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Leaving the Hall Light On [Kindle Edition]

Madeline Sharples
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (142 customer reviews)

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Book Description



"A moving read of tragedy, trying to prevent it, and coping with life after." - Midwest Book Review

"Brave and Gritty. Innovative. Resourceful. Inspiring." - Story Circle Book Reviews

"Poetically visceral, emotionally honest. An extraordinary memoir." - Irvin D. Godofsky, MD

"Moving, intimate and very inspiring." - Mark Shelmerdine, CEO, Jeffers Press

"A sad but beautifully written book for anyone who has lost someone they love." - Dina Kucera, author of Everything I Never Wanted to Be

Leaving the Hall Light On: A Mother's Memoir of Living with Her Son's Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide charts the near-destruction of one middle-class family whose son committed suicide after a seven-year struggle with bipolar disorder. Madeline Sharples, author, poet and web journalist, goes deep into her own well of grief to describe her anger, frustration and guilt. She describes many attempts -- some successful, some not -- to have her son committed to hospital and to keep him on his medication. The book also charts her and her family's redemption, how she considered suicide herself, and ultimately, her decision live and take care of herself as a woman, wife, mother and writer.

A note from the author: I encourage you to read my book if you have been touched by bipolar disorder or suicide. And even if you have not, my book will inspire you to survive your own tragedies. As author Jessica Bell says: Leaving the Hall Light On is "a remarkable book and it SHOULD be read."

A note from the publisher: I have seen Madeline Sharples read from her memoir and talk about her son's suicide at multiple events. Afterwards, people always come up to Madeline to tell her "My son killed himself too" or "My husband committed suicide," etc. Sometimes the people can't even talk. They are in tears, and they just want to hold Madeline's hand for a minute or ask for a hug. Clearly, there are a lot of people who have experienced the suicide of a loved one. And clearly, they don't have many opportunities to share their grief. That's why they are quick to embrace Madeline when they hear her story. They connect, and they always thank her for sharing her story. I tell you this because I have heard from a small handful of people who believe that Madeline is selfish to focus on her story when the real victim of this tragedy was her son. I find that criticism hypocritical on multiple fronts. Madeline would be the first to agree that the person who suffered most is Paul, her son. There is no question about that. And Madeline honors Paul's memory by volunteering her time to prevent suicide and erase the stigma of mental illness -- and by telling Paul's story in the first part of the book. But Paul is gone, and the tragedy did not end with his suicide. For survivors, a suicide is only the beginning of suffering. Most people carry that suffering with them for years, rarely talking about it. But Madeline Sharples is willing to talk about what happens after a suicide. For her (and for many others), what happens is a journey deep into one's self in the hope of maintaining sanity and having some semblance of a life after a loved one commits suicide. To call a journey into the self "selfish" misses the point. If you have experienced the suicide of a loved one, you already know this. If you have not experienced such a tragedy, be thankful, and look at Leaving the Hall Light On as an example of what it takes to enable the "self" to survive a tragedy of that magnitude.


Editorial Reviews

Review

"The courage and strength of will it took to write this book is matched by the superb writing, the clarity of emotional insight, and the uplifting music of its brave prose." - Jack Grapes, author of The Naked Eye and Method Writing

"Brave and Gritty. Innovative. Resourceful. Inspiring. Sure to increase your understanding and compassion for others in turmoil." - Sharon Lippincott, Story Circle Network Reviews

"I recommend this book to not only those who lost a child or who struggle with the mental illness of a child, but to anyone at all who wants a deep, intimate read where the author bares her soul and lets you into her world!" - Bonni Rubinstein, Organizer of the Facebook group "Loss of an Adult or Young Adult Child"

"A poetically visceral, emotionally honest account of the author's experience with her son's bipolar disorder, his suicide, and her family's grief and adaptation to their terrible loss. I will be a better, more empathic psychiatrist, and a better person and friend after having read this extraordinary memoir." - Irvin D. Godofsky, M.D.

"Leaving the Hall Light On left me in tears. It is a heart-wrenching book; I could not put it down. Anyone who wants to learn how to live with children or adults with bipolar disorder, must read this book." - Mary Barrett, The Nashville (Illinois) News

"I would recommend this book to suicide survivors, and I also invite mental health professionals to read it. I would be willing to bet that Madeline Sharples is much more honest about what it is like to survive suicide than most patients and clients allow themselves to be." - Fran Edstrom, the American Association of Suicidology

From the Author

Why I included photos, poems, and quotes in my memoir
One of the first reviewers of my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On, said, "....The poetry and photographs add an extra dimension that is missing from most memoirs like this since as a reader you get much closer to the reality of what is being described on the page...." (Mark Shelmerdine, CEO, Jeffers Press). Another reviewer said my book is "poetically visceral." Those statements helped validate any misgivings I had in adding other creative works into my manuscript.

I really hadn't thought of putting photos in my book until my publisher suggested it. And of course I was delighted. At first she suggested photos interspersed within the chapters, but my book didn't lend itself to that. So I picked out photos in groups: of my son Paul - the main subject of the book, of him and his brother, family photos, views of my office, garden, and one of the memorials to Paul - a bench dedicated to him on the greenbelt outside our home. At the time I had no idea what an impact these photos would have on the message of the book. However, I was then reading Keith Richard's memoir, Life. It has two photo sections. And I kept going back to these photos as I got to know more about the characters in his book.
 
Inserting my poems was another story. I never even considered leaving them out. They were instrumental in my book's organization. I had journal entries and other writings to draw from and a poetry manuscript, and I arranged my book's chapters according the order of the poems in my poetry manuscript. However, I still worried about what others would think. So many agents state that they don't look at poetry. A memoir workshop instructor didn't like the idea. However, one of the people who had read my poems several years ago now says he can relate to them better because of their context in the story. The bottom line is: I was fortunate to find a publisher who not only liked the poems I had in the book, but asked for more.
 
Because I collect quotes - I usually note them down when I read, and I continually post them on my Facebook author page - I decided to insert three quotes in my book- two from books and one from a song. And that turned out to be the biggest problem in finally getting my book to print. Since I felt they were integral to my story I was adamant, but it took months to get the necessary permissions (see my Red Room blog posts dated September 15, September 29, and November  13, 2010 -redroom.com/member-blog/madeline40/). The main lesson is: if you want to include other authors' words in your book, start getting permission early.
 
All in all I felt it was well worth the extra time it took to include other works in my memoir. My writing is very personal and I feel the photos, poems, and quotes helped deepen the personal message of my words.

Product Details

  • File Size: 1831 KB
  • Print Length: 340 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0982579489
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Dream of Things (August 19, 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B008ZVRFSG
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray: Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #32,146 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
63 of 65 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Words of the Brave September 28, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
We live in a culture obsessed with the illusion of happiness. When we run into a friend, the customary greeting is, "Hi, how are you?" But we don't usually want to know the answer, not if the person in question is struggling with serious issues.

In point of fact, we prefer they keep their issues to themselves and smile like everything's fine. Then we sit back and wonder why those who commit suicide didn't show any signs, why they didn't ask for help, why no one did anything to stop them.

I started thinking about suicide as a teenager. What would happen if I discreetly jumped off a cliff, or stepped in front of a car, or threw myself out the window?

I'd love to write the politically correct thing now and say I stopped thinking of it when I grew up, but the truth is that even now, I imagine doing it whenever I'm depressed. Yes, I know that's seriously twisted. But imagining these scenarios has a way of making me feel better. Probably because I'm conscious of how much power there is in simply choosing to live. That said, I doubt I'm the only person like this, and wonder how many normal people let their minds think of this when they're feeling hopeless or depressed.

This book was hard for me to read for a number of reasons:

1. It deals with serious issues like mental illness and suicide.
2. The descriptions of manic depression and paranoia are accurate to a tee and forced me to remember things in my own life that I'd rather forget.
3. The author doesn't sugar-coat the situation.
4. She is honest about her feelings.

Number four is key, because as much as society claims to value honestly, we lie to ourselves ALL THE TIME. What's worse? We criticize those who tell the truth. There's a reason politicians lie.
... Read more ›
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Honest & heartbreaking, but read with caution September 16, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
Leaving the Hall Light on is an incredibly brave and honest look at a mother's feelings after her son commits suicide. Madeleine Sharples goes to great lengths to bring in others' points of view and to let us see her agony and changing emotions. That part of the memoir is great.

But read with caution. A diagnosis of manic depression is NOT a death sentence. Predisposition to suicide is not predestination, something Sharples seems to confuse at many points. For example, Sharples writes, "Suicide is the destiny of most people--especially young men--with bipolar disorder..." (p. 91). While Sharples claims this is the contention of author Kay Redfield Jamison, and while Sharples son did, in fact, commit suicide, propagating this idea of suicide as destiny for those with bipolar disorder/manic depression is just as irresponsible as telling an alcoholic, "Forget about AA; it just doesn't work." Yes, some will never overcome, but some WILL. Do not take away hope from those struggling every day to stay this side of the abyss.
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Stunning, awe inspiring, and beautifully positive May 18, 2011
By Barbs
Format:Hardcover
This book is a testament to the power of the human soul. It shows the strength of a woman and a family who had to go through the worst human tragedy, and get to the other side in a loving, peaceful and compassionate way. This is the most honest and heartfelt story about losing a son to suicide. She just tells it like it is and anyone can relate to that. They were just a normal regular family who had the worst happen to them. They all got out the other side stronger, closer, healthier, productive and positive. It makes you feel that nothing is too painful. Madeline Sharples lovingly tells the world that anyone can come out the other side, healed and excited about life. I cannot recommend this book more highly. I could not put it down. I loved this book. It make me want to run 20miles, eat healthy, write, create, see my friends and live my life to the fullest. Madeline is an incredible writer that leaves you wanting more. Extraordinary!!
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful August 1, 2012
Format:Paperback
Leaving the Hall Light On by Madeline Sharples
My daughter is bipolar. So I really wanted to read this book to find out... How do I make it stop? Reading Madeline's book made me realize I don't have the power to make it stop. The roller coaster and the constant walking on eggs shells around a person with bipolar disorder, is unending, until of course they find a medication that will work, and that medication will only work if they actually take it. I have found the people with this mental illness, they don't believe they are mentally ill. People are attacking them, when people really aren't attacking them. Everyone is against them, when no one is against them. So to convince a person with bipolar disorder to seek help is almost impossible.
The gift that I take away from 'Leaving the Hall Light On' is the way Madeline and her beautiful family responded to the worst tragedy any mother, father and family can endure. While it's true that Paul was bipolar and it is also true that he took his own life, what this amazing family has done is to say, that doesn't define who Paul really was as a human being. There are a million other things that describe Paul. He was a gifted musician, he was kind and caring and incredibly intelligent. He was a computer whiz and loved children. Paul loved his mother, father and his brother Ben. He fell in love and was loved back. These are the things he left behind, the evidence of a life, that Paul was so much more than his illness. What the Sharple family has done is choose not to live in the one horrific day and instead, remember the other million days.
For anyone that has lost someone they love, this family can help you navigate your way through the darkness. It's clearly not easy, but it can happen.
... Read more ›
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars Jumpy
The story jumps around in time bit too much. A lot of blaming goes around, whereas no one is to blame.
Published 1 day ago by Christine Runhaar
4.0 out of 5 stars Straightforward help for those who are grieving
A heart-breaking story told with straightforward grace and resilience, Madeline Tasky Sharples' Leaving the Hall Light On will educate you, and leave you with lots to... Read more
Published 7 days ago by Laura Dennis
4.0 out of 5 stars Sad topic but well done
A mother who dealt with a mentally ill son and the difficult path he chose. Well done even though the topic is painful.
Published 12 days ago by Ann M. Rath
2.0 out of 5 stars Sad but unsatisfactory
I feel for the family and for Paul, but I found this author selfish after all these years. Sorry to say that but there were at least two times she blamed the ex-girlfriend, and I... Read more
Published 14 days ago by Gigi
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful and Inspiring
I would highly recommend this book to any parent who has lost a child--not just from suicide. It is a unique and, more important, honest memoir with powerful poetry. Read more
Published 17 days ago by Chanel Brenner
5.0 out of 5 stars Sad, gritty look at bipolar disorder and the devastation it wreaks on...
Grab a hankie and prepare yourself for a brutally honest look at bipolar disorder. The story is told from the mother's point of view and gives perspective on how this illness... Read more
Published 20 days ago by Joki
4.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful insight into suicide of an adult son
This memoir of a mother about her bipolar son's suicide is profoundly touching and very informative. Read more
Published 20 days ago by Patricia
5.0 out of 5 stars Well written and thought provoking
A mother's seven year experience with her sons bipolar disorder, along with her path to healing following his suicide. Good insight from other immediate family members, too.
Published 22 days ago by Robyn Tamanaha
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone needs to read this...could save your life or your loved one's...
Leaving the Hall Light On by Madeline Sharples - Review
This is a beautiful memoir that spoke to and encouraged me in many ways. Read more
Published 24 days ago by RRBaker
1.0 out of 5 stars Self Pitying, Self Indulging Mishmash
I hated this book. I found it unbearably long and tedious. I can't believe it got so many good reviews. Are they reading the same thing I'm reading? Read more
Published 26 days ago by Beatriz
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More About the Author

Although Madeline Sharples worked for most of her professional life as a technical writer and editor, grant writer, and proposal manager, she fell in love with poetry and creative writing in grade school. She pursued her writing interests to high school while studying journalism and writing for the high school newspaper, and she studied journalism in college. However, she only began to fulfill her dream to be a professional writer later in life.

Madeline's memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On, is the harrowing but ultimately uplifting tale of the course of years from her son Paul's diagnosis with bipolar disorder, through his suicide at her home to the present day. It details how Madeline, her husband and younger son weathered every family's worst nightmare.

In addition to Leaving the Hall Light On, Madeline co-authored Blue-Collar Women: Trailblazing Women Take on Men-Only Jobs (New Horizon Press, 1994) a book about women in nontraditional professions and co-edited the poetry anthology, The Great American Poetry Show, Volumes 1 (Muse Media, 2004) and 2 (2010). Her poetry accompanies the work of photographer Paul Blieden in two books, The Emerging Goddess and Intimacy as well as appearing in print and online on many occasions.

Madeline is now a full-time writer and is working on her next book, a novel, based in the 1920s. She and Bob, her husband of 40 years, live in Manhattan Beach, California, a small beach community south of Los Angeles.

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