Customer Reviews

Leaving Deep Water: Asian American Women at the Crossroads of Two Cultures

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I started dating a Chinese man three years ago and have been very frusterated in trying to understand how he relates to both his family and his culture. This book was very helpful in presenting a first-hand account of the Asian-American experience. The women's accounts of their experiences growing up in families who are struggling to find a place between the old ways of their Asian cultures and the new culture of their peers were both moving and insightful. The book targets the most important areas where the need to assimilate and the desire to preserve precious culture merge; chosing a partner, raising children, and relationships with parents and family. Though this book is targeted at a female audience and all of the people interviewed for the testimonials were women, I believe this book speaks for all Asian-American people and offers insight for both sexes. After reading this book I had gained a new, informed, understanding of my fiance's challenges and a new respect for his, and all Asian-American's successes.

As a Chinese-American woman, the themes in this book resonated deeply with me. In fact, it articulated many thoughts that have been fomenting in my mind for quite sometime but that I could never articularte as clearly (and I consider myself quite articulate on these issues!). Although none of the sketches are exactly my experience; there were bit of almost everyone of of them that I could relate to. Furthermore the collage of voices made me feel that there is a group of Asian American women out there with whom I share a kindren spirit -- it is rare that a book resonates with me at such a level.

Others who have not had these experiences may not understand what comes across as "overt racism" in this book (e.g., parental objections to interracial marriage). However, the xenophobism of the older generation is the reality that many Asian Americans face, and the book does a great job of "telling it like it is" rather than trying to gloss over these issues is a more politically correct fashion.

I picked up this book a couple of years ago when I became involved with a woman who has lived in America many years but is still "very Chinese." It has been invaluable in helping to understand not only our own dynamic but her relations within her family and community, her siblings and her teen children who are becoming "very American."

There is a good deal that is universal for any immigrant group or family facing problems of acculturation and generational gap -- a lot sounds familiar from my own mother's experience coming from another, European, "old country" in the 1920's. But there is also much that is specific to Asian cultures, particularly the very extended (both chronologically and geographically) families, and the lack of (or very different) cultural role models for independence from the family.

This is also a just plain 'good read', with a variety of first person voices filtered through Chow's interviews. It's the individual stories that fascinate, and the author's commentary ties them together nicely, informed by her education as a therapist.

One previous reviewer, ragamala78, found objectionable the overt and subtle racism and ethnocentricity that pervade much of the book. I'm not sure if he expected the author to provide a resounding denunciation or what; but, though far from universal, these attitudes do exist and have to be acknowledged in any discussion of the subjects dealt with here. Chow does so, and lets us make our own judgement, or lets us simply be informed. One has to suspect she is making a subtle point in juxtaposing her subjects' bitterness at racist attitudes directed toward them with their bland matter-of-fact acceptence of racist attitudes toward non-Asians.

Interesting companions might be Fae Myenne Ng's "Bone" and the Mina Shum film "Double Happiness".

I am an Asian, first-generation immigrant woman who has been in the U.S. most of my life. This book has helped me to understand that some of my experiences had a universal quality to them. Several women, Claire Chow among them, explained their stories with such depth of feeling, I felt that they were describing mine as well. I read the book cover-to-cover as quickly as possible. I feel that anyone who has grown up feeling as though they didn't quite belong, know all the rules of the culture, or just felt out of step, would benefit from reading this book. Thank you, Ms. Chow, for letting me know I didn't go through this alone.

As an Asian Indian American who was born and raised in the Heartland, I found this book helped me understand my own experiences growing up between two cultures. I could never really understand nor articulate the tug-of-war I felt between my Indian hertiage and my alliegence to the only home I've ever known. Reading the experiences of Chow's book made my heart sing as the women she interviewed repeatedly touched on feelings I have always carried with me. This book made me understand the universality of growing up as Asian women in America and turmoil this position brings. I especially loved the way she set up the book in order of life-stages. Even though I have yet to reach some of these stages (parenthood and married life) I found the book made me reflect on how I myself would handle issues that arise from being a wife or a parent. This book is a must read for any Asian, despite criticism that it only reflects experiences of East-Asian women. I feel a lot of the issues and experiences raised in the book also applies to those of South-Asian decent.

this bok was very informative and comforting to a certain level. however, i don't think these qualities only apply to asian americans specifically. i think they could apply to other mixed cultures dealing with similar issues. i do think that some, like ramagala's review below, seems defensive perhaps from lacking a first hand understanding of treading between two cultures and thus feeling attacked by the book.

My boyfriend bought this for me to make me feel better because I was and still am having issues with my mother. Although Claire Chow doesn't provide any solutions on how to deal with Asian mothers, but reading about other Asian women who are experiencing the same kind of difficultly in relating to their mothers made me feel better. I refer to this book whenever I get into aguments with my mother or when she just simply pisses me off. I highly recommend it.

I found this book to be quite interesting, and as an asian American I found some comfort, as a person of mixed race I still feeel there is no book yet, but this is a start I do one thing to say in regards to ragamala78 someone who reviewed this book, For someone who's not of Asian descent I am not sure on her point of critiquing this book??? Perhaps her friend should have reviewed it here and not her.

This is not the type of book that I would normally pick up, but I got it for one simple reason: my girlfriend asked me to read it.

First though, I would like to talk about the positive things in the book, because I believe there is a lot of positive stuff here. It's just unfortunate you have to sift through dozens of pages of chaff to find a paragraph or even a sentence of wheat. (I might add that my girlfriend felt the same way too about most of the book...and she's Asian.)

The most valuable chapters I read are the ones on relationships to mothers, relationships to fathers, and the one about choosing a mate. Even those I must herald with caution though. Since I am not Asian, I wanted to read this, because she said it might help explain some of the dynamics of her family as well as letting me know why they aren't too keen on me. I couldn't agree more, I was amazed at how many parallels there were between certain situations in this book and the life of my girlfriend (once again, this pertains to the three chapters mentioned above.) If nothing else I'm glad I read those, because I have a greater understanding of what we are up against to get parental approval of our relationship.

Now for the bad stuff and the awful stuff: This book is full of both subtle and overt racism...some of it expressed reluctantly, some of it stated as cold hard fact. For instance, in the chapters about parental expectations in academic achievement (and other such similar issues) there was a constant theme insinuating that most other races don't have the burden of parental pressure to succeed in school. I can assure you from my experience, as well as that of my peers, that this is false. Not only was the grade of "B" not accepted, "A-" grades opened you to questioning about "why were your grades so close to a 'B?'" I assure you all that this is not isolated to just me. I come from a community were academics are EXTREMELY important and failure to do well in them reflects poorly on all. That was one of the more subtle instances of racism in the book...the assumption that whites (and others) don't expect their children to excel.

The worst that I came across was when marriages were being discussed. Many people's only objection to interracial marriages were that they didn't like whites, blacks, latinos, etc. No other reason. Some people were defiant in their stance against racism, some didn't defend their parents' views but shrugged it off because it was their parents, others acquiesced, and others adamentally (yet in a subtle manner...what a paradox) agreed to both the moral and intellectual inherent superiority of Asian people. No one stated it so boldly, but it is not hard to read between the lines. If such things were written by white people they would be branded as heretics of "American multicultural ideology." Racism is racism no matter what color mouth it comes out of or what color mind it is formed in. (I would once again like to reiterate that my Asian girlfriend found this to be true too. She was quite upset members of her community could speak such things so freely.)

I certainly don't negate any of the racism some of these people experienced (or still do experience for that matter.) Racism is an ugly scar on society's face. I just can't justify some of these things. I don't know what it is like to be an Asian woman (as a matter of fact I don't know what its like to be Asian or a woman) but I do know racism when I see it.

I don't mean to chastise the whole book because there are some great things in it. Its just unfortunate that it is also full of rubbish.

As bizarre as this might seem, I still recommend parts of this book. My suggestion is to proceed with caution and to filter the junk so you are left with the pearls that are here.