it July 10, 2010

By Darrell

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I bought Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box and The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict because I'll be starting a program in conflict resolution in a few months and I wanted to become more familiar with some of the basic concepts before I started. So far, I've only read Leadership and Self-Deception. I bought the two books because they are popular and were reviewed by a lot of people, and the majority of reviews were very positive. I have to admit I was in a bit of a rush, so I just read a couple of the very positive reviews as well as a couple of the very negative reviews befor I made my order.

When I received the books I was surprised to find they were written in narrative form. Because the books were written by an "institution" and not a specific author, I wrongly believed the style of the writing would be more scholarly or at a minimum journalistic. That's what I was looking for.

Because it was written as a narrative, I feel it's only fair to briefly review this aspect of the book. I found all of it very contrived, and I felt like I was being pushed along from point to point to point. All fictional narrative is about manipulating the thoughts and feelings of the reader (movie goer) and that's fine because it's a part of the contract between the narrative creator and the viewer. In the case of narrative in Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box I felt manipulation because the message (themes) were meant to be so clear. I think with fictional or journalist narratives the themes aren't supposed to be so on the nose or in the case of journalistic writing it's often just descriptive or factual. There is some room for interpretation. Anyway, for me, the narrative structure wasn't effective because I felt manipulated.

At the end of the book, there is a section on how the book changed people's lives but the lack of details about the individuals bothered me. For example, an unnamed police department in an unnamed major city uses the book. An unnamed CEO fired himself but not before hiring his unnamed replacement. For me, the lack of detail undermines the credibility of the message. I would have much preferred a research based approach with analysis of actual events. Generic anecdotes don't do it for me.

As for the message of the book, I thought many of anecdotes were interesting and universally true. I think there is value in becoming aware of how we deceive ourselves at times. And of course, we should see others has people and not as objects. I think if we made an attempt to treat others more genuinely the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, having an intellectual understanding of the concepts isn't enough to put them into practice. I believe this to be true and the authors of the book do mention this in the book. To do that, we'll need to pay for courses provided by the Arbinger Institute (or other organization). I think that's fine. From what I read about the institute, they do seem to have their hearts in the right place and they do seem to want to make people's lives and the world a better place and I don't see any reason why they shouldn't make some money from their efforts.

The bottom line for me was the book cost about $12.00, I read it in an afternoon, I learned a few things, and thought about myself a little bit more deeply. I'll try and keep the concepts in mind when dealing with others. I'll pass the book on to my wife to see what she thinks. It will give us something share (which is good), but I think I'll need to find some other books to read on the subject that better meet my needs. Any suggestions?