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769 of 931 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
the ring of truth, March 3, 2005
By the top of page 4, I knew who Martha is and who her father was. I was raised in the church and served a mission to Japan in the late 1970s with one of Martha's brothers.
Martha's book is the most honest and even-handed account of the church and its doctrinal dilemmas I have ever come across. Most accounts are either for or against the church and seek only to destroy other viewpoints. I didn't get that feeling from Martha's account at all. It's clear that most of those condemning this book haven't read it. Ignore them and read it yourself.
I grew up reading every LDS Church book I could get my hands on. I pored over them, practically memorized some of them, and read the Book of Mormon and other scriptures daily and prayed with all my heart. I was the kid who always loved to go to church; no one had to drag me there. After a great deal of soul-searching over many years, I left the LDS church about 20 years ago, at the age of 27. I didn't experience the kind of sexual abuse Martha went through, and my heart goes out to all who have suffered so, but I could relate 100% to her descriptions of the Church, the doctrines, the good people who try so hard to be perfect, the yearning for God, the incredible mental efforts to try to make sense out of the nonsense, the secrecy and obsession with control of the leadership. I'll never forget how disappointed I felt when I first put on the temple garments and went through the endowment ceremony at the Oakland Temple.
I first became aware of certain issues about unsavory behavior by some of the leadership while on my mission, and it left a terrible taste in my mouth. I know we are all human and have weaknesses, but the problem is when religious institutions try to set up some people as infallible and not to be questioned (the Pope, the mullahs and ayatollahs, and the General Authorities all come to mind). I tried to make it all make sense, and I tried to forget that polygamy was the fate that awaits good Mormon women. I tried to forget the many little insults and debasements of Mormon women. Ultimately I could not ignore the evidence of my senses, my reasoning and my conscience. The greatest lessons that I learned from my years in the Church are ultimately what led me away: to listen to the still, small voice inside, to do what I knew was right no matter what others around me might say, and to open my heart and mind to unsuspected sources of joy and understanding. I can't say I've found as much certainty as Martha seems to have found, but I am certain that one of the smartest things I ever did was to leave the Church; I only wish I'd done it sooner. Much, much sooner. Martha's book has helped me to free myself from the last vestiges of regret. I miss the sense of community, yes, but I know that the Church is not the only place that can be found.
I've read some of the hate mail Martha has received on her site, www.leavingthesaints.com, and it doesn't reflect well on those people's personal religion. That is, spewing that kind of hate and intolerance is hardly a sign you are close to the divine. I know that most Mormons are very good, sincere people who try very hard to do what is right. I grew up among them, I was one of them, and many family members and extended family members are still very devout and no doubt think I'm beyond the pale because I left. I say, if it works for them, more power to them, but I could not continue in such a patriarchal, controlling, domineering environment where the truth must be whitewashed and carefully controlled. Thanks, Martha, for writing so eloquently and compassionately about your journey.
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122 of 159 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
I love her writing but ...., March 3, 2005
I have been a fan of Martha Beck's books for years. As a fortyish Unitarian mom, I felt she spoke straight to my heart and my funnybone. I recommended "Expecting Adam" to everyone I knew when it came out. "Finding Your Own North Star" was (and is) both useful and wonderfully readable.
If not for her trademark wicked humor (which I still love), this book and her website [...] might have been written by a different person. It's certainly possible that she was indeed molested by her father. Her readers are not in a position to know all the facts. The unkindness of waiting until her parents were in their nineties to air this situation so publicly and venomously, though, doesn't seem anything like the Martha I thought I knew from her previous writings.
The book, and especially the website, also reveal that many important facts were left out of both "Expecting Adam" and "Saints". These include Beck's husband's lifelong struggle to face his homosexuality and its effect on their marriage, their divorce during the events in "Saints", her personal journey ending in long-term happiness with another woman, and her new partner's professional interest in sexual abuse.
Of course, she has the right to have kept these facts private until now. However, it would only seem natural for them to have had at least some bearing on her state of mind when (a) the memories of abuse resurfaced and (b) she and her husband left a religion that sees homosexuality as pathological. (Paradoxically, while still married and members of the church, they wrote a book together on overcoming "compulsive" behavior, including homosexuality, through faith.) That all this was completely left out seems odd when so much other intimate detail is presented. It makes me wonder what else may have been left out of her books. Part of their appeal was that the reader felt that Martha truly opened up her life, doubts, faults, and all as she told of her experiences.
In my personal opinion, the Mormon church has a great deal to answer for its attitude toward both women and victims of sexual/domestic abuse. However, this book may end up unjustly weakening the case for others in such circumstances.
Martha Beck has built up an impressive life-coaching business with her books and appearances on Oprah. Writing this book now seems almost self-destructive.
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45 of 57 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Very interesting, April 29, 2006
I'm going to make this review annonymous, because I am a Mormon who is strongly considering leaving the church and I do not want any retalitation. I'm not ready for it yet.
This book was very interesting and I know that there is a lot of debate as to whether or not Martha is telling the truth about her father. I don't think anybody has any right to say whether she is telling the truth or not because no one was there except Martha and her father. Therefore the only two who truly know the truth are Martha and her father, and of course God. I can tell you that here where I live there was a big discussion one night after fireside about this book, and all the people at my church who are devout Mormons strongly accuse Martha Beck of being a liar. I asked them just casually if they had read her book. They all claimed they would never touch it. That's what made me (secretly of course) obtain a copy of her book and read it.
I'm glad that John Beck has not suffered any loss of friends or relationships because he left the church. But I can tell you that if indeed that is true, that John Beck has a had a very rare experience. The vast majority of Mormons who leave the church suffer a lot of judgement and loss of relationships. When you leave the church you are an apostate and according to Mormon doctrince, have no chance to get into heaven. It's only outer darkness for the apostate unless the ex-Mormon rejoins the church and gets re-baptized.
I am very confused because I know the evidence that Joseph Smith was a very deceitful con man is black and white. There is no arguing it. There is so much black and white evidence that very clearly shows the Mormon church as a false religion, and like all my friends and family, I used to turn a blind eye to all the evidence that scared me into realizing "maybe" the Mormon church really isn't true. Over time I have been able to look at the evidence more without being prejudice. It's just going to be hell on earth when I finally do reveal to my family and friends that I'm leaving the church. Everyone I know already believes that anyone who leaves the church has committed some horrible sin. But I haven't at all. I've never even broken the word of wisdom or the laws of chastity. I'm just not so stupid anymore as to believe in a religion that is so obviously false.
I hope I'm as brave as people like Martha Beck, John Beck, and Deboroh Laake. Until then, I'm remaining annonymous.
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