Customer Reviews

Legend of the Chupacabra [VHS]

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

While not as slick as Blair Witch, this film is as exciting and has a lot more gore! The story follows a group of cryptozoology students as they trek around south Texas looking for the elusive Chupacabra. Along the way they come across witches, madmen and a vomiting man who gets his intestines pulled out in order to "cure" him. Wonderful acting by several members of the cast including the whining Webster (played by Chris Doughton) and the Curandera (played by Sandy Schwartz) who moans and chants better that most...this is one of those films that works best on a Saturday night with a bunch of your friends around to give it the MST3K treatment...

This movie looks like something a highschool kid made out of his home. Don't waste your money!! I was upset that I even spent the money to rent this!! The acting, plot, dialogue...everything is horrible about this movie!! I would have given it less stars if it was possible!!!

Terrible movie physically hurt me to watch it. I really am hurting. Troma sucks.

I am a big fan of Troma and indie movies in general. I own close to 100 b-movies. I have seen countless low budget films.

I consider this to be the WORST (not funny bad - UNWATCHABLE) movie I have ever seen.

I can handle low / no production values. I handle porn-level acting. But, this story was so filled with plot canyons. To describe them as plot holes would be an injustice.

Buy this movie for someone you despise and wish to harm.

This is one of the worst movies in history, and certainly one of the least watchable. It is a movie that wishes it was 'The Blair Witch Project' but is more like a bad junior high student film. It is dedicated to all the people who lost their lives making this film, which is embarrassing enough, but wait till you actually see the chupacabra (which means "One who sucks blood from goats" in Spanish, the movie somberly intones.) This is the lamest monster since the last time Ed Wood collaborated with Tor Johnson. The movie features a lot of very bad narration and a faux documentary style that only serves to annoy.

Essentially what happens is that Students from the 'Department of Cryptozoology' at the 'University of the Rio Grande Valley' led by Maria (Katsy Joiner) set out to film the chupacabra which has been sucking livestock dry and recently killed her uncle. Her theory is that the Chupacabra was created in a US government biomedical experiment in a secret lab in Puerto Rico. Alternate explanations presented are that it is from outer space (an authority tells us that this is obvious due to its hind leg structure) or that it is a demon created by Satan (though a priest is interviewed says that that isn't so, and goes on at length about how superstitious Hispanics are.)The hard hitting story line leads exactly where you might suspect: immediately before having his intestines sucked out, the Sheriff is asked "Is this where the conspiracy starts?" by Maria, and we soon discover that not only is the government mixed up in the chupacabra case, but they are also covering up the Loch Ness monster case and the conspiracy to intentionally plant crack cocaine in inner city neighborhoods (some people actually believe that one.) When the intrepid explorers find animal remains they generally have lines like "this goat looks like it's intestines have been sucked right out." Along on the expedition besides Maria and the cameramen are a deputy (in official uniform blue jeans) who takes them to any place they want to go (crime scene access is apparently no problem for the students) and most offensively the 'ex-Marine' and 'renowned firearms expert' who is about twenty yet still has Vietnam flashbacks, and can't figure out how to hold a rifle. After the Sheriff's demise the deputy confirms that the chupacabra killed Maria's uncle and said the cover up was because "the Chupacabra policy is on a need to know basis only."

Ultimately they chase a chupacabra to its lair (marked by scarecrows with goat skulls on the top) and try to seal it in with dynamite, thus rendering it vulnerable to capture. (?) The ex-Marine and a cameraman seal themselves in a cage (a la Richard Dreyfus in 'Jaws') and try to shoot the creature when it comes out at night. (Tip: never get out of the cage to get a better shot at a chupacabra. Duh.) They finally get the chupacabra dispatched (Maria has to put a knife in its mouth) and perform an autopsy "before any government agencies like the CDC or FBI take over, because we want to know the truth." The autopsy is my favorite part when I listen to them trying to say medical sounding stuff like "Look at this mandible!" Without question my favorite line was when Maria, assisting in the autopsy, says "Yeah, I noticed the angle of langerhans" while looking at the chupacabra's head. Of course she meant to say "the islets of langerhans" which are in the pancreas, so I think she needs to study a bit harder in her anatomy classes. The autopsy also features much gratuitous grossness (like blue eyeball fluid) as do many other parts of the film, but they are so poorly done as to be more laughable than offensive (this is especially true of the traumatic arm amputation scene.) The pinnacle of lunacy in the autopsy is when they discover the bar code tattooed on the chupacabra and say conspiratorially "You know what that means...."

The DVD has a few extras such as director's commentary and autopsy bloopers video, but nothing makes this a more interesting package. This is one of the most amateurish, un-watchable, awful films ever. I can't recommend this even for camp value, which I had wrongly predicted it would be full of. This is just plain bad, no matter how you look at it. The residents of Santa Maria, Texas should hang their heads in shame that the good name of their town has been defiled by such a piece of excrement as this.

This movie is hilarious! Yes, it's bad. Really bad! All the 1 stars are obviously fans of CGI. BORING. This movie is great to laugh at. If is interesting the entire way through and is great entertainment.

The low budget is obvious. Check out the cage that they have to protect them from the Chupacabra. In the alternate ending the Chupacabra picks it up with no effort (AND THERE IS NO BOTTOM ON IT!) Yeah, they must not have had a big budget but it all adds to the laughs!

A must own DVD!

When I rented this movie I was very disapointed. I thought it would be funny but it sure wasn't and the bad acting didn't help much in this case. I thought it was gonna be a blair witch spoof (think about how awesome a TROMA blair witch spoof would be) but it was nothing like that. The only good part is the gore(when their was hardly any) I'd just recommend renting the movie to see if you like it before buying it. All those other TROMA fans out there that liked the movie don't be mad at me because it's just my opinion. Also instead of renting this movie go out and rent true classics like The Toxic Avenger,Class Of Nuke Em High,Terror Firmer,Cannibal the Musical,Redneck Zombies and even Tromeo and Juliet I could go on forever. And remember Toxie loves you!!