Customer Reviews

Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with Your Body

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book got me a date.

Seriously. I was lucky enough to read an advanced copy (but I still bought the finished book as a show of appreciation and support). I was 6 months out of a relationship and feeling anxious about putting my girthful self out into the cruel world of dating. I decided I would take the leap in the spring AFTER I'd lost 50 pounds. Then I read Fat-O-Sphere. It made me feel strong. If I was happy and successful and active and feeling great, why not embrace it? Being fat did not negate all those really good things. So I promptly began online dating. And it worked. I'm having extreme fun and meeting lots of men (some amazing, some ok, some crazy) who delight in my glamorous heft. I am beyond grateful to Marianne and Kate for writing a book that helped me stop feeling ashamed and guilty and confused.

Health at every size, peace of mind at every size, happiness at any size--that's what this book advocates, explains and encourages.

This book is funny, witty, engaging, and most of all educational. As the authors say, a lot of what the book is about seems like common sense, but it's so hard to start thinking that way about your body, especially for women. Whether you are are fat or not, whether you are a chronic dieter or not, this book is really fabulous for helping you let you of your self-hate and starting to accept yourself and your body for who and what they are. I hope it's a trend that catches on with more women in media.

I am so excited to read this book. Kate and Marianne's blogs are leaders in a movement that is key for women's sanity and the general culture's sanity around body image and health. Thanks to them I stopped obsessing over food and started practicing intuitive eating and guess what? I haven't gained weight and I feel much better focusing my energy on other things. (BTW, I have never been what comment trolls would probably consider "fat," but I have never felt like my body is socially acceptable either. I still don't think so, but these wonderful bloggers have taught me it's much more fun not to care.) I'm buying four copies of this book to share with women who are dear to me.

This book made me giggle, cringe in self-recognition, nod in agreement and cheer.
If you are dead-set on hating yourself, this isn't the book for you. But if you've been thinking that maybe those crazy fat acceptance folks have a point about dieting not working, you are ready to sit down and listen to two honest, caring girlfriends who will tell it like it is.
No, it's not all unicorns and cotton candy, accepting your body and yourself is hard work, it's just a different (and more rewarding) kind of work than what restricting your eating and exercising as punishment are. This book provides some specific direction and resources for feeling better about, and connected to it, taking better care of, your body.
If you aren't female, you might not feel like you are being spoken to directly, the way that I did when I read it, but if you have women in your lives (moms, friends, girlfriends, wives, sisters) who could use some reinforcement in the body love department, this book may make a great gift (but not for someone who will feel insulted by the word "fat-o-sphere").
I know the authors couldn't include everything in the whole world of fat acceptance in the book, but if you want to know more about intuitive eating, I also recommend "The Diet Survivor's Handbook: 60 Lessons in Eating, Acceptance and Self-Care."
I know I'll be glad I have this book on my shelf during those times when my acceptance muscles are feeling fatigued -- girlfriends Kate and Marianne (and special guests) will be there to remind me of what I need to do to get back on the path to good self care.

Whether or not you're already hip to the ideas that 1.) it is possible to be healthy, beautiful and fabulous at any size and 2.) weight is not an indicator of moral character, this is a fantastic read. With keen intelligence and razor-sharp wit, Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby hit on a variety of topics, including the science and philosophy behind a HAES (Health at Every Size) lifestyle, reading medical studies with a critical eye, and even just finding clothes that look great. They give suggestions for navigating through fitting rooms, doctors offices, and even the dating scene with your sanity intact. Several guest essays sprinkled through the chapters bring a variety of experiences and insights to the mix.

Naysayers may believe that the Fat-O-Sphere exists to make excuses for gluttony and laziness, but this is simply not so. If losing weight were an easy prospect, people wouldn't spend their lives caught in the throes of yo-yo dieting, weight cycling and shame. The book includes an extremely powerful essay by Barbara Benesch-Granberg, whose mother began avoiding doctors after constant lectures and shaming. Her hesitance to seek medical attention on the basis that any problem she might have would be chalked up to her weight ended up costing her life.

Harding and Kirby suggest an intuitive approach to eating and taking pleasure in physical activity purely for the purposes of health betterment, regardless of weight.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Not a ton of new information if you read Shapely Prose and The Rotund (the blogs of the two authors), but lots of good stuff.

The basic premise is that diets don't work long-term for any but a tiny minority of people and that they create more health problems than they fix (if they fix any), and that the beating your self-esteem takes from continual weight obsession is not helpful. There are studies and statistics to back this up, and the authors encourage readers to check out their sources and come to their own conclusions. For me, it doesn't take much convincing. I've seen my weight drop or go up inexplicably, or stubbornly refuse to budge when I'm doing everything "right" based on whatever diet I'm doing at the time. And, hang around any dieting message board, and you will hear from people who are following the plan and not losing. People who are dieting talk a lot about tricks to keep yourself from plateauing--cut calories, but not too much, or give yourself a couple days where you eat "normally" to convince your body it's not starving, or bump up the calories a little but exercise like a fiend. It's a commonly accepted fact that when you try to lose weight, your body will fight you every step of the way. Which is part of why the subtitle is about "declaring a truce with your body." The point is to avoid fighting a war against yourself that you can't win and that will make you miserable.

Another issue the writers point out about dieting is that having foods be forbidden just makes them more attractive, and having things that you are "supposed to" eat makes them less desirable. And it's the same with exercise.

Now, this is where a lot of people get hung up. They see "Don't diet or try to lose weight" and they think that the writers are encouraging everyone to be sedentary and live on Twinkies. That's totally not it. Instead, they're encouraging a concept called "Health At Every Size" which is about doing healthy things for your body *regardless* of whether they change your weight. Doing them for their own sake, because they make you feel better. They talk about paying attention to how you feel when you eat--eat what you want when you want, stop when you're satisfied.

When you start eating intuitively, you will probably eat a fair bit of "unhealthy" food. Though one of the things the authors talk about is that we have a really skewed idea of what's "healthy." You'd think from what you hear and read that eating ice cream is about equivalent to pouring battery acid down your throat. But it does have actual nutrients, like calcium. Even fat is a nutrient, one that's required for your body to process vitamins A, D, E, and K. Sometimes you crave "bad" things because they have nutrients that your body needs. So, instead of fighting your body, you give it what it wants. If you've dieted forever, the idea that you can eat whatever you want will, at first, involve cheeseburgers and donuts and everything you weren't allowed to touch before. But eventually, the novelty wears off. If you're allowed to have pizza for breakfast and a box of Twinkies for lunch, you might do it a couple times because you *can.* But you will probably feel like crap that day. Or start craving strawberries, or zucchini, or rice. Eventually, you end up eating a pretty balanced diet, because you're paying attention to your body, which will generally tell you what it needs. That's much better than denying it for as long as you can, then eating everything in sight because you're *starving.*

One of the things they stress is to not get wrapped around the axle about doing intuitive eating "right." The main point of intuitive eating is throwing away all that OMG PANIC about having to eat the "right" foods. And freeing up the time and mental energy that goes into obsessing and counting calories to do more worthwhile things.

The book advocates the same stance toward exercise as it does toward food. Rather than looking at exercise as something you "have to" do, find a form of movement that you enjoy. Maybe it's yoga, maybe it's swimming, maybe it's dance. But find something and do it. If you try something and don't like it, don't consider it a failure. Just try the next thing. It's kind of like dating. Maybe yoga isn't "the one," so you break it off with yoga and go give bellydance a call. And remember that you're doing this because it's fun and it feels good. If you miss a day, it's not something to beat yourself up over. And, if it's something you do for its own sake, when life gets in the way one week, you'll find yourself really looking forward to it.

That's another principle that speaks to me. I like exercise. I love yoga, I love bellydance. Because the motion burns off stress and puts me in a calm state. And I like lifting weights---it makes me feel all buff and powerful. But I *hate* exercise for the purpose of weight loss. Once it becomes something that I "must" do to make my body an acceptable size, that just sucks the joy right out of it.

The awesome thing about doing these things for their own sake is that you won't give up on them if they don't make the scale move. I've seen a lot of people give up on the healthy foods they were eating or the exercise they were getting because their weight plateaued. Which is a shame. This book encourages you to find more lasting and significant motivations for healthy behavior than the numbers on the scale. Personally, I find that I eat more veggies, exercise more, and generally take better care of myself following an HAES mindset than I did when I was dieting.

Another key concept of the book is to be a critical consumer of media and to limit your exposure. Both authors noted that when they stopped watching much TV, their self-esteem shot up because they weren't continually comparing themselves to women whose job it is to be thin and conventionally beautiful. Women's magazines are even worse than TV because you can't Photoshop television. Nobody looks like a model, including models. And seeing that all the time creates a very skewed view of what you're "supposed to" look like. They also talk about critically reading and analyzing articles about weight and health. What does the study really show? Does the data support that? Does the headline match the article's content, or is it an exaggeration to draw attention? Oh, and who funded the study?

Overall, I would definitely recommend this book. The writing style is awesome--funny and no-nonsense, very personable and easy to read. And there's a ton of resources--all the sources the book cites, as well as a bunch of other informative books, blogs, and articles.

My reactions to this book are a bit mixed, so let me start with some caveats.

1) Yes, I read the authors' blogs. They've given me much to consider. Some days I hold my cheerleader pompoms higher than others.

2) Yes, I think Fat Acceptance has immense civil rights potential, but I haven't embraced it as fully as the authors. In fact, my feelings about Fat Acceptance are mixed. On the one hand, it seems beyond discussion that twenty-first century industrial western culture is more than a little insane about thinness, that this is not about "health", despite all the claims, but about "beauty," and that this causes more harm than it gives pleasure, joy, or health...to just about anyone. On the other, I confess to thinking there's some line at which any given individual can be "too heavy." It's not something one person can determine for another, and it varies from person to person, but I'll bet most individuals have a pretty good idea about where their own line is. By "too heavy," I mean the point at which weight interferes with doing what one wants or needs to do, and causes unhappiness or pain--not the fat hatred, which heaven knows is real, but the weight, which is also sometimes real.

3) I absolutely agree with the authors that many or most fat people are not fat because of too much soda or too many Twinkies. (As a somewhat overweight person who exercises hard and doesn't do chips or soda or cookies, I know this on a personal level.) On the other hand, it seems plausible that some are. If a person who is overweight (or any weight) is deeply committed to the soda and Twinkies AND is unhappy or damaged by his or her weight, leaving soda and Twinkies behind sounds reasonable--in fact, it sounds like Health at Any Size--even if doing so could be called a "diet" and said to involve some food restriction, which these authors don't espouse in any form.

4) Because I think some diets, the ones that are closest to HAES (reasonable quantities of less-processed foods, a deep suspicion of Twinkies) can work for some people sometimes. Not enough to make it worthwhile to diet for dieting's sake, no. But sometimes, if our eating has in essence become disordered, finding a way to change the disordered eating can lead to mostly-permanent weight loss, though not as much as "beauty" in this crazed culture right now demands. But enough for better, yes, health.

Our authors won't agree with all of these stances, I think, though they certainly would not espouse regular Twinkies. So I'm kind of an in-the-middle reviewer...but, yes, if you are having body image issues, the book has revolutionary potential. If you don't think you have body image issues but still check out every room you enter to make sure you're among the thinner people there, then, yes, read the book. Yes, its basic premise--don't beat yourself up about who or where you are, and don't let other people do it, either--is one the internalization of which could make this world a different and better place. Even when where we are isn't optimal, beating up does not improve the situation just about ever.

Er. Unless you're the equivalent of the school bully, to yourself or others, in which case maybe a little return beating might clarify a few points for you. About the only point on which the authors and I really diverge is that I think there are sometimes aspects on which we should work to change ourselves rather than accept ourselves. Even though our prurient/puritanical culture really does espouse hating oneself and one's flesh as a form of virtue, even though women are particularly told to hate themselves and their flesh as a form of virtue: even so, there are sometimes things about ourselves which we should work to change, for our own sanity or health or kindness. Sometimes flesh can be one of those things. Just sometimes, and not out of shame or guilt, ideally. (Better sites for change and compromise, I'd say, might be our treatment of those around us...but that's a different story.)

So why not five stars? The main reason actually has little to do with my doubts about FA--after all, the writers are stating and defending a fairly defensible position, and they have no obligation to address any of my personal doubts or caveats concerning about that position. It has to do with genre.

I'm not trying to deprive Harding and Kirby of well-earned dollars--I hope they make a mint--but the book, for me, is not as compelling or effective as the blog. It's less detailed and more general. The power of Shapely Prose (Harding's blog) is threefold: what's been recently called its "noisy and companionable community" (there are three other bloggers besides Harding herself, and their interactions are lively; its lack of space and time restrictions--this blog is the accumulated work of years of thought; and the authors' written voices. Harding's in particular is eccentric, appealing, and infinitely recognizable. Kate Harding is at her best when she can be Kate Harding--detailed, irreverent, anecdotal, sometimes loquacious, ferocious, unrestrained. The book, of necessity, waters down these qualities somewhat for the general and perhaps uninformed audience (and the same goes for Kirby), whereas the blog assumes community (and moderates the hell out of community-busting comments) and goes from there. I never, never thought I'd say this, but there are issues and texts and voices which lend themselves better to the online environment than to print. This book illustrates just such a situation.

So, you know...yes, read the book. But reading the blogs will give you a better sense of the strengths and weaknesses of the position, and of the writers. It'll leave you better able to decide where, or whether, you fall on the tough and thorny path to self-acceptance of all varieties.

I became interested in Health at Every Size about 9 months ago, and since then have been reading here and there mostly online. So through blog posts and online communities I found out about this book.
Since I had been just picking up on things here and there online, having to research backwards to figure out what everyone was referencing in conversation, and where they were coming from, it was exciting to then find a book that is kind of a "101" of size acceptance and health at every size.

From reading various blogs online, I had begun to understand the basic element of 'yes we are fat, but we are still humans and we deserve to be treated as thus' and that was basically a revelation to my entire life of thinking and hearing "if only I/you were thinner", "when I'm thin I can...", and general bashing of women, both thin and fat alike.

While reading this book, I just kept thinking "WOW", all the time, "wow".
This book is a great introductory for people who are interested in improving their mental health and getting to know just what these 'crazy fat people' are talking about.

Many people seem to confuse the issue of Size Acceptance to giving up. This is not the same thing at all. Embracing Size Acceptance does not mean "oh well there is no point in being healthy, I'm going to eat 2 whole cakes every day" (visit [...] for more about 2 whole cakes...) it means that you may think "ok this is my body and I am going to love it, because its what I've got. It may take years to do, but its better than hating myself for the rest of my life for an arbitrary beauty standard". It means if you gain 5 lbs, you are not a worse person morally, and if you lose 5 lbs you are not a better person morally. You are a person.

When approached with this topic, I've noticed that many people get very angry and heated when proposed with even the IDEA that being fat is somehow NOT wrong. I was once this way myself. I used to think "how dare they! don't they see how UNHEALTHY they are!!?" and I never stopped to wonder where the basis for these thoughts came from. It was just something EVERYBODY KNEW. So I read this book, and I must say these ladies are educated and they are critical thinkers. It IS possible to be healthy and fat, at the same time. I know you wont' believe me, but read the book, Harding and Kirby have science and logic to back up what they are writing.

This book obviously hits on very sensitive issues. However I think this book is an absolute essential read, just to even attempt to take a step or two back, and look at your own prejudices and ideas that you may take for granted. If you've struggled with weight issues in ANY part of your life, whether it was 5 lbs or 500 lbs, this is a must read if you are unacquainted with Health at Every Size or Size Acceptance. I think this book can be monumentally helpful even if you've never had weight issues. For those that are naturally thin, it may help to understand that fat people don't need to be blamed or shamed, that our bodies are not public property, and the issue goes further than you think.

I am a longtime reader of Kate Harding's and Marianne Kirby's blogs, and have come a long way towards fat acceptance. Kate and Marianne have written a book that is mostly for the beginner, but has a lot to tell and remind all of us. I will keep it on my bookshelf for those times when I start to forget the progress I've made.

This book is well-written, funny, and occasionally crass (which I love!). The short chapters (many the length of blog posts) and the guest essays (including one called "Fat Hate Kills" which I read before on the Internet and which makes me cry every time) kept me going towards the end, and I finished it in two nights.

As an obesity researcher and psychologist, I was skeptical of this book when a friend passed it along. Most "fat acceptance" books are quite biased-- this one is not! It is very even-handed and educational...plus enjoyable and funny! I hope to use it in an obesity course in the future.